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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the school hasn’t thought it through.

138 replies

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 19:11

Firstly, I would like to say I have respect for all schools and teaching staff through this tough time and I know that they are under a huge amount of pressure and all that.

Generally the school (primary!) dc go to is fantastic, supportive etc.

But I feel they haven’t really been fair at all!

Firstly they prioritised keyworker children which is great but they’ve given spaces to children who still have one parent at home. They’ve given children with just one keyworker parent a full 5 days as those parents were given first choice before anyone else.

As there is a fair few keyworker children at the school it’s left little to no capacity for any children that are vulnerable!

Aibu to think they should have prioritised those children with both parents being keyworkers, then vulnerable children and then keyworker children with one parent still at home if spaces available rather than no provision for vulnerable children. Some children have been given 1, 2 or 3 days depending on space. Some go the full week.

I only ask as DS is somewhat vulnerable and hasn’t been given any provision. He is on the spectrum and has an EHCP. He didn’t go during the last lockdown for various reasons but we didn’t anticipate how bad things would get. The social skills we built years learning become too hard for him, it took several weeks to settle him into school in September - to the point where he was screaming outside the school every morning sitting on the grass just refusing to budge. He started suffering from severe anxiety, panic episodes. He wasn’t himself at all. He was biting himself in frustration etc. Lashing out at us. All issues he didn’t have before lockdown and it was just the anxiety about the virus and not seeing anyone apart from us - for someone on the spectrum he is a very sociable boy and thrives on it.

Basically he went from a happy go lucky child who was generally settled and happy at school with support to an over anxious, snappy and at times would lash out which isn’t like him at all . To the point that I had the school putting a cause for concern record on us and blamed us after he changed so much during lockdown. Very little work got done during lockdown (I was always honest about this and the school knew this from the start!) and he’s already behind his peers by 2 years.

Thing is things have got improved since September. He’s more settled and usually enjoying school but I’m worried sick a prolonged time off school is really going to set us back and we will be back to that again.

His behaviour at home isn’t great and it affects Dd. Partner doesn’t qualify as a keyworker but has worked throughout all lockdowns and long hours. The pressure is on me.

As well as this we had a terrible 2020 as family not just due to covid but various other things - death in the family etc etc.

This isn’t the case of me trying to get him into school for my own benefit. Of course it would take the strain off me but it would really benefit DS being in school as well as benefitting the school after they knew how hard things were settling him back in. I would rather keep him home safe but I feel the benefit of DS being in school outweighs the risk.

the school have said he isn’t classed as vulnerable as no social care involved but he has an EHCP and we’ve had all these issues above and I’m drained and scared to be honest.

As far as I know that only only child in DS’s class has both keyworker parents and they are going 3 days a week yet another child with just one keyworker parent is 5 days a week.. there’s just no logic.

To add, the work on google classroom is way too hard for DS and we haven’t been given anything else yet. He has 1:1 support at school and I just can’t motivate him to concentrate like he does at school. 😭

If they are off for weeks or months it’s not just the case of him going back to school. Settling him in takes him so long.

They can’t magic up a school space can they 😭😭

OP posts:
FlyingPandas · 10/01/2021 20:48

OP it sounds to me as if there's been a mistake somewhere. He absolutely should be at school. Who advised you that he wasn't entitled to a space? Have you spoken to a member of the leadership team?

As others have said, children with an EHCP are automatically deemed vulnerable, it's nothing to do with whether social services are involved or not.

Good luck, I hope you are able to get this sorted.

Comefromaway · 10/01/2021 20:49

It’s incredibly difficult to get an EHCP these days. They are only given to children with significant needs that can’t be met in the normal course of things.

There is no doubt the OP’s child is vulnerable and needs to be in school.

Parkermumma07 · 10/01/2021 20:50

So many schools doing things differently, me and my husband are both police officers working shifts. Apparently we don’t Qualify for a place as we are not NHS staff or in education!

LizDiz · 10/01/2021 20:51

@Parkermumma07. Yes you do qualify for a place and schools have been told not to limit places. See here www.gov.uk/government/publications/actions-for-schools-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak

Lucieintheskye · 10/01/2021 20:53

OP yanbu and for the record, I think your post is one of the most well-written covid complaints I've ever seen!

Contact the school, firstly the class teacher and then Sendco/head, whoever you'd speak to if you had an issue while at school. Show them his work if he's done any (i.e. half finished worksheet) and prove he isn't coping well, ask if there's any way you could send him in even 1 day a week to get some support, or if there's any way they can arrange support for you at home (e.g. a video call with 1:1 support staff or 1:1 call with sendco/pastoral staff).

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, and that your child is suffering because of it. Hope things get better and you and your LO get support Flowers

Comefromaway · 10/01/2021 20:53

@Parkermumma07

So many schools doing things differently, me and my husband are both police officers working shifts. Apparently we don’t Qualify for a place as we are not NHS staff or in education!
I’m speechless.
LizDiz · 10/01/2021 20:54

You donr need to ask for just one day!he is entitled to a full time place in school.

