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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the school hasn’t thought it through.

138 replies

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 19:11

Firstly, I would like to say I have respect for all schools and teaching staff through this tough time and I know that they are under a huge amount of pressure and all that.

Generally the school (primary!) dc go to is fantastic, supportive etc.

But I feel they haven’t really been fair at all!

Firstly they prioritised keyworker children which is great but they’ve given spaces to children who still have one parent at home. They’ve given children with just one keyworker parent a full 5 days as those parents were given first choice before anyone else.

As there is a fair few keyworker children at the school it’s left little to no capacity for any children that are vulnerable!

Aibu to think they should have prioritised those children with both parents being keyworkers, then vulnerable children and then keyworker children with one parent still at home if spaces available rather than no provision for vulnerable children. Some children have been given 1, 2 or 3 days depending on space. Some go the full week.

I only ask as DS is somewhat vulnerable and hasn’t been given any provision. He is on the spectrum and has an EHCP. He didn’t go during the last lockdown for various reasons but we didn’t anticipate how bad things would get. The social skills we built years learning become too hard for him, it took several weeks to settle him into school in September - to the point where he was screaming outside the school every morning sitting on the grass just refusing to budge. He started suffering from severe anxiety, panic episodes. He wasn’t himself at all. He was biting himself in frustration etc. Lashing out at us. All issues he didn’t have before lockdown and it was just the anxiety about the virus and not seeing anyone apart from us - for someone on the spectrum he is a very sociable boy and thrives on it.

Basically he went from a happy go lucky child who was generally settled and happy at school with support to an over anxious, snappy and at times would lash out which isn’t like him at all . To the point that I had the school putting a cause for concern record on us and blamed us after he changed so much during lockdown. Very little work got done during lockdown (I was always honest about this and the school knew this from the start!) and he’s already behind his peers by 2 years.

Thing is things have got improved since September. He’s more settled and usually enjoying school but I’m worried sick a prolonged time off school is really going to set us back and we will be back to that again.

His behaviour at home isn’t great and it affects Dd. Partner doesn’t qualify as a keyworker but has worked throughout all lockdowns and long hours. The pressure is on me.

As well as this we had a terrible 2020 as family not just due to covid but various other things - death in the family etc etc.

This isn’t the case of me trying to get him into school for my own benefit. Of course it would take the strain off me but it would really benefit DS being in school as well as benefitting the school after they knew how hard things were settling him back in. I would rather keep him home safe but I feel the benefit of DS being in school outweighs the risk.

the school have said he isn’t classed as vulnerable as no social care involved but he has an EHCP and we’ve had all these issues above and I’m drained and scared to be honest.

As far as I know that only only child in DS’s class has both keyworker parents and they are going 3 days a week yet another child with just one keyworker parent is 5 days a week.. there’s just no logic.

To add, the work on google classroom is way too hard for DS and we haven’t been given anything else yet. He has 1:1 support at school and I just can’t motivate him to concentrate like he does at school. 😭

If they are off for weeks or months it’s not just the case of him going back to school. Settling him in takes him so long.

They can’t magic up a school space can they 😭😭

OP posts:
LuaDipa · 10/01/2021 19:17

I’m not sure what the solution is but this is wrong. Your ds is vulnerable and should be in school.

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 19:27

I feel guilty for wanting him to go to school so much. I’d rather keep them home and be safe but his attitude really affects Dd and it’s the long term effects of being off school.

I would be happy just with 2 days a week just for him to continue some normality, school work and social interaction. 😭

OP posts:
ZebraSpotts · 10/01/2021 19:32

You need to challenge school, he's meant to have a place at school and they'll prob still be getting 1:1 funding for him

ZebraSpotts · 10/01/2021 19:34

Also fairly sure they haven't suspended echps this time, like they did in very first lockdown. So school has to actually still meet all his echp needs and requirements

Cactusowl · 10/01/2021 19:40

He absolutely should have a place. Contact your SEN case officer in you LEA, mine are speaking to schools that’s aren’t accepting children with EHCPs as they should all be offered places.

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 19:41

Thank you. I hope my post hasn’t made me sound entitled. I know so many people are struggling, not just us. It’s a hard time..

Last time DS wouldn’t have been deemed vulnerable so didn’t get a place. But this time round I have argued he is after the nightmare we’ve had with him. We have been in a good place with him lately but this will likely set us back. He refuses to get out of bed early now as he says ‘I’ve got nothing to get up for’, refuses to go out for exercise. It really affects him. He is really sociable (unlike me).

We also live very close to the school so he’s been able to hear some of the children playing.

This week I plan to take walks during play time and lunch. Not sure if it’s the right thing to do but the path near our house goes past the school
and he can wave from a distance just to keep some interaction?

OP posts:
wantmorenow · 10/01/2021 19:45

Sounds challenging . To be fair, most schools implement the criteria imposed upon them by the LEA. They have no input in the rules fortunately .

KatherineOfGaunt · 10/01/2021 19:46

An EHCP is a statutory document so the school should be putting into place whatever the agreement is on there, eg. so many hours 1:1 or whatever. If he's at home, they can't be providing this and, as a pp said, EHCPs haven't been suspended this time, so they should be providing it.

Have you queried it with the SENCo?

WhatKatyDidNxt · 10/01/2021 19:46

Cool. Get the school to swap his place for a child with key worker parents, then the doctor / nurse etc can take some time off work. Nurses and doctors are hardly in demand at the moment! It’s a pandemic and a national crisis not a day out at the seaside. I don’t think anyone is thrilled with their lot.

