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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the school hasn’t thought it through.

138 replies

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 19:11

Firstly, I would like to say I have respect for all schools and teaching staff through this tough time and I know that they are under a huge amount of pressure and all that.

Generally the school (primary!) dc go to is fantastic, supportive etc.

But I feel they haven’t really been fair at all!

Firstly they prioritised keyworker children which is great but they’ve given spaces to children who still have one parent at home. They’ve given children with just one keyworker parent a full 5 days as those parents were given first choice before anyone else.

As there is a fair few keyworker children at the school it’s left little to no capacity for any children that are vulnerable!

Aibu to think they should have prioritised those children with both parents being keyworkers, then vulnerable children and then keyworker children with one parent still at home if spaces available rather than no provision for vulnerable children. Some children have been given 1, 2 or 3 days depending on space. Some go the full week.

I only ask as DS is somewhat vulnerable and hasn’t been given any provision. He is on the spectrum and has an EHCP. He didn’t go during the last lockdown for various reasons but we didn’t anticipate how bad things would get. The social skills we built years learning become too hard for him, it took several weeks to settle him into school in September - to the point where he was screaming outside the school every morning sitting on the grass just refusing to budge. He started suffering from severe anxiety, panic episodes. He wasn’t himself at all. He was biting himself in frustration etc. Lashing out at us. All issues he didn’t have before lockdown and it was just the anxiety about the virus and not seeing anyone apart from us - for someone on the spectrum he is a very sociable boy and thrives on it.

Basically he went from a happy go lucky child who was generally settled and happy at school with support to an over anxious, snappy and at times would lash out which isn’t like him at all . To the point that I had the school putting a cause for concern record on us and blamed us after he changed so much during lockdown. Very little work got done during lockdown (I was always honest about this and the school knew this from the start!) and he’s already behind his peers by 2 years.

Thing is things have got improved since September. He’s more settled and usually enjoying school but I’m worried sick a prolonged time off school is really going to set us back and we will be back to that again.

His behaviour at home isn’t great and it affects Dd. Partner doesn’t qualify as a keyworker but has worked throughout all lockdowns and long hours. The pressure is on me.

As well as this we had a terrible 2020 as family not just due to covid but various other things - death in the family etc etc.

This isn’t the case of me trying to get him into school for my own benefit. Of course it would take the strain off me but it would really benefit DS being in school as well as benefitting the school after they knew how hard things were settling him back in. I would rather keep him home safe but I feel the benefit of DS being in school outweighs the risk.

the school have said he isn’t classed as vulnerable as no social care involved but he has an EHCP and we’ve had all these issues above and I’m drained and scared to be honest.

As far as I know that only only child in DS’s class has both keyworker parents and they are going 3 days a week yet another child with just one keyworker parent is 5 days a week.. there’s just no logic.

To add, the work on google classroom is way too hard for DS and we haven’t been given anything else yet. He has 1:1 support at school and I just can’t motivate him to concentrate like he does at school. 😭

If they are off for weeks or months it’s not just the case of him going back to school. Settling him in takes him so long.

They can’t magic up a school space can they 😭😭

OP posts:
Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 20:30

@Chel098 its irrelevant whether OP is working or at home. Her DC should be in because he has an EHCP. That is the only relevant bit.

canigooutyet · 10/01/2021 20:31

Technically shouldn’t his 1-2-1 be furloughed?
You could raise the question about the 1-2-1 coming to do work with him at home. Obviously assuming this is something you would go along with.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 20:32

@chel098 the only relevant thing regarding the OP is that her DC has an EHCP.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 20:32

Oh my original psot said it didn't post, sorry!

kathmacc · 10/01/2021 20:32

Your son absolutely should be in school - he has a plan and should definitely be given a place - contact your LEA, particularly the officer who did your plan - my daughter and son have places at secondary school as their brother has complex learning disabilities - his provision is open but he is unable to attend due to being "clinically extremely vulnerable" - and other posters are correct - they will still be getting funding for his plan - take care.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 20:33

@canigooutyet no as officially full provision should be provided so 1-1 should still be supporting the child. The school are using the funding but not providing the provision

canigooutyet · 10/01/2021 20:33

Some clearly haven’t lived the village live.
Some really are nosy fuckers who can even tell you when you take a shit and make it gossip. Not suggesting that’s what op is doing.

That knowing every damn detail is why I won’t return to village live

Still1nLove · 10/01/2021 20:33

The school is required to provide a place at school for your son if he has an EHCP. They cannot say they don’t have capacity/staff

Chel098 · 10/01/2021 20:33

@Mumofsend I didn’t ask OP if she worked.

I said if OP doesn’t think something is right she should raise it with the school.

