To be upset the cleaner has shrunk my children’s clothes... again

[Wobblywombat]

I know many may think it’s unreasonable to have a cleaner in the first place, but since I work very long hours and have small children it’s a choice I made to have more time for family.

I don’t buy many expensive clothes, let alone for the children but every so often I will buy or be gifted nice woolens (like for Christmas) and hope they will last and be passed on from child to child and generation to generation (my mother kept all my nice outfits).

Our cleaner has managed to ruin every single nice piece in the last 3 years. I explained many times how woolens should be washed, then asked her not to wash them, then eventually asked her not to wash any delicates and stay away from them.

Yet she just ruined a lovely outfit that my family gifted our newborn.

Is it silly to feel so gutted about an outfit?

Our cleaner is really smart, amazing and has worked with us for many years. One of her few weaknesses is she is very proud and can never admit when she makes a mistake or apologise properly when she breaks / ruins things.

I would feel bad for taking her to task about this just after giving her a nice Christmas gift but I am so gutted that she ruined this and didn’t think to even mention it to me.
What would you do?

If laundry is 50% of her job, then you need to make a bigger deal of this than hiding delicates. Wilt ore the instructions for the delicates basket down on paper and if she messes up again, performance manage. It’s what would happen in any other work setting if someone repeatedly ignored instructions for a substantial element of their job.

I think you need to be firmer and clearer. "Do not wash what's in this basket." If she does you've no where to go but to sack her. But good housekeeper are like hens teeth so I'd weigh it up carefully. Next time put "knowledge of fabrics" in the ad. You'll find the right person.

Is she amazing in all other aspects becase for 3yrs of being crap at laundry I would hope so!

I've been doing laundry for 40+yrs & can honestly count on one hand the amount of stuff I've ruined-& I wouldn't have to use all fingers!

I don’t have a cleaner but all of my friends do and all theirs do laundry. So for those saying that’s unusual, it really isn’t.

OP that’s such a shame about the outfits. I think you have to either hide delicates from her, or fire her. Probably the former if you are otherwise happy with the arrangement.

I think where it has gone wrong is you asked her to stay away from delicates but clearly her judgement isn’t good enough to know what is delicate / follow the lable instructions. Maybe instead have a separate laundry bin for delicates and a put a lable on it ‘do not touch’ when she’s coming.

Good idea. And if the restaurant screws up a meal she should just cook her own food. If mechanic puts the wrong oil in her engine, she should just change her own oil. If the childminder fails to pick the kids up from school she can just pick her own kids up. If the taxi driver takes her to the wrong place she should just drive her own car. If the bank loses her money she should just store her own cash

Yup. How very dare a woman have A JOB and pay someone to do housework, which she clearly should be doing herself because she has a vagina and everything?

The internalised misogyny of people like Zara is amazing. And depressing

Picture-frame the damaged baby outfit and hang it close to the washer?

In the nicest possible way, she deserves to have her pride hurt a little bit after repeatedly doing something you’ve asked her not to do and the consequences of that are that something special was ruined. It’s not normal to expect to never have made any mistakes at all in 8 years, she should be able to take it.

@ElDanglio

I don't understand why a cleaner is washing clothes?

Because it is her job .

I don’t have a cleaner but all of my friends do and all theirs do laundry. So for those saying that’s unusual, it really isn’t.

That’s quite an extrapolation from your own social circle to the entirety of people with cleaners.

Why dont you just do your own washing?? It hardly takes any time unless you’re doing it all by hand on the banks of the river 🤣
Have a separate laundry basket for delicates and put a sign on it
“CLEANER - HANDS OFF”

Some people on here seem to think that cleaners are mop-weilding angels that need to be worshipped. They are not lowly staff, some are on more than double NMW. They are self employed, professional business owners, not downtrodden, down on their luck sad cases to be pitied and handled like they're made of fine crystal.
At any other job, if a member of staff was ignoring instructions/warnings and repeatedly damaging property and costing the employer money then they would eventually go through the disciplinary channels. This lady is no different. The fact that she never apologises is shit though, she needs to get over that and own her mistakes, apologise, make right if possible and move on. I think I'd have to let her know she's ruined yet another special item of clothing. Why hide it from her, you've done nothing wrong?

If she can barely apologise properly she's hardly likely to think "wooops I should replace it."

Use the shrunken outfit for a doll or a teddy bear, maybe? Imagine the wonderful story you can create around it and still pass it on to new generations. And, yes, replace the one she destroyed. I’d be tempted to replace like for like so baby and toy could have the same clothes!

