To want to hear stories of the worst date you've been on? Lighthearted!

[MaMaD1990]

I'll start...I went on my first date in a very long time years ago (in my 20s) and was totally catfished. Expecting a tall handsome man, I was greeted by a spotty, short man with his hair majorly thinning and looking double what he claimed his age to be. Being British, I decided it would be far too rude to leave so sat down whilst he whinged at me for 45 minutes about his bad back and other health problems. I made my excuses to leave and he insisted on walking me to my car. Got outside and he was about to go in for a kiss (shudder) when a man stumbled out the door of the pub and threw up. I got in my car quickly and never saw him again. I'm still thankful for that vomiting stranger!

Oh god-the fan fitter
I tried online dating and had some howlers but the one that springs to mind is one I got talking to
Seemed a nice bloke and we swapped numbers (I had a burner phone so would give that number instead of my own number)
Anyway-we arranged a date-all good-until he rang me to say he was running 5 minutes late-his voice was just like Orville the duck
I figured I’d paid the babysitter so would go through with it-he rocked up,we bought the drinks and he started to tell me all about his career fitting bathroom fans (I mean ask he anything about bathroom fans-I wasn’t an expert then-I sure am now)
He insisted on walking me home,and I said I’d stop for something to eat as I was staving
We stopped at the chippy and he insisted on paying for the chips-we sat on a bench in my local park to eat them with him still banging on about bathroom fans
I made my excuses and hailed a taxi to go home,deleted his number and chalked it up as experience
Anyway the next day I got a text from him saying that as I hadn’t been willing to have sex with him,I owed him £1.90 for the chips
I sent him £2 just to get rid of him and he had the neck to message me again to say I owed him 20p
I deleted and blocked him-never heard from him again thankfully

Looked nice in the pics, reasonable chat. In the date he opened his mouth and his teeth stuck out at virtually a right angle from his face. He could have eaten an apple through a tennis racket. Bad teeth is a big no for me.

This was a long time ago, before online dating it was the lonely hearts adverts in the newspapers. (I eventually met my DH through it and we've been married 21 years now!).
Met this guy and he seemed ok and we went for a drink, he's like what do you want? I said a vodka and coke, there was a pause and he said "do you mind if its just a cokre, only brought enough money for one if them!!!. It was downhill from there!

My male friends warned me off this chap saying he smoked crack at the back of the 559. Now, I knew they didn't like him but there had been some jealousy over his ex who was now seeing my mate. Not from my date though, he wasn't arsed. He was fit and funny and holding down an (admittedly not very demanding) job and I didn't think they meant he literally smoked crack at the back of the 559.
We met for the date to go to the cinema. But before we could go I ended up waiting outside a load of dodgy newsagents and pubs while he went in trying to sell what I assume were knock off jeans. And to cap it all the film was Mean Machine staring Vinnie Fucking Jones. Then we went for a drink where I sat on my own for ages while he went off to deal with I can't even remember what.
The whole date was surreal, like being Louis Theroux.
I should have known to run when I asked if he'd taken heroin and he answered "not recently."

@MaMaD1990 great thread!

I had just turned 17 (and I looked young) had just come out of swimming with my mates. No make up, hair wet. Would say I looked about 13.
A man pulled up in a brand new convertible
BMW and tried talking to me. I was so shy I hardly looked at him but for some reason gave him my number.
He had the gift of the gab calling/texting me over the next few days. Proper charmer. I agreed to a date.
When we picked me up I realised he must have been close to 20 years older than me. He was from the complete other side of London to me and that’s where he was taking me.
Before we went to eat he pulled up into an estate and these 2 men came out to meet him. I was actually shitting myself. Turns out it was drugs. He was wrapping his arm around me telling them I was ‘his princess’
I was already texting my friends but I had no idea where I was. Anyway,
Hours later we ended up at a harvester! Nice, baring in mind some bloke had just handed over £400 to him. (I don’t expect much, mine and my husbands first date was as a little pub I chose but he had obviously had nothing planned like he pretended)
He dropped me home, well the next street away and tried sticking his tongue down my throat. I’ve never jumped out a car and ran so fast.
For the next 3 months I had non stop texts and calls off his girlfriend and him texting me to tell her we work together.
I changed my number.
It’s only now that I think how bloody dangerous it was.

These are fantastic , I have a couple...