LizDiz · 10/01/2021 20:33

www.gov.uk/government/publications/actions-for-schools-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak please read this document OP. Your child has a right to a school place and the Local authority still has a legal obligation to provide all of the support set out in his EHCP. If the school say they cannot offer him a place (the guidance clearly says they have to, but if they persist in saying no) then contact the Local authority SEN dpt and ask them what they are going to do as they need to find a suitable school place.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 20:35

@Chel098 It wasn't your post I quoted as irrelevant.

Lavanderrose · 10/01/2021 20:35

Maybe they class vulnerable as being at risk of harm, and not automatically class children with a EHCP as vulnerable? If they know that you are a loving and supportive parent and the child’s needs to being met well at home, I can see why they haven’t given your dc a space...
There are lots of children who will struggle to settle back in after lockdown so hopefully the school will help the transition period when the time comes.

GrandTheftWalrus · 10/01/2021 20:36

DD is going back to nursery tomorrow. We are both key workers. Security for the NHS. But we were asked who our employer is and where we were working. But the nursery knows we've been working throughout since April.

We never managed to get her a space last time as her nursery was used as a hub so more children for less spaces, however this time because in her nursery with her usual keyworker she got a space.

YANBU OP, I would rather your child got a space over mine and that's basically what I thought last time. More needy children should get a space because at the time neither of us were working then we got this contract on 1st April.

CrappingMyself · 10/01/2021 20:37

I would suggest also @Canneverthinkofagoodusername you may not be party to information that means some children are accessing school 5 days a week. Vulnerable can also mean social services involvement for example.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 20:37

@Lavanderrose the government have defined vulnerable, it is not up to schools to determine it otherwise.

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 20:37

Thanks all 🌸 my main concern is just with settling him down again and the impact on him both emotionally and in the terms or schooling etc. I know all children are going through this. But DS was non verbal until 5 and school really helps improve his speech, he has sensory issues and learning difficulties so much so he probably won’t be able to do his sats in year 6 etc. (He is in year 5
now!), he wont concentrate at home and just the whole social interaction helps him greatly.

OP posts:
canigooutyet · 10/01/2021 20:38

And that’s another reason why the school are taking the piss. Taking advantage of the 1-2-1 to provide education for the class when technically they should be at home. Just like when the child leaves, the 1-2-1 are let go if they are surplus to requirement.

LizDiz · 10/01/2021 20:42

For all the posters who keep suggesting children with EHCPs may not be vulnerable, they are as decided by the government. They need special educational support which must be provided by professional s, that could be teachers, TAs, speech and language therapists, occupational therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, physios, sensory impairment specialists, dyslexia specialists, numeracy specialists. The list is endless. Do you see how this may not work if this is left to a parent? No one person will have all the skills they need.

HowManyToes · 10/01/2021 20:44

@canigooutyet

From OP: ” the school have said he isn’t classed as vulnerable as no social care involved”

LizDiz · 10/01/2021 20:45

And do bear in mind, those with EHCPs are a tiny minority. They really are in need if they have an EHCP, they are not easy to come by.

FoxyTheFox · 10/01/2021 20:45

And school have it wrong.

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 20:46

@Lavanderrose

Maybe they class vulnerable as being at risk of harm, and not automatically class children with a EHCP as vulnerable? If they know that you are a loving and supportive parent and the child’s needs to being met well at home, I can see why they haven’t given your dc a space... There are lots of children who will struggle to settle back in after lockdown so hopefully the school will help the transition period when the time comes.
Possibly yes. But after last year the school put a cause for concern record on DS as he wasn’t coping with school at all and was questioned by the school if everything was okay. They didn’t take it further and didn’t call SS. But I’m concerned how things will be after this lockdown! I admit to struggling with DS, we don’t get any support outside of school usually. He’s very loved and looked after but he is hard work. We’ve had other things too. For instance DS told the school we let him stay up all night playing 18 games (he wishes!) and again the school put it on his record as a cause for concern! 😭
OP posts:
Smile19 · 10/01/2021 20:47

Hi OP,
As others have said, you can send your child to school. Let them know you are planning on sending them in on X date (perhaps give them a couple of days notice if possible so they get the staffing right for your child). They should be fine with it. If they say no, let them know you're contacting your child's case officer to ask for their support with ensuring your child is receiving what they should. They will also help with the school if the school needs support understanding what they need to do.
Good luck OP. Go for it. Your child should be in school if you wish for them to attend.

All the best.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 20:47

@HowManyToes the school are wrong. They can't override that the government class ehcp as vulnerable

LizDiz · 10/01/2021 20:47

@HowManyToes EHCP = vulnerable. Social services is not the only reason to be considered vulnerable regardless of what the school are saying. See here www.gov.uk/government/publications/actions-for-schools-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak