To want to hear stories of the worst date you've been on? Lighthearted!

[MaMaD1990]

I'll start...I went on my first date in a very long time years ago (in my 20s) and was totally catfished. Expecting a tall handsome man, I was greeted by a spotty, short man with his hair majorly thinning and looking double what he claimed his age to be. Being British, I decided it would be far too rude to leave so sat down whilst he whinged at me for 45 minutes about his bad back and other health problems. I made my excuses to leave and he insisted on walking me to my car. Got outside and he was about to go in for a kiss (shudder) when a man stumbled out the door of the pub and threw up. I got in my car quickly and never saw him again. I'm still thankful for that vomiting stranger!

A girl I'd chatted with online then we did the un-imaginative first date at the cinema. I'm 5'8 so we'd had a bit of banter about my height as she wasn't sure how tall she was but reckoned she was 5'7 but usually wore heels so would be taller than me when we met. She was 5'5 at a push but in the queue for the tickets she turned to me and LOOKED UP AT ME and said in all seriousness "sorry I feel bad that I'm so much taller than you is this ok for you". I genuinely thought she was joking at first but no, she even did the hand from the top of her head to over the top of my head somehow to attempt to prove it. Then when we got to the ticket kiosk after telling her I'm fine with any of the films on show except horror films she goes and chooses "The Cabin In The Woods" so that was a nice 2 hours watching people die horribly. (Of course we had a second date!)

@Downunderduchess Busted! Still a good story though. I may even read the book!

I have had a lot of failed relationships and met a lot of odd bods but this thread is making me feel like I have actually been really lucky!

I went to the cinema with a guy I'd been seeing for a while. I was 15/16 and he was 23/24. I know, I know. But you don't care when you're that age.

We go to the counter for our tickets and he asks for two child tickets. He said he was buying them for me and my "friend" and made a big show of turning around to look for my lost "friend". They refused to sell him the tickets.

He then made me go back to pay for one adult and one child ticket.

I was so embarrassed.

I have a couple....
1 I went in a blind date with a friend as a ‘double date’ kind of thing she knew hers already tho. Had a lovely meal then went on for some drinks, now the friend started making wife jokes to my date and I thought nothing of it I was only 19 I genuinely thought it was some sort of inside joke. At the end of the night we had a kiss and he whispered something in my ear along the lines of I’d love to take you home but the wife’s a light sleeper. He waved his hand in my face he had a faint tan line on his ring finger. I felt like crying, I left rapidly, never saw him again nor did I want to.

2 The second shit date I was 20, met a boy at a friends house party and arranged to go to the beach the weekend after. I agreed to drive there, we got parked up and started walking down the sea front when he just casually asked if he could borrow £50 as he’s a bit skint. Now I really don’t mind paying my way but come on this is taking the piss isn’t it, I’d already drove there and payed the parking then he drops the bomb he’s got no money🤦🏽‍♀️ I didn’t give him the £50 but did buy him fish and chips, only then cus he ordered his own and put me on the spot in front of the cashier. Best part is as we drove back into our home town he suggested we go to have a pub dinner, he was told at this point to get fucked.

Luckily my next date was DP!

I had one who obsessively accused me of stealing when we went around an antiques place (they were into that stuff im not that much of a bad romantic)

Went to the cinema with a guy a few years ago, he decided to hold my hand during the movie and upon grabbing my hand he said as loudly as he could "Ooh you're moist"!

He meant my hands were clammy! which they were because I was warm but bloody hell! I was mortified and never saw him again after that.

Mine must be the guy who turned up seriously hungover, told me all about his travels with his ex-wife (who he clearly wasn't over), then he told me that he wasn't interested and just walked off!

I went to a friends 21st, I was pretty drunk and vaguely remember giving a guy my number, he phoned the next day and asked me on a date. I was pretty hungover but we went to the cinema. He picked me up in his car at my house and when we got out the car he was about a foot shorter than me! He was tiny and it just put me off, the full way through the film I was working out how to ditch him . He phoned me for weeks after the date!

Vowed never to date a guy shorter than me ever!

First proper "date" with a chap who had been showing interest and who I'd had a bit of a snog with whilst at uni. Arranged to meet him in the car park of a nearby hotel where he'd pick me up. He was late, it was in the 90s so no mobile phones. I hung around for a bit then decided to leave, but then he arrived explaining he had car trouble. Apparently it wasn't over as we broke down about 500 yards up the road! He jumped out and fiddled with the engine whilst I checked my watch, worried about missing the film we were going to see. The car started, we made it just in time to watch "Scream". I'd already seen it and knew where all the jumpy bits were - he didn't and jumped, spilling his massive drink all over himself. Back in the car afterwards and it breaks down again...we eventually limp home at nearly midnight.
Anyway, that was our first date and we've been together 24 years! He still doesn't like watching scary movies, but at least his car runs better these days

I went on a couple of dates with someone who got a clingy and I wasn’t feeling it so tried to let him down gentle. He didn’t take it well.
Exactly a week later I went on another date with a new man, new man mentioned he used to work at a place I used to work at all so I commented that I used to work there. He said he knew. Later he mentioned he used to hang out at the same club as me. I said it was so strange we hadn’t bumped into each other before as we have loads in common. He said we had. We knew each other. I just didn’t remember him
THEN in walks the original clingy guy and new man waves at him He explains he feels a little awkward as he knows Clingy Guy and he is on a date himself.... with New Guys ex gf

I had a couple of dates with a nice, if slightly boring, guy. On our final date, we went out for a meal, then for a walk round the park. There we were, hand in hand, when all of a sudden the most almighty stench. I thought to myself 'he cannot seriously have just farted!' but he didn't say anything, so we just kept going. Then the same thing happened. It was truly noxious, and because he was holding my hand, I couldn't even get away! I decided I couldn't be with someone with that level of poor self-control!

Guess I was early 20s. Had a few days with a guy, about but nothing else, were kind of net in town for food and a drink, go home seperate dates so nothing serious.

Anyway, we, classy date that we were having, meet up and got a KFC. Their loos weren't working so popped across the road to the pub to use their loo. Loos down one corridor, men's off the side, women's at the end.

Go to loo, come out and wait for him. And wait. And wait.... Fuck, think I, he must be dead in there. Ask a nice batman to go and check if he's, you know, slipped and cracked his skull open ... He dutifully goes in, he comes out looking very awkward and confirms the toilets are empty.

I leave. Quickly.

Radio silence for about three weeks when he messages randomly and admits he had a gf all along and basically got a for of conscience.

I didn't go on that pub for YEARS

Oh god.
Worse one was a blind date I was set up on in my teens. I nearly never spoke to my mates again.
I had a terrible break up, I had been seeing a lad from college for 4 months which now seems nothing but at 16 is the biggest thing ever. So mates decided to set me up
He was just eugh.
He collected me from my parents house, bringing a rose for me, a bouquet for my mum and a bottle of wine for my dad. He was all sir and Mrs this. My mum was hooked, my dad took me aside in the kitchen and said he's a creep
He took me to a pub. He was just so up his own arse. He wasn't attractive to me at all. He was too try hard. He then proceeded to ask did I want to go somewhere else- and took me to a mates house where my ex was also in attendance. I said to him I wanted to leave as it was awkward but nope. He insisted.
It was so weird him trying to cop off with me whilst my ex sat there. Then I managed to get out into the kitchen, and my ex comes in and says "if you're trying to make me jealous don't bother, I know him and he's a prick so good luck with that".
I asked the guy to walk me home and he was very handsy, apparently he had bought me a drink so expected something in return. The cabbie, god bless him, told him to get out, then dropped me home, refusing money as he said he could tell I was in need of help and his daughter wasn't much different in age from me.
I rang my mate up and said what the fuck were you thinking, she was shocked that I thought he was such a tool.
He still used to turn up at my house after that, I would come home from college and he would be there. He slept with my mum eventually so that was an interesting turn up so at least someone got something out of it.

@Tiktokersmiracle um...he did what?!