The first, I went as a plus one to a wedding with a guy I'd been talking to online. It was his work colleagues wedding and I didn't know anyone but I was made to feel really welcome, which was lovely. As the night went on, I was having a dance with some of the women he worked with, when his boss came up to me and told me that she really fancied me and that she was a lesbian but she was married so I was never to tell anyone. Then towards the end of the reception there was a group of us sat outside having a cigarette, out of nowhere this man jumps up from his seat, punched my date in the face, knocking him out (completely unprovoked! Everyone was hysterical and the man ran off somewhere.

When my date came round we went back to the hotel we were staying at, I met him the next morning for breakfast and he told me that he'd spoken to his mum and the police had been in contact asking him to go down to the station to make a statement. When we got there the officer advised us that the man had been taken into custody as after we'd left, he had gotten onto the roof of the venue and been threatening to throw himself off the roof ! That was probably the most surreal one.

The second was with a guy that turned out to be about 5ft2 (he was sitting down in his pictures online), we went for food at a chain Italian restaurant and he proceeded to tell me that he'd not really eaten Italian food as his mum mostly cooked traditional, meat and two veg type meals. He asked me to help him pick something off the menu and I suggested the bolognese as wasn't sure really what to suggest/ what he might like. He ate his meal in about 3 minutes and told me that it was the nicest meal he'd ever had! After food I was ready to go home and he offered me a lift, he then said that he'd not realised that there was a McDonald's next to the local tesco, to which I mistakenly told him that me and my sister often went there for a hot chocolate from the drive thru.

He then insisted we stop for a hot chocolate on the way back, to which I agreed. We parked up in tescos car park where there was a large group of young lads standing round the boot of a car, music blaring. My date then started bobbing his head saying he was really enjoying the music . He asked me if he minded if he smoked and I said it was fine, assuming he meant a cigarette. He pulled a joint out of the glove box and started smoking it, all the while bobbing his head around to the music. I scalded my mouth downing the boiling hot chocolate absolutely desperate to get home, it was awful and my mouth was sore for about a week !

Sorry for all the fucking chocolate emojis ! Not sure what happened there.

I have some corkers but I shall just start with one, online dating, guy turns up looks nothing like his picture and about 10 years older, I was too polite to end it there and then. So go to a nice bar (it was evident this man had a bit of money) he was the most arrogant man I had ever met, it was a busy Saturday night so was quite load and he spoke above everyone in the most obnoxious way ever and kept telling me about how he left his wife and child because his wife wouldn’t clean up after him and wouldn’t get a better job, everyone was staring and I wanted the ground to swallow me up, after sitting there listening to him for 45 mins I text my dad to ring me with an emergency so I could bail, he texted me after 45 mins and asked to be fuck buddies 😂😂😂😂

Another one was a chap I actually quite liked and had been on a few dates with decided to ask for another girls number right in front of me, and I cried like a weirdo and was so embarrassed, one of the girls started having a go at him for asking for her mates number while on a date with someone else. That was a bit of a shitty one. Never saw him again thank god 🙃

These are so funny . I so needed the laugh

I went on a date in my early 20s, he was an online date. We met at a shopping centre and went for a walk around the centre. A gentle stroll. But he was sweating profusely. It was pumping out of it. I don't know whether it was nerves or just an issue he had. Anyway, he pulled out a checkered tea towel to pat away his sweat and then tucked it into the belt of his jeans whilst we walked around. His online dating profile said he was 5'8 and he was definitely my height or shorter (5'3). He suggested that he buy us some food, but I just said I'm so sorry, I have to be honest, I'm just not feeling this and it's not to let you buy me some food when I know this won't go anywhere.

When I look back now, I think what an utter bitch you were. If it was me today who went on a date with that guy, I'd like to think I'd be more understanding.

Another date I went on was an odd one. Our first date, I was furious. We had arranged to meet up at a place close to him but a 30 minute drive for me. At the time, money was so, so tight for me. I hated driving anywhere knowing that it was fuel I couldn't afford. I pulled into the car park and received a text from him saying, "Sorry, I've decided to keep my daughter for another night so I won't make it." He was one of these guys who was constantly on his phone so he could have given me notice or text me back immediately when I told him I was setting off (he had read it on Whatsapp straight away). Why on Earth I gave him another chance for a date, I will never know, but then our first rearranged date was lovely. So then we arranged a second one; drinks in the city centre. I turned up and he was literally with his group of mates. It was so strange. Me stood there with a group of guys I didn't know. Anyway, fate had my back that day. I heard somebody squeal my name and I turned around and saw one of my friends with a group of her teacher friends. Her group was drinking next to this guy's group of friends, and I was so glad I had somebody I knew. Then my friend's group was moving on to another bar so I just followed them. Told the guy I was leaving. He turned up a while later at the bar I was at to ask if I was going to come back and join him and his friends. I told him no, thank you, and stayed with my friend. I never saw him again after that. He did message me to say he thought it was weird that I'd agree to a date to then wander off with a friend. I told him it was weirder to turn up to a date WITH his friends!

