To want to hear stories of the worst date you've been on? Lighthearted!

[MaMaD1990]

I'll start...I went on my first date in a very long time years ago (in my 20s) and was totally catfished. Expecting a tall handsome man, I was greeted by a spotty, short man with his hair majorly thinning and looking double what he claimed his age to be. Being British, I decided it would be far too rude to leave so sat down whilst he whinged at me for 45 minutes about his bad back and other health problems. I made my excuses to leave and he insisted on walking me to my car. Got outside and he was about to go in for a kiss (shudder) when a man stumbled out the door of the pub and threw up. I got in my car quickly and never saw him again. I'm still thankful for that vomiting stranger!

ohhh Im not having a go, just a laugh. You cant drop in that your husband wet himself on 1st date and not expect people to ask.

@Stillcoughingandlaughing of course! Actually we both had found it hilarious and bring it sometimes. I definitely didn't date and marry him out of pity!
He was so lovely about it and has never had any shame over anything

Told me when he was 11 years old his dick was SO HUGE they had to "cut it free" of his foreskin. Oh, and also he was "in the Queens personal Guards". He was 28 when he was telling me this.

@user1471565182

Why on earth would you marry somebody who pissed themselves on a date?

Wait are you seriously going to attack the incontinent on this site?

Good luck with that hill

@YouJustDoYou

Told me when he was 11 years old his dick was SO HUGE they had to "cut it free" of his foreskin. Oh, and also he was "in the Queens personal Guards". He was 28 when he was telling me this.

Does he mean he had Phimosis?

@YouJustDoYou - why the fuck were you on a date with a 28 year old when you were 11?!

Oh my goodness, I'm such a tit, completely misread your post @YouJustDoYou! Ignore my previous comment! 😳

holy shit I think I knew that guy, YouJustDoYou. Did he have a motorbike and claim he was in the SAS as well (despite working in a warehouse cleaning tyres)?

Think he lived in Scarborough

He bought his 9 year old daughter with him to the pub and proceeded to browse Facebook and completely ignore both of us. Seriously, not even a word.
The little girl was lovely and we ended up playing hangman for an hour before I made my excuses and left.
When he text and asked for a second date I declined and told him why. He said that he didn't think that I'd mind because I was a trainee teacher and that he felt sorry for my future pupils as I clearly didn't like children.

The little girl rang me a couple of times after as they were in the pub and I was 'nice'. Poor little thing, I felt so sorry for her having such a crappy father.

When I was about 16 a guy in his 20s who was an acquaintance of my parents turned up unexpectedly at the house, so my parents invited him in. He presented my mum with a houseplant and proceeded to tell my dad (in front of me) how special he thought I was and would my dad be happy for us to date?! Luckily my dad believes women should get to choose their own partners, and my mum reckoned she could trade me in for something better than a supermarket geranium so they told him where to go

Oh so many...

The one who sent a bottle of champagne over to mine and my sister's table - so smooth so I agreed to go on a date with him. He called the next night to arrange but was so smarmy that I was completely put off and avoided his calls from then on. My sister had told him where she worked and he only called her at work a few days later and begged her to tell him where he'd gone wrong. He'd only known her first name so basically rang the very large multinational company and asked for with no other details and somehow they found her and put him through

The one whose girlfriend was in the pub when we arrived. They'd only broken up the week before. She cried and tried to attack him, he squared up back to her . I left immediately, he ran after me and begged me not to leave and told me he loved me. This was put second date.

Another one - not me, but a friend who's a paediatric A&E nurse. Went on a date with a lovely guy - handsome, smart, funny, charming, the whole package. Texted for a couple days, very flirty and everything going really well - until he and his wife turned up in A&E with their poorly child. Obviously my friend stayed professional and didn't say anything, but she said he was squirming the whole time. His poor wife.

I randomly met a guy on a night out in my local town and i was delighted as he was my type. He lived in the next town over ( about half hour away...setting context for later)) but worked in my town. He was a real charmer and treated me to a chippy at the end of the night and i was smitten . I was only 19/20 and he was a little bit older.

Fast forward a few weeks after copious amounts of texting/flirting and one other date, i went on a night out with my friends and he text me asking me if i wanted to come over after and see him and stay over. In my drunken state, i agreed , presuming he would pick me up ( in his very boy-racer like Honda Civic) NOPE! He suggested i get the bus as it stops directly outside his house and he would be there! Sober me would have said no but i was young and naive. Told him i would jump on the local night bus after the pub closes and i would text him when i was closer.
I Jumped on the bus at about 2am and text him to say i was on route....no reply! Text him again when i was getting closer....no Reply! Started to panic so i gave him a phone. Phone rang out! Got to bus stop , no sign and i had no idea which house he was in. Kept phoning him and the phone ended up been switched off! I decided in my wisdom to walk to the local bus depot(half hour away in the pitch dark with a few dubious looking characters around) and see if i could get a bus back..no luck! I ended up phoning my dad to pick me up. He thought i was wanting a lift back from the pub which was normal as he often offers and was so shocked when i told him where i was. Ill never forget him pulling up with my mum and my half asleep sister in her PJS. Most awkward journey home!

The next morning i woke to NO texts from him so decided to give him a piece of my mind. He said he ended up falling asleep and didn't put his phone on charge. I was so angry with him and i gave him hell. He didnt like it so he replied back saying he didnt really see us going anywhere and made comments about my weight, my acne and everything under the sun he didnt like about me! BLOCKED!