Seriously am l the only one sick of the moaning threads about the NHS / teachers / schools etc. Everyone thinks they would do better but that easy from the comfort of your own home l suppose. Rather 12-14 hour days in a hospital wearing PPE

NickMarlow · 10/01/2021 19:47

That seems like a crazy order of priorities!

Dd's school has vulnerable children as priority 1, then children with both parents or single parent keyworkers, then children with 1 parent keyworker.

Keep pushing for a place, it sounds like he should be entitled to one.

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 19:48

@WhatKatyDidNxt as specified above there’s only one child in DS’s class with both keyworker parents.

The vast majority of keyworker children in their shcool (small school) are completely unrelated to the nhs. Some are electricians etc, some are mod staff!

OP posts:
wantmorenow · 10/01/2021 19:48

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-55544545

Appreciate this a Welsh story but it does sum up some of the issues which I believe exist in the rest of the UK too.

Norwayreally · 10/01/2021 19:49

You need to challenge this. I don’t agree with the rule stipulating children with a parent at home can go to school at all. They should only be allowed to go to school if both parents are at work or they are vulnerable. Your DS needs to go to school and you need to tell the school.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 19:50

He is entitled to a place. My DDs school have prioritised vulnerable (EHCP/social worker kids) over key workers. Then key workers. Then the other groups of vulnerable.

Comefromaway · 10/01/2021 19:50

@WhatKatyDidNxt

Cool. Get the school to swap his place for a child with key worker parents, then the doctor / nurse etc can take some time off work. Nurses and doctors are hardly in demand at the moment! It’s a pandemic and a national crisis not a day out at the seaside. I don’t think anyone is thrilled with their lot.

Seriously am l the only one sick of the moaning threads about the NHS / teachers / schools etc. Everyone thinks they would do better but that easy from the comfort of your own home l suppose. Rather 12-14 hour days in a hospital wearing PPE

No, the non key worker parent can look after their child the same as a single parent who is a non key worker has to.

The OP has said that families with two key worker parents should be prioritised.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 19:50

I would also contact your LA, ours have been very firm with schools over the vulnerable kids. EHCP provision is still legally enforceable.

0gfhty · 10/01/2021 19:50

He should be in school. This will be really hard for everyone all round if it is difficult for him to settle in.

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 19:52

It needs to be consistent throughout all schools as they all seem to be different.

As started in my op I have no issue with keyworker parents being prioritised. It’s just now the school have done it in some kind of weird order. A child with both keyworker parents on the front line have been given 3 days yet another child who’s got one keyworker parent and not in a job that’s directly got harder by covid has got 5 days. No logic in it all.

OP posts:
hiredandsqueak · 10/01/2021 19:57

OP you need to contact the LA, you should have a named contact on your EHCP paperwork, if not ask for the SEND department. Ask them how they intend to make the provision on the EHCP seeing as the school aren't allowing your child to attend. Undoubtedly what they will do id contact the school and tell them they need to make space for your child to arrend as it will be easier and cheaper than any alternative.

cakewench · 10/01/2021 19:58

@WhatKatyDidNxt

Cool. Get the school to swap his place for a child with key worker parents, then the doctor / nurse etc can take some time off work. Nurses and doctors are hardly in demand at the moment! It’s a pandemic and a national crisis not a day out at the seaside. I don’t think anyone is thrilled with their lot.

Seriously am l the only one sick of the moaning threads about the NHS / teachers / schools etc. Everyone thinks they would do better but that easy from the comfort of your own home l suppose. Rather 12-14 hour days in a hospital wearing PPE

The key worker families at the school I work at are mostly in other fields, not NHS related. And I personally know several families who are using the key worker status of mum (not NHS, again) to get the child into school because the dad is WFH and can’t possibly handle dealing with his children.

Children with EHCPs should be in school before these examples.

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 19:59

Thanks all. I’ve never suggested that keyworker children shouldn’t be prioritised but I just feel crap at the minute worried about the upcoming weeks.

Raising a child in a pandemic is hard and raising children with sen is even harder when they don’t want to cooperate or engage with me or even get out of bed in the morning as they say they have nothing to get up for 😭

I will look into it tomorrow! Thanks all 🥰

OP posts:
LyndaLaHughes · 10/01/2021 20:02

He is categorically entitled to a place and school cannot say no. Contact the LA if needed.

canigooutyet · 10/01/2021 20:02

Ask them to provide links where it states vulnerable are those who have Sw involved.
Mine doesn’t have an ECHP he is still classed as vulnerable because of his ASD.

Unless gov have updated recently, the key worker issue is their fault. They don’t care if both parents are or aren’t. Schools that follow this guidance are directly impacting their vulnerable students.

If you get no joy with the school email the LEA, cc’ing the school and governors. When you start contacting the school email and cc in the chair of governors.

Normally I would suggest the governors after getting nowhere with the school. Just this needs sorting and overturning ASAP.

You might also get further by including all the sen students at some point, so you are doing it for the majority although your priority obviously is your child. Sometimes helps resolve things quicker.

HTH1 · 10/01/2021 20:06

@Norwayreally

You need to challenge this. I don’t agree with the rule stipulating children with a parent at home can go to school at all. They should only be allowed to go to school if both parents are at work or they are vulnerable. Your DS needs to go to school and you need to tell the school.
But isn’t OP at home so able to look after her DS?
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