To want to hear stories of the worst date you've been on? Lighthearted!

[MaMaD1990]

I'll start...I went on my first date in a very long time years ago (in my 20s) and was totally catfished. Expecting a tall handsome man, I was greeted by a spotty, short man with his hair majorly thinning and looking double what he claimed his age to be. Being British, I decided it would be far too rude to leave so sat down whilst he whinged at me for 45 minutes about his bad back and other health problems. I made my excuses to leave and he insisted on walking me to my car. Got outside and he was about to go in for a kiss (shudder) when a man stumbled out the door of the pub and threw up. I got in my car quickly and never saw him again. I'm still thankful for that vomiting stranger!

I had probably the most awful date out of all my friends. He was attractive but I am convinced he had serious mental health problems. He asked me one question the entire date. The rest of the time he talked loudly to the room about how much money he had, women just wanted him to spend money on them, he was going to buy a thatched roof cottage, he was going to be a landlord, he had the same car as his dad, he could produce music, his last relationship. He could not bare any contribution as he saw it as criticism. So when I said thatched roofs are very expensive he just sulked and said his dad said the same but he had a plan! He then just walked out on me. I finished my drink and left. He then texted me to say I was too full of myself!

I'm convinced he lived at home and his dad had come to pick him up. I dont think any of it was real and that his last "relationship" was with his Jobcentre advisor and he stalked her

Some of these are fantastic and some are horrifying. My bad date story is luckily just an embarrassing one.

Online date when I was early 20s, had been chatting to an older guy who was apparently mid 30s but really got on and had a shared love of live comedy so thought I'd ignore the age gap. Turned up and he was about 10 years older and a foot shorter than he'd said but we'd arranged to go to a comedy night so decided to stick it out.

We ended up sat in the front row and the compere spotted we were an odd couple (honestly we could have been father and daughter) and worked out we were on an Internet date where he had used some old photos. Well we were the butt of every intro bit from each comedian for the rest of the night and I felt like the ground could just swallow me up. Afterwards I was making my excuses to escape quickly and he still tried to go in for a kiss! I kissed him on the cheek and pretty much ran.

I went on a date with a guy who worked in the City and we went out for a fancy dinner. He insisted on paying (even though I was more than happy to split) so I said I'd leave a nice tip. As I was walking out I turned around and saw him stuffing the tenner I'd left behind in his back pocket. Needless to say we didn't see each other again.

Went to meet him outside a pub on a Sunday afternoon. As I approached, he was eating a family sized bat of Cadbury's Fruit and Nut, and he wrapped up the rest and gave it to me as a gift. Which was nice.
Then he picked up his Yorkshire pudding and ate it with his hands.
Then he showed me a picture of his unimpressive erection on his phone when I came back from the loo.

All in all...

[quote Downunderduchess]**@CharDee that is literally the plot of a book, it’s called The Ex, it’s written by Nicola Moriarty.[/quote]
@Downunderduchess

Oh no I hope @CharDee story is just a coincidence as she’s had a few mental threads and I’d hate to find out they were lies!

@CharDee I think your memory is playing tricks on you as you've just described the plot of a book

Leaving aside the one who talked about nothing but Alice Cooper and the one who talked about nothing but his hi-fi stuff (then pissed in the bushes on the way home) the worst was probably the one who'd clearly been told "the thing to do" was look into a girl's eyes
So he did, all night, while holding my shoulders for emphasis ... it was like being hypnotised, but being only 17 and even more stupid back then I didn't like to say anything

Good "almost" one recently though, but in reverse ... I swapped a couple of texts with some unknown guy via an obvious glitch in my phone, and he replied "why don't we take a chance and meet?"
I'm in my sixties now, but still think I should have gone and given him the shock of his life

I've got so many, but one slightly odd one was a police officer i was chatting to online. We arranged a date. My son was hit by a speeding rally car and quite badly injured, and I had to cancel the date last minute. Once my son was on the mend I contacted the guy to apologise again expecting that he would think the whole thing was made up.

Nope. He was the one in charge of the investigation, had watched the in car footage from the rally car and proceeded to tell me that from seeing the footage it was a non-survivable accident and my son had had a miraculous escape. Small world.

@TeddyUrsa 😂😂😂😂😂

I went on a date with a guy whose major topic of conversation was bridges 🤔 There’s really only so many times you can say ‘oh that’s interesting’ before wanting to fall asleep. Plus he was so short he could barely see over the bar!