Another one was online dating. About 5 years after that horrific date. He looked nice in his pictures and we got along well. When we met it was clear that he lied about his height by at least a foot! And he was about 10 years older.
I drove to his house (learnt my lesson to have my own transport) had text address to friends and I was going to follow him in his car to where we would eat. When I got to his house it was huge. A proper mansion and you could tell he was well off. He said to go in his car (an Aston Martin or whatever) and I agreed because I was impressed by the car- silly me. It was only 10 mins up the road and I had the address to come back and get my car if needed.

We sat down for drinks and I ordered a glass of piniot. He said no, we’ll have champagne. I said no honestly I’m fine with wine, it’s what I want.
He asked the waiter to give us a moment and then decided to tell me that he thought women who drink wine are common and classy women drink champagne. What the fuck!!
I Half wished I had asked for cherry lambrini!

I don’t like confrontation but I stood up and loudly declared that I would drink what the hell I wanted.
Went to the bar and ordered myself a large Pinot (£18 for a glass!!!) and got them to call me a cab.

I got the cab back to my car and the bastard had only closed his electric gates with my car in!!!! I didn’t even know he had them at the time I pulled in (it was dark) I had to buzz and he had to open them for me. Proceeded to tell me that I made a show of him in there and he could ‘teach’ me how to be more elegant,
I jumped in my car and in my most common London accident I told him to “fuck off cunt” as I flipped him off.

He pestered me for weeks and weeks after that too. Fucking weirdo.

I started a thread on here ages ago about this but didn't get many responses! Some of these are awful! This was mine that I had forgotten all about until a friend reminded me!

I signed up for online dating - I was 18 and thought I'd meet someone nice

I ended up talking to someone "Ben" and we agreed to meet up at a bar for a few drinks. On my way he called and said his taxi had broken down and he was going to get another one so would be about 20 mins late and told me to just go in and sit at the bar to wait for him.

I went in the bar and sat down. Some man "Craig" came up and started talking to me, he was friendly enough so I chatted back. Then he asked if he could buy me a drink and I thanked him but said I was waiting for someone. He went and sat down. A few minutes later Ben text and said that he was cancelling. He saw his taxi breaking down as sone sort of sign and he wasn't ready to start dating after all. I sat at the bar and didn't know what to do so carried on drinking my drink trying to work out how I could leave without the whole bar knowing I'd been stood up - obviously nobody around me actually gave a crap but I was 18 and so embarrassed at the time!

A few minutes later Craig came over and asked if I was ok. I said I was and he looked around and asked if I'd been stood up. He seemed lovely and naive me said I had been and he bought me a drink and started talking to me. We had a lovely conversation and I thought he was quite nice and he was attractive so I was thinking my night had picked up!

We had had about 5 drinks each at this point and were being quite flirty, he had his hand on my knee and was leaning in to kiss me when he stopped and looked at something behind me in horror.

I turned and saw a woman stood there staring at us. I thought she must be his girlfriend and maybe he wasn't as nice as I thought. He said it was his ex and they'd recently broken up but she wasn't over him. She stormed over and started confessing her love for him while I just sat there not knowing what to do. Then she went to storm off and he grabbed her back and told her he still loved her, they did like a full on romantic movie kiss and then he turned to me apologised and left.

I was just sat there, again, embarrassed and not sure what I should do. Then a barman came over and asked if I was ok. I said I was and then he told me that that was the 4th time that had happened in the bar with the same people and that they were going to start warning people about him if he came in again.

It turned out that Ben and Craig were the same person. Ben asked someone out and stood them up allowing "Craig" to swoop in and rescue the sad girl alone at the bar only to have this other woman storm in and then they act out this scene for god knows what reason.

Now the barman was very nice but I wasn't sure if he was part of this weird little thing so I ended up leaving straight away and finding my friends who were nearby and getting myself very drunk!

@CharDee That is so fucked up!

Went on a date and felt drunk after half a glass of wine due to the adrenaline, the guy was a massive drinker so found myself going along with it stupidly. I could feel myself getting more and more drunk and when it was time to leave we stepped outside and I vomited all over him !!! The date ended with me sprawled out on the pavement unable to move with him nowhere to be seen, un be known to me he had gone to call an ambulance and I was carted off to a and e! The shame! We have seen each other since though so he must have liked me !!

