Bit offended by friends comment about my parenting

[Spiritofeden88]

Friend is pregnant with her first and she won’t need to work.

She said to me the other day ‘oh, I could never mother like you have’ as in I have had to work and have had quite a busy life with my 2 kids- childcare, rushing to get to work, having dropped kids off at childminder but also lots of kids parties, quite sociable, kids doing sports clubs etc. I have been a busy mum but aren’t most people? I enjoyed it too- met lots of people & have had fun.

It’s offended me as it feels like a criticism- aibu?

The best parent are always the ones without kids aren't they

Someone at work said something similar to me when I came back after maternity leave after DS. She said 'oh I couldn't have come back so soon' (DS was 12 months) she said 'I stayed at home till my little girl went to school, it's mean you've come back so soon, they need their mum when they're that little'. I was heart broken as I'd literally just come back and was struggling with my return anyway. People are inherently self centred, she probably didn't mean to offend you, just some people have no idea that other people love different lives to themselves.

47? Wow. Well good luck to her. I’m in my early 60’s and can’t imagine having a stroppy teen to deal with.
I’m sure you’re doing a grand job op and your friend will too.

Cheeky cow!!

I'm in her camp in terms of not having to work and I have to say, if I'd ever said anything that bloody rude, not that I would have, but I would have expected to get my ass handed to me real quick!!

She needs to realise just how lucky she is to be in that position, that most Mums have to work and how hard it is for many Mum's to leave their kids to do so, never mind those who want to go back to work, which is also completely bloody normal!

She's utterly deluded.

A bit like pregnant me who actually believed I wouldn't allow my son to use screens/games.

Oh how we laugh now!!

I went back to work after 3 months with mine and no help with childcare - but I had no choice. Plus tbf I do think the nursery was helpful. It's hard work working and parenting but wait till she has her baby she'll see how hard it is and want to go to work probably!

Meh. It’s her first baby. She doesn’t know yet the shitstorm that her life will be soon. I used to say all sorts of stupid shit about parenting before I actually had any kids. Just smile smugly in a few years when she’s a woman on the edge, just like the rest of us.

The best parent are always the ones without kids aren't they

This, all day long!!

I don't think she meant is as an insult either. As previous posters says it sounds like admiration

Stop being a snowflake, that's just normal conversation. Grow up for the sake of your friends! XXX, Anita-Sue

She will learn how hard being a parent can be, when she does you can smile knowingly. Let it go.

A friend said this to me when she quit work to have her first child. I had three at that point.

I just said that I couldn’t be a SAHM, it just wouldn’t suit me. I’m sure she thought I was a terrible mother but I didn’t care then and I don’t care now. I’m happy with my choices.

Your friend is most likely very envious of your get-up-and-go. Your life sounds busy but fun and your kids will look back on the fullness of their childhood with great fondness.
You should do what you have to do.

A friend of mine from uni seemed genuinely amazed I work full time and have 2 children. She is married to a chap who is loaded and works all hours, she has 3 kids and even has someone to drive them to their clubs. I didn't know people like her existed and thought what a waste of her degree it was!!

The best parent you will ever be is before you have kids......

I wouldn’t get too worked up about it. You could always say “it will be interesting to see just how you do turn out when the reality of being a patent kicks in!”

She’s a twatticus. Naive and not much of a friend.

@Chocolatechips12

The best parent are always the ones without kids aren't they

It depends on the exact context and tone of voice, I suppose; but to me it sounds like a compliment: that she wouldn't be able to live up to your standards of organization in juggling parenthood and work.

It's rather insensitive, but I would have taken it to mean that she couldn't handle all that running around, rather than your way was not good.
She may not need to work now, but circumstances change and she may find herself needing to, either for money or her own sanity. Right now she is naively imagining a life of lying next to her baby on a picnic blanket on a summers day, fully tested, having just whipped up a fresh batch of scones. She's obviously planning on being the perfect parent, so just humour her and smile sweetly, before walking off to have a knowing chuckle to yourself.

Rested, not tested, although the latter, given the current state of things, is far more likely.

It sounds like praise to me, even if she meant it as an insult. But as PP have said, she just has no idea what the reality is like. She might be bored stiff and desperate to have a life after two years of tantrums and endless 'why?' questions.

Maybe she meant that she could never do as much as you. Like she would never be able to be as competent.

To be honest, I look at mums who have full time jobs, and are just so on top of their house and being a mum,I do think - I could never do that.

Unless she has form in being rude, maybe give her the benefit of the doubt.

Meh these types are cool with it when they turn up to ED and find it staffed.....which occurs largely because of working parents with children being cared for by someone else.

To my mind, putting a roof over my kid’s head is an integral part of parenting - if it’s not my responsibility, whose is it?

I would take it as a compliment.

It sounds like a compliment to me.

But best not to comment on others’ parenting at all. She will learn.