First date with a guy and over dinner he told me how he got a blow job from one of the "Ladyboys of Bangkok" when he went to Thailand a few months previously which was definitely an ice breaker. After dinner he asked if he could use my phone to call his drug dealer because his phone battery was low. I said no, obviously. He managed to borrow some random person's phone and got his dealer to meet us (by this point I just stuck around to see how much worse the date could get) and after they'd swapped stashes, we bumped into my abusive ex at a bar.

Needless to say there was no second date.

Got one - met a guy OLD. He lived a way away from me but he suggested a date. He wanted to go to Cadbury's World. I laid for the train, turned up and I had to pay to get in (I was a skint student and he worked in finance) as well as the train back. He was awful and no conversation. The worst part is that Cadbury's is a circular route - you can't get out. So we had an awkward half an hour and then basically didn't talk for the rest of the three hour trip round the factory. I couldn't wait to say goodbye. He tried to suggest another date at the end saying he'd enjoyed it even though we'd sat in silence most of the way round. I declined politely and never saw him again.

No way! I had no idea it was the plot of the book! This happened over 10 years ago. How old is the book?! Me, or one of the other women they did that to might have been the inspiration behind it!I might have to give it a read to see if their love life improved as much as mine did shortly afterwards

Definitely not made up or my mind playing tricks on me unfortunately. I had completely forgotten about it until a few months ago when we did a virtual hen do for a friend on zoom. They were talking about bad dates and the next day someone text me to say they'd remembered my bad date but didn't want to bring it up. She was one of the friends who were in a nearby bar and made me feel better that night. It was so strange and I was so embarrassed to have been stood up and then be publicly rejected!

So I've just had a look on Amazon for that book and I don't think my experience was much of a psychological thriller! Just a couple of people needing some weird foreplay perhaps?

The cover and description seem a lot scarier than my story

Long story short date set up through mutual friend.
We went to a summer version of a Christmas Market in our city for a few drinks. He got the 1st round and before we were even half way through our drinks he said “oh it’s your round now I’d like to try the strawberry cider” ( as if I didn’t now it was now “my” round. Went to a diff bar and I received a txt and I said sorry I just needed to check my phone for a min my child is at his dads and just want to see if everything is ok. He then started asking if we text each other a lot? At this stage my son was about 2 and a shit sleeper so normally me and his dad would txt to let each other know if he went asleep and settled ok.
I smoked and he didn’t. So after a few drinks I went outside for a smoke. And the door man was the absolute spitting image of Conor mcgregor I came back in and said to “date” omg the door man is the double of Conor mcgregor it’s actually uncanny. All fine then he says are you not going to kiss me?? 😱so I gave him a half hearted peck (why I did this I do not know!)
Then a while later when I went to go out for another smoke he said oh are you going to see Conor mcgregor again?

It was the shittest night out ever. We shared a cab home as my house was on the way to his. And when we pulled up outside my house he said are you not going to invite me in 😂😂😂😂NO MATE. Threw him my cab fare and ran. !!

I went on a date with a guy who I kept seeing around. He seemed like a nice guy, just not really my type.
But he had worn me down, and I thought, it can't be that bad, can it?

We went to the pub, and he was trying to hurry me into having another drink, I said ill get the next round, I'll be a while with this one. He wasn't having it, but got another round in, I wasn't even halfway through my drink, and he repeated this several times. I had 3 drinks lined up and he had drunk 5 or 6 at this point. He was getting very annoyed at me because I wasn't drinking fast enough for his liking. I was getting a bit worried about how I could leave without him.

It must've shown in my face because this man walked upto us, and started chatting.
The man id gone to the pub with was all, oh go away. Shes mine. I've bought her drinks, she's going home with me. Go away, and starts squaring up to the bloke.

The stranger dug his heels in a bit, and actually ended up making him leave us alone, and he walked me to the taxi rank and made sure I had money to get home. I obviously did. But I dread to think what would've happened if he hadn't have stepped in.
I was a stupid stupid 18 year old.

@CharDee then consider yourself lucky!! It got a lot worse in the book! Maybe that’s the reason I don’t date anymore!

They had seemingly downed about half a bottle of vodka before turning up, and then spent the taxi ride into town racially abusing the driver.

Really wish I hadn't dropped my stuff at thiers before we went out. Ihad a scooter back then so helmet etc got left in thier house. We got back in another taxi about 10 mins after arriving in town as they were kicked out for being wasted.

they went on a long rant about how some Spanish woman had stollen all thier money and thier weirdly gay flatmates money i nodded politely while getting all my things together and pretty much ran out of there while they cried.

The highlight of the evening though was getting hit by a car on the way back home, not severe but poor little piggy never rode again :(

(piggy was my piaggio before you lot start )

@Inpersuitofhappiness

I went on a date with a guy who I kept seeing around. He seemed like a nice guy, just not really my type. But he had worn me down, and I thought, it can't be that bad, can it?

We went to the pub, and he was trying to hurry me into having another drink, I said ill get the next round, I'll be a while with this one. He wasn't having it, but got another round in, I wasn't even halfway through my drink, and he repeated this several times. I had 3 drinks lined up and he had drunk 5 or 6 at this point. He was getting very annoyed at me because I wasn't drinking fast enough for his liking. I was getting a bit worried about how I could leave without him.

It must've shown in my face because this man walked upto us, and started chatting.
The man id gone to the pub with was all, oh go away. Shes mine. I've bought her drinks, she's going home with me. Go away, and starts squaring up to the bloke.

The stranger dug his heels in a bit, and actually ended up making him leave us alone, and he walked me to the taxi rank and made sure I had money to get home. I obviously did. But I dread to think what would've happened if he hadn't have stepped in.
I was a stupid stupid 18 year old.

How amazing was that stage man who stepped in. We do not hear enough of those stories.

Met a guy online. He came and picked up after work one day and he decided to go to a par to talk. The park was under construction so toilet use there. We jumped in the car and he's speeding around all the bends and he's moaning a little. I asked what's wrong and he said he was really busting to pee! We got to a nearby shopping centre and he peed his pants!! Lucky he had spare work pants in his car but upon changing into them in the toilets, he lost his wallet so we spent ages looking for it only for someone to have handed it in at the customer service desk at the shops where I suggested he look first 🙄
10 years later we are now married with 2 kids and he still doesn't listen to what I suggest first but at least he doesn't have a weak bladder anymore!

Grammer errors! park and NO toilets

I have another one (I didn't realise I'd had so many bad dates!) I was about 17 and a guy who was around 19 asked me out for valentines day, so super excited (teenagers!). Anyway he had planned a date in a city which was about an hour away by train from home, movie, dinner etc. Told my mum because I did have a shred of common sense at that age thankfully. Get the train in, go see a movie and he took me for a nice dinner. He seemed nice but very handsy and I was a bit uncomfortable so looking forward to getting the train home (he said he had checked the time for the last train and we would get that, around 11ish I think). After dinner we go to a posh bar and he has to order drinks with me being underage. When he came back he literally launched himself onto of me in a booth and everyone was staring. I had no idea what to do other laugh it off thinking 'Jesus get me out of here'. Finish our drinks and head to the train station and shock horror, he has 'misread' the timetable and we had missed the last train. But don't worry, he said, there's a lovely hotel around the corner where we can spend the night. By this point I was furious and said get us a taxi, we are going home now. So we get a cab and he is literally trying it on in the back of the cab with me. We finally get back to his parents house and I wait outside for my mum to pick me up. She said we wouldn't tell my dad because he'd probably end up in jail knowing what this guy had done haha. Never saw him again surprise surprise!!

@CC12939

Met a guy online. He came and picked up after work one day and he decided to go to a par to talk. The park was under construction so toilet use there. We jumped in the car and he's speeding around all the bends and he's moaning a little. I asked what's wrong and he said he was really busting to pee! We got to a nearby shopping centre and he peed his pants!! Lucky he had spare work pants in his car but upon changing into them in the toilets, he lost his wallet so we spent ages looking for it only for someone to have handed it in at the customer service desk at the shops where I suggested he look first 🙄 10 years later we are now married with 2 kids and he still doesn't listen to what I suggest first but at least he doesn't have a weak bladder anymore!

Why on earth would two adults go to a park for a first date? I would have been out of there before he had a chance to wet himself.

2nd worst date (1st worst didn’t end funnily!), was a guy who seemed totally normal who I met for coffee but hadn’t said what his job was. He’d been with a “client” nearby when we met and seemed really nervous.

Got talking and he admitted his “client” was a local headmaster and he was a professional dom catering for men, women and couples!! Said he felt comfortable telling me as I seemed kind, he had two names, his professional name and his actual name. As I’m so polite I stayed an hour while he told me all about how “home” him wanted someone to cuddle and “professional” him wanted someone who looked like they’d put up a bit of a fight, and did I want to see his kit, he cleans it all properly.

He seemed very upset I made a swift exit and declined a kiss.

Oddest date was actually quite nice but funny, agreed to meet a farmer, was taking him a takeaway tea visions of sitting romantically in a field. Actually went for a 2 hour ride on the tractor while he spread cow manure on a field. Should have been crap (literally) but he was actually quite funny and we still speak every now and then a year later

@Shudawuda wow. To be fair they sound really interesting people and experiences!! The first one I would've run a mile like you after getting the dirt on that industry!!