Think i dodged a bullet!!!!!

I briefly dated a guy I met on the bus (he was the driver). Seemed really nice and charming and funny but I soon learned that he was a complete pathological liar.

He just ghosted me one night, just stood me up one night after practically living together for 2 months. Thought something had happened, rang the hospitals, nothing. Finally spoke to him next day and he told me his sister lost her baby (a lie, and a sick one). He avoided all my calls until I rang from work and he lied about coming to see me.

Found out eventually he’d gone back to his ex but was too chicken shit to break up with me, so just disappeared. I also found out he’d bought a car from his colleague but never paid him for it, he then part-exed it. He tried to sue his landlady for wrongful eviction after telling me that she wanted to “adopt” him (at 30!). He said he was a culinary expert and served me tinned cold vegetables with vinegar on them for a meal. Such a bizarre man, and a bit of a psychopath.

Also had a second date with a guy from OLD where he brought his mate along and tried to set us up!

And other one who was incredibly boring and just sat watching the tv in the pub over my shoulders throughout our date, and then texted afterwards saying what a great time he had!

I was out with some work friends one night and got talking to someone at the bar..... he knew my best friends BF well, and we ended up talking all night. He was gorgeous, funny, liked the same music etc, and when it came to kicking out time, we sat in my car talking and kissing until the sun came up. It was the days before mobiles and my poor mum was at home absolutely frantic that something had happened to me We made arrangements to meet on the Tuesday night that week.

I was still floating on air on the Monday when we went back to work, until I met my best friend at lunchtime and told her all about my perfect evening. She looked at me in absolute horror, and said WTF was I doing with the guy whose wedding she was going to the next weekend ..........

[quote kleew1]@Paul72 love the ending[/quote]
It should have been "we still talk non stop" but I rather like the alk

Reluctant second date with a gut who described himself as 'a black guy stuck in a white guy's body'. First he text to ask if I'd pick him up, which I did, only to find his mum had thrown him out and he had all his gear in bin bags. Then as we pulled up outside his mates house to drop his stuff off, he pulled out a fake diamond ring, told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but it was to show he was serious about me. Then he cried when the stone promptly fell out.

I managed to break up with him after he rang me from police custody, to tell me he'd been charged with fraud.

I had really low standards.

1st date: He talked really loudly through the film at the cinema and I was v embarrassed. He called me frigid at the end when I wouldn't kiss him.

Nice touch.

The one where I got a coughing fit and just couldn't stop. I was 17 and he was a very sophisticated (in my mind) 20 year old I worked with in my part time job. I had tears streaming down my bright red face. Couldn't even get words out. Had to go home. Mortified

We met online and were chatting for months before meeting up. First impression - not attractive. He took me to a cheap restaurant with plastic roses on the grubby tables and a disheveled bored waiter who looked tipsy. Proceeded to brag about himself while throwing in sexist and racist stuff. Absolute jerk. Not a peep from him after our date, which was a relief. 6 months later he pings out of the blue - would I like to go away for a long weekend with him and his friends? I said that was a bit random considering how we left things... He said that to be honest, he didn’t like fat women and I was too chubby for him, but I had an interesting life and niche job and his friends would be jealous if he brought me along

I did OLD for five years, so I could easily fill this thread all by myself. But I will restrict myself to a few of the very worst.

As soon as he saw me arrive for our date in a cafe he pointed to my Crocs and complained "You could have worn something sexier!" I used said Crocs to walk straight out again without saying a word to him.

One youngish man came 70 miles by train to meet me for lunch, and stayed silent throughout the date. In the cab to a restaurant he stared out of the side window, ignoring me. In the restaurant he read the menu in silence, ordered, then stared silently out of the window, watching people go by. Whilst waiting for the meal and whilst eating it, every attempt I made to get him talking was shut down with "yes" or "no" answers. When he finished eating he went back to silent window staring. I was too unassertive to say anything, gave him the benefit of the doubt, telling myself he was "just shy". Soon as we finished we split the bill and I asked the waitress to call a cab. More window staring till it arrived, by which time I had given up trying to make conversation. We sat in the cab back to the station, he stared out the side window. At the station he got out, slammed the door shut and walked away without a word. He never contacted me again.

Another first date was a university tutor in robotics. We met at Charing Cross and as we walked down that side street to Embankment tube we passed a homeless man sitting in a shop doorway. This provoked my date to go on a long, angry rant against the unemployed, calling them all lazy scroungers and asserting that there was no excuse whatsoever for anyone not to get a job. I let him buy me a one-day Travelcard and we boarded a train, then I jumped out as the doors were closing and watched it pull away with him still on it. I used the Travelcard to have a ride on the entire Docklands Railway, which I had never seen before. Very angry email from him later!

Lunch date with a charming and handsome policeman who parked near my flat and texted me to say he had arrived. When I went outside to meet him he said, "Forget lunch, let's just go to your bedroom." When I declined he called me a "timewasting bitch", got in his car and drove off.

Gorgeous young guy messaged me, I mean, drop-dead handsome and a fantastic physique. Lots of photos on his profile. I fancied the pants off him before we even met. Great convo on the phone. He seemed perfect in every way AND he lived local to me. I could not believe my luck - HOW was he still single? I found out when we met - he approached me and gave me a great big grin, and that's when I found out that half his teeth were missing and the ones still present were dark brown and chipped. Ugh.

On one of my first dates, he asked if I could 'wank him off' during the cinema. When I politely declined, he said "its ok, I'll put my coat over my lap"