Deduct the cost from her wages,

You have warned her multiple times, and she still does it.

You need to have a proper chat and give her a warning.3 years ruining clothes is taking the piss.

I find it so odd that so many people are saying cleaners don’t wash clothes! I’ve had cleaners for years and have always had them do washing for me. Isn’t that one of the main jobs you need them to do? If they can do other tasks why would they not be able to turn on a washing machine or dryer?

I tried cleaning a few times to help a friend. All I can say is some people expect so much to be done, squeezed into too few hours. This means being rushed off your feet trying to get a job done to a set standard. I had to lower my standards to get the ridiculously long list done in each shift. Not a job I would willingly do but some are forced to. Washing clothes is more of a House Keepers role, is your cleaner a HK or cleaner? If so ask yourself are you paying for the hours she needs in order to take the time to pay attention to detail. It could simply be that she is rushed. Separating clothes according to care labels is a time consuming task. Hopefully you allow time for this tedious task, especially of the household has 3 or more occupants.

@FutureDuchessofHastings

Some people on here seem to think that cleaners are mop-weilding angels that need to be worshipped. They are not lowly staff, some are on more than double NMW. They are self employed, professional business owners, not downtrodden, down on their luck sad cases to be pitied and handled like they're made of fine crystal. At any other job, if a member of staff was ignoring instructions/warnings and repeatedly damaging property and costing the employer money then they would eventually go through the disciplinary channels. This lady is no different. The fact that she never apologises is shit though, she needs to get over that and own her mistakes, apologise, make right if possible and move on. I think I'd have to let her know she's ruined yet another special item of clothing. Why hide it from her, you've done nothing wrong?

I've worked as a cleaner. Some people do treat cleaners like shit but, if you are a good cleaner (or, in my case, a reasonable one but at least reliable and careful ), you can have your pick of clients in many areas. Being a cleaner was a fuck of a lot better than some of my other jobs, including working in care homes and retail - no body fluids and no one shouting at you.

So I agree there is no need to be apologetic about having a cleaner, as long as you treat her like a professional, not a skivvy. And you should expect professional behaviour in return. Domestic cleaning is flexible, safe (usually) employment in a warm and clean environment. It's much better than many other jobs that low-paid women have to do.

Have you actually asked her why she continues to wash your delicates when you have said not too?

A cleaner is not a maid/housekeeper

The thing is, you know what your special items are. She won't naturally. Unless she pores/pours (??) over every single label how can you tell what's wool/silk/knitted butterflies and what's acrylic, polyester, etc.

Exactly. My late DH was also shocking for ruining things. Great at everything else, and cooked almost every meal we ate. But he wasn't au fait with how different fabrics feel and what was likely to shrink or run. So I just had a basket that he wasn't allowed to go near, and I'd put that stuff on myself.

You say you had another basket, OP. Surely you could just put it somewhere out of her way? If you're going to spend on expensive baby clothes, just take a bit of responsibility for them. I doubt she comes across fancy fabrics much in her own life, on housekeeper wages.

some are on more than double NMW. They are self employed, professional business owners,

Not in most people's worlds, they're not. They're either agency cleaners on low wages, or someone local who asks about £10 an hour paid in cash. Earning double NMW or being a professional business owner is a very niche corner of the market, probably confined to smarter parts of London.

I do think you need to address the fact that it has happened again with her. You employ her and tip toeing around the issue helps neither of you.

I'd say you will now be keeping all delicates in a specific place and she is never to wash them.

You're not being silly to be sad sentimental or nice things have been ruined. It sounds like this is in no way a one off so of course it's reasonable to be pissed off.

OP literally said this extra special item may have been discarded on the floor of the baby’s room looking dirty - how would the cleaner know not to pick this up and wash it with the rest of the clothes if it was just lying on the floor? I think it’s incredibly unfair to expect her to be psychic about which items she should pick up and wash and which she shouldn’t.

Have the other items she’s ruined actually been in a dedicated separate basket she’s been told not to touch, or similarly picked up from around your house? If there are things you know mustn’t be machine washed then they shouldn’t be lying around when someone is coming in specifically to clean your house and do the laundry. You were careless with it and knew that someone with a poor track record with delicates was coming in specifically to clean.

I used to let aupairs or cleaners put on washes but way too much damage. I have a rule of no washing by cleaners now. One ignored my no washing rule and washed a rug in the machine both damaging rug and machine! Anyone who ignores my no washing rule has to move on.