SnowmanDrinkingSnowballs · 10/01/2021 20:54

My DD has a care plan and a 1:1 support worker. She has been offered 3 half days with her TA in an otherwise empty classroom. If his care plan has funding for support then it shouldn’t matter how many keyworker children are in they should be able to provide a room for him to come in. As others have said the legal requirements to comply with care plans have not been suspended this time round but think carefully about what you are asking for. A full time place might not be possible or even desirable as School will be a very different place right now.

cansu · 10/01/2021 20:55

The problem with the key worker bit is that the government have told schools to admit those who have only one key worker parent. I have said before that the government should have consulted with headteachers on this prior to publishing the guidance. that said, your ds is vulnerable and has special needs. I would write a very clear letter making this clear and asking for a place. Explain also what the impact of not being in school would have on your ds. Keep it pleasant but be assertive. Headteachers can use their discretion. We have kids in who are vulnerable for all sorts of reasons. However, it is also true that the poor way this was done by the government has led to schools being completely overwhelmed with too many kids. Another balls up basically.

ladygracie · 10/01/2021 20:55

As others have said you are absolutely entitled to a place. Please do question it. Speak to the SENDCo or the local authority if they can’t help. Good luck.

Timeturnerplease · 10/01/2021 20:55

You need to speak to his school, and ask what is happening with his EHCP in the meantime.

Schools have so many plates in the air right now, some are inevitably going to drop.
Head teachers are great at school level logistics, but deciding upon national educational policy in the midst of a global pandemic is rightly beyond them.

It’s almost like there should be a body higher up issuing clear rules and supporting individual institutions...

DishingOutDone · 10/01/2021 20:56

@Cactusowl

He absolutely should have a place. Contact your SEN case officer in you LEA, mine are speaking to schools that’s aren’t accepting children with EHCPs as they should all be offered places.
I was going to say call your case officer too
C4tintherug · 10/01/2021 20:57

If he goes to school, he will be provided with childcare. He will not get the support ie 1 to 1 if that is stipulated on his EHCP. That would be putting the TA at high risk of transmitting the virus.
He is entitled to a school place but I think he would probably get better 1 to 1 support at home. He would likely be in a class with many others and just 1 member of staff supervising.

year5teacher · 10/01/2021 21:00

Not being funny but I have over 20 children in my class right now. How many children does each class have in your DS’s school? I’m not saying teachers should be put under more risk but to me, a child with ASD who is saying they have nothing to get out bed for is a child I would want to be in my class right now.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 21:00

@C4tintherug in the politest way possible you are incorrect. Do you actually have a child with 1-1 EHCP support?

My DD is in full time. She has her 1-1 as normal. She is receiving all of her LEGALLY enforceable provision with the exception of a social skills group. She has her differentiated curriculum. She has everything she should have.

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 21:01

She is also autistic and 6 so has literally zero concept of social distancing or personal space at the best of times.

LizDiz · 10/01/2021 21:01

@c4intherug. Yes he will get the 1 to 1 support. PPE should be used if necessary or the school should provide support as close as possible to what's in the plan. 1 to 1 does not necessarily mean the TA will need to be constantly up close to him. To deny him the support in his plan is illegal.

LizDiz · 10/01/2021 21:03

@Mumofsend. Good to hear your DD is receiving the support she needs Smile

Mumofsend · 10/01/2021 21:05

@LizDiz it is why I'm so frustrated at seeing so many kids being fobbed off at the moment. They should be receiving their provision. Obviously somethings are more than fair enough to not be provided in full but the essentials should be there.

Happymum12345 · 10/01/2021 21:05

I worry for the teachers and staff still at school. I’m at teacher and feel guilty for leaving my Teaching assistant at school with key workers children and vulnerable children. My TA isn’t young, she has a dh with heart failure and I know that so many children are going into school who’s parents are at home. The virus is spreading and people are either dying or becoming very unwell. If you are able to, I believe you should keep your dc at home. Believe me, I’m teaching remotely with three of my own dc and it’s not easy. I don’t think there is a simple solution as mental health obviously matters but so does staying alive especially now we know the end is in sight with the vaccines.

marshmallowfluffy · 10/01/2021 21:08

I think that the order should be vulnerable, 2 keyworker parents /single keyworker parent then 1 keyworker parent.
You're not being entitled at all
Flowers

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 21:08

@year5teacher only a handful in each bubble at the minute I believe!

Thing is DS loves stimulation, he loves going doing things, socialising. Before covid we were out all the time when we could be! He’s happy when he’s doing something. This pandemic has seriously affected him as it has many others. 😭😭

OP posts:
FoxyTheFox · 10/01/2021 21:09

He will not get the support ie 1 to 1 if that is stipulated on his EHCP.

He will as its a legal requirement. When DS school phoned me to let me know DS has a reserved space they explained that he would also have his 1:1 and all of his interventions and therapies. The only one he wouldn't have access to is the Escape Space (a quiet room where children with sensory needs can go when feeling overwhelmed) as it can't be used in a covid safe way without a timetable and you can't really time table a meltdown, however they assured me that he will have supervised access to an empty classroom instead as and when needed.

Canneverthinkofagoodusername · 10/01/2021 21:13

@Parkermumma07

So many schools doing things differently, me and my husband are both police officers working shifts. Apparently we don’t Qualify for a place as we are not NHS staff or in education!
That is awful! They should get a place. I have a friend, both her and her husband are in the police force and as far as I know their children go to school as they should and yours should being frontline workers.

It seems every school is different.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/01/2021 21:13

Our school has prioritised vulnerable first then 2 key worker parents. Then children with one key worker parent depending on circumstances.

We are one key worker parent but the non key worker parent (me) can't work from home at all and we got a place. That means every vulnerable child and everyone with 2 key worker parents has one as they were ahead of us in the queue. That is the way it should be. YANBU.