I love these stories.

Did a little online dating but can't think of any really bad experiences.

Blind date set up by someone I knew. Showed me a pic of a distinguished gent who looked a little older than me. Pic was about 20 years old. He spent the evening trashing a book I had told him I liked, mansplaining to me and then went into a rant about how his experiences didnt necessarily make him psychotic and it was wrong to lock people up and give them drugs. Or there was the one where he asked me to meet him at a bar where he was clearly a regular and was so busy looking around and making sure people saw him on a date he asked me the same question 3 times in a row. And then told me at length about all his driving while drunk arrests. Or the guy who took me to a bar which he said he really liked and then tried to get me to stay for the wet tee shirt contest. Jesus. No wonder I live alone with my cats.

Oh my days CharDee, what the hell! The effort of it all too, and roping someone else in on their games without their knowledge.
Imagine working in that bar though. Be change from the normal monotony of the regulars.

During a bout of online dating a couple of years ago post divorce I had a date with a raging onspiracy theorist.

He maundered on for hours about his opinions about the "lamestream media", how the holocaust hadn't happened and his views on Syria (this before 5g masts and COVID denial took off) without catching breath and then it came to light I am an ex (mainstream media) journalist.

He finished off his pint and said: "I can't in all conscience continue to date you but if you fancy a shag I can waive my conscience tonight."

what a catch he was.

When I was maybe 19 or 20 went on a second date with a guy who turns out knew my ex but seemed nice and mature, we went to a pub and it was a but of an underwhelming experience and I happy to call it a night and made my excuses. He then insisted on "swinging past" his friends house party on the way back to my bus stop, every excuse I made he countered.
Turns out it was all organised so I could be shown off to all his friends, even his mum and step dad dropped past "so I could meet them" (on the SECOND DATE!). Apparently I passed the test because he kept asking me out again and when he finally realised I wasn't up for it, probably because I'd said no 4/5 times.
He called me up from a private number and claims my ex had called him up and threatened to "End him" if he went near me again but the new guy had "seen him off" and told him that I was his now and claimed he had booked us a table for that night for us. Unfortunately for him I knew my ex (duh) so I called him on this and then he changed his story and said his friend had called claiming to be my ex 🙄
Ran into him years later when I was heavily pregnant with my DD and he very seriously asked if it was his in front of DH (we hadn't seen each other in over 5 years and never had seen when we did know each other!).

@CharDee wtf.

Went back to a guys house after a date... All was well and we did the deed. I asked where the bathroom was and he directed me. I strolled there in the nude.

So must have lost my bearings.... I walked in to his parents room. This is where I learned he still lived at home. His Dad was GOING DOWN ON HIS MUM!!! We all just screamed and panicked at eachother all stark naked.

Also worst bit we dated for a while but his parents were always mad at me and turns out they hated me because he had actually had a girlfriend at the time (I didn’t know) and he was cheating on her.

@CharDee that is wild!! I am loving all these stories and I hope everyone is getting a good howl out of them - I think everyone needs a laugh right now!

@Happygogoat OMG that must have been absolutely mortifying! 😲

I decided to line a couple of first dates up for two nights running, and well let's just say they were a complete waste of time, make-up, effort and money.

The first guy looked different to his photos but had made an effort with dressing smart so off we went to a pub.
Within 10 minutes he'd told me he came off tag the day before for a crime I thought was hideous. He showed me pictures of weapons he can get on the black market and a housemates room he'd trashed once he discovered he'd stolen his weed.
He allowed me to pay for the food when I offered (I know) and told me his tooth had fallen out that day but he was getting it repaired.
I stayed for just over an hour and he wouldn't listen when I told him there was no need to walk me to my car.
Instead he tried to shove his tongue down my throat
I sent a polite message the next day saying I didn't see it going anywhere but that I wished him well. Never got a reply back!

As if that wasn't bad enough I got dolled up the next night to go on another date.
Long story short, the guy only came up to my shoulders (no exaggeration- and I'm 5'6), he was rude and told me he'd lied about his age to find a younger woman!
He was 5yrs older than what I'd set my age limit on the app we met on and I told him it was not nice to lie etc and it had put me off.
He went on to explain that whilst 50yr old women's faces might have been ok their bodies weren't and pulled a disgusted face
Honestly... you couldn't make it up! I made a swift exit and sent a msg later telling him why I wouldn't be seeing him again and I got an apology at least.

Definitely learnt a few things from those dates I tell you!

@CharDee that is literally the plot of a book, it’s called The Ex, it’s written by Nicola Moriarty.