Whaaaat @tiktokersmiracle?! That's a plot twist!

What? Definitely a bit of a sleazeball then! Tiktokersmiracle

Actually when I was in my teens I dated an guy a few years older. He often told me how attractive my mum was. Luckily she thought he was a weirdo.

Oh God where do I start? Short men lying about their height? Check. Older guys lying about their age? Check. One was six inches shorter than me and had tiny hands. He insisted on holding hands. I felt like I was taking a toddler for a walk.
The one where we went to a nice pub for lunch and he talked about himself without pause for an hour. I waited for him to ask me a question about myself; it never happened. Then tried to sexually assault me in the car park.
The one(s) who have been watching too much porn. Then think they can re-enact it with me.
The one who pestered me for a date after meeting on a dating app. He sent a couple of hazy, not very clear photos of himself. What I could make out looked ok, he seemed nice, I agreed to meet. I made sure I looked good (more for my own self confidence, but I believe in making an effort for someone too.) He picked me up in his car, he got out...He was at least half a foot shorter than he'd claimed and at least 5 years older. He was wearing scruffy joggers, trainers with no socks and a scruffy t-shirt. I felt like such an overdressed idiot. He'd said he would take me out for food, we went to KFC. I cut the evening short and fled. He had some dodgy opinions about immigrants, young people today etc.
But I think the worst one was the guy who turned out to be married. On his second marriage in fact. I've given up now, too old for this crap.

@CharDee

I started a thread on here ages ago about this but didn't get many responses! Some of these are awful! This was mine that I had forgotten all about until a friend reminded me!

I signed up for online dating - I was 18 and thought I'd meet someone nice

I ended up talking to someone "Ben" and we agreed to meet up at a bar for a few drinks. On my way he called and said his taxi had broken down and he was going to get another one so would be about 20 mins late and told me to just go in and sit at the bar to wait for him.

I went in the bar and sat down. Some man "Craig" came up and started talking to me, he was friendly enough so I chatted back. Then he asked if he could buy me a drink and I thanked him but said I was waiting for someone. He went and sat down. A few minutes later Ben text and said that he was cancelling. He saw his taxi breaking down as sone sort of sign and he wasn't ready to start dating after all. I sat at the bar and didn't know what to do so carried on drinking my drink trying to work out how I could leave without the whole bar knowing I'd been stood up - obviously nobody around me actually gave a crap but I was 18 and so embarrassed at the time!

A few minutes later Craig came over and asked if I was ok. I said I was and he looked around and asked if I'd been stood up. He seemed lovely and naive me said I had been and he bought me a drink and started talking to me. We had a lovely conversation and I thought he was quite nice and he was attractive so I was thinking my night had picked up!

We had had about 5 drinks each at this point and were being quite flirty, he had his hand on my knee and was leaning in to kiss me when he stopped and looked at something behind me in horror.

I turned and saw a woman stood there staring at us. I thought she must be his girlfriend and maybe he wasn't as nice as I thought. He said it was his ex and they'd recently broken up but she wasn't over him. She stormed over and started confessing her love for him while I just sat there not knowing what to do. Then she went to storm off and he grabbed her back and told her he still loved her, they did like a full on romantic movie kiss and then he turned to me apologised and left.

I was just sat there, again, embarrassed and not sure what I should do. Then a barman came over and asked if I was ok. I said I was and then he told me that that was the 4th time that had happened in the bar with the same people and that they were going to start warning people about him if he came in again.

It turned out that Ben and Craig were the same person. Ben asked someone out and stood them up allowing "Craig" to swoop in and rescue the sad girl alone at the bar only to have this other woman storm in and then they act out this scene for god knows what reason.

Now the barman was very nice but I wasn't sure if he was part of this weird little thing so I ended up leaving straight away and finding my friends who were nearby and getting myself very drunk!

So weird. Some people have strange kinks

Oh god I have so many!

One from an app where we’d just met each other and were sat on bar stools facing each other (no table in between). He edged his chair to be far too close to me (our knees were touching), so I edged mine back a bit and then he edged his closer again, so I moved back again. This happened honestly about 10 times in a row, so that we’d moved from being near the bar to right out in the middle of the walkway. In the end I said “sorry, do you mind giving me some space?” And he said “I can’t help it, I’m drawn to you!”. I said I needed the loo and did a runner!

Another one from an app where he must’ve taken his photos with children or dwarves because he looked normal height in his pictures but was actually about 5’3” (I’m 5’9 in heels). He also turned out to have the most bizarre accent I’ve ever heard, which he said was German but sounded like some weird caricature of someone pretending to be German in a cartoon. He then said he’d get the drinks as “I’m a banker, and very, very wealthy” I tried to be polite but he repeated everything I said back to me, Me: “I love travelling” Him: “ahh you love travelling” Me: I’ve actually just been to Italy” Him: “ah you’ve been to Italy” and after about 20 minutes I decided I’d had enough and pretended to have a flatmate emergency which meant I needed to leave!

I’ve also had one where I bumped into my recent ex and burst into tears and one where I bumped into my boss who I’d told I couldn’t stay late to work as I was feeling under the weather

Thank god I’m now with DH!!

[quote sugarhockeyicedtea]@Tiktokersmiracle um...he did what?![/quote]
Yeah my mum is an interesting person. Ive not spoken to her in over 2 decades now. Total narc. There's suggestions my sister isn't actually fully my sister either.
She tried it on with DP too who was horrified.

@Tiktokersmiracle

Oh god. Worse one was a blind date I was set up on in my teens. I nearly never spoke to my mates again. I had a terrible break up, I had been seeing a lad from college for 4 months which now seems nothing but at 16 is the biggest thing ever. So mates decided to set me up He was just eugh. He collected me from my parents house, bringing a rose for me, a bouquet for my mum and a bottle of wine for my dad. He was all sir and Mrs this. My mum was hooked, my dad took me aside in the kitchen and said he's a creep He took me to a pub. He was just so up his own arse. He wasn't attractive to me at all. He was too try hard. He then proceeded to ask did I want to go somewhere else- and took me to a mates house where my ex was also in attendance. I said to him I wanted to leave as it was awkward but nope. He insisted. It was so weird him trying to cop off with me whilst my ex sat there. Then I managed to get out into the kitchen, and my ex comes in and says "if you're trying to make me jealous don't bother, I know him and he's a prick so good luck with that". I asked the guy to walk me home and he was very handsy, apparently he had bought me a drink so expected something in return. The cabbie, god bless him, told him to get out, then dropped me home, refusing money as he said he could tell I was in need of help and his daughter wasn't much different in age from me. I rang my mate up and said what the fuck were you thinking, she was shocked that I thought he was such a tool. He still used to turn up at my house after that, I would come home from college and he would be there. He slept with my mum eventually so that was an interesting turn up so at least someone got something out of it.

The plot twist has made me cry with laughter. What the fuck??

Yeah I know right?
I do laugh about it to be honest
She's just a bloody cow, I had suspicions as he would be there when I got back from college but couldn't prove it. One afternoon our tutor was off sick so we all decided to bugger off home, so I got home an hour earlier, to find him coming down the stairs, doing up his shirt and her in a dressing gown. They looked like they wanted to die.
They're still together my parents, I've no respect for my dad either to be honest. But it certainly confirmed what a twat the guy was. My mates were mortified.

Yes. I had a blind date with a guy.

We met in a pub and he looked like his photo so that was a bonus. Very nice chap but just SO boring. Talked a lot about his passion for WW2, seeing his grandma every week and his dog.

So he wasn't for me as just too dull. Still, we had a pleasant but boring evening and I said goodbye and left

I was sat at home that evening and a message pinged through. From him. It was a photo of him, clearly in his bedroom with a camera/phone specially set up - he was on all 4s, totally naked, using both hands to err ' pull apart his bottom cheeks' showing me exactly where the sun doesn't shine. No caption.

All I could think of to say in response was ' you've got lovely oak flooring there!' and that was that

So never judge a book by its cover eh?