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AIBU?

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Original poster

Group on FB

309 replies

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 10/01/2021 14:00

So I joined a group of women on FB. To support each other during lockdown and generally have a chat and a nice time online. Ater a week or so the admin changed a photo of the group to one with 5 women holding hands, the pic was taken from back, so no faces. IT was a painting or so from 50's I think or could've been done in retro style. I pointed out that the picture was not inclusive as it was only showing white women and didn't have other women of colour or ethnic minorities. I got a lot of abuse back. Was I wrong? I am a bit shocked and disheartened that in 2021 I had to raise this and no one really was bothered and nearly all the women asked me to shut up and not talk about it

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 10/01/2021 19:48

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake

but I had no issue at all with the black families featured on the ads.

Well that’s good of you

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/01/2021 19:49

@AwaAnBileYerHeid. You going to try posting without insulting me? It's not a problem to you, well done. It is to me but then I've spent a lifetime of being 'othered', not represented or made to feel welcome. A tiny little bit of consideration. My feelings matter as a mixed race person. Glad you can walk away from 'nonsense' I wish I had that privilege.

Coulddowithanap · 10/01/2021 19:49

Maybe they were planning on doing a different picture every week or so (a few groups I am on do that). Does every picture they use have to be inclusive?

Tbh I think you are getting worked up over nothing. And so what if they don't agree with you over it, it would be a very boring place if everyone thought the same about everything.

BlueThistles · 10/01/2021 19:50

@Glenorma

All I asked for was, an inclusive photo showing the diversity of the group By that token it should also include a person in a wheelchair since there are probably some disabled group members. And a transwoman because they should be represented as well. And it should probably also include a man because it’s sexist to say they can’t join a support group. It’s impossible to find a picture that represents everyone, nor can you expect unpaid volunteers to fanny about looking for an image that suits you. If it was something that actually impacted on your life I’d be right behind you in demanding equality and diversity, but at the end of the day it’s just a photo on Facebook?

vey true 🌺

blueangel19 · 10/01/2021 19:51

all MyLifeWTF I am pretty sure you mean well. But calling people closet racists is an attack and part of the reactions of what it has been happening.

Would you agree that most will not understand what the big deal is about a photo in Facebook? If people do not see. You should not need to call them closet racists? May they are just insensitive? Who makes these new rules on racism. One poster said somewhere else if you do not acknowledge white privileged you are racist? Do you see how people can take these things. The issue is not being tackled at all.

I am sorry that the OP feels that way but she needs to also look the world from all angles. This is one of the most inclusive countries in the world. I know this for a fact. And yes there are racists but do not overuse the world because is fast loosing its effect to help.

OverTheRainbow88 · 10/01/2021 19:51

@Coulddowithanap

Maybe they were planning on doing a different picture every week or so (a few groups I am on do that). Does every picture they use have to be inclusive?

Well then I’m sure if this was the case they would have told OP the next pic will be more inclusive

Tbh I think you are getting worked up over nothing. And so what if they don't agree with you over it, it would be a very boring place if everyone thought the same about everything.

Easy to say when you aren’t the minority getting excluded

Taskmasterlover · 10/01/2021 19:51

@UnshakenNeedsStirring YANBU and I think it's really sad how many people on here think you are. It just highlights that it isn't something that white people would even consider and therefore when it's brought up is just dismissed.

You did the right thing by pointing it out as an issue and you're better off without the group if that's their reaction, good for you.

GoldenRainbow · 10/01/2021 19:56

White people will always tell you that it doesn't matter that no one but them is represented.

And anyone asking for anything by different is wrong for a long list of reasons...

Other ethnicities then start their own platforms to more represent themselves and they are wrong for that too.

Original poster
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 10/01/2021 19:59

@MyLifeWTF thank you!! Appreciate it

OP posts:
Original poster
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 10/01/2021 20:00

@Taskmasterlover thanks as well. I appreciate your comment. I was starting to lose faith in humanity.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 10/01/2021 20:02

@mummyoneboy19 Yes I did notice the lack of colour in the picture that represented a group that I was meant to be apart of.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 10/01/2021 20:04

@AwaAnBileYerHeid are you deliberately being obtuse? Btw I left the group. But I think you should join them, you'll fit right in

OP posts:
lalafafa · 10/01/2021 20:05

so woke

GoldenRainbow · 10/01/2021 20:06

I love how calling people 'woke' is the new way to shut people down when they talk about discrimination.

It won't work, we're still here and still talking 👋🏽

Original poster
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 10/01/2021 20:07

@OverTheRainbow88 Only 1 lady voiced her opinion same as me. She is now an FB friend , so something positive has come out of this horrible situation. I was however surprised at the abuse I got for my comment.

OP posts:
blueangel19 · 10/01/2021 20:07

Vilification of White people is not helping either. I am from a minority and mixed raced and from a country where we do not have these issues.

Original poster
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 10/01/2021 20:09

@lalafafa are you trying to be a smart mouth?

OP posts:
MyLifeWTF · 10/01/2021 20:12

@blueangel19 spoken like a true person being blinded by the fake acceptance. Compliant, just how they want you to be.....patronising me to say 'im sure you mean well' sorry but I stick by what I say and I'm not trying to mean well, I'm saying what I see in this world, and that is racism is very much still alive and the more we tell people not to be offended by what we consider the little things, the more it wins and the more indirect racism can continue and we will pretend we can't see it.

Why should op see it from all angles? Why can't racists see it from all angles? Black parents have to tell their kids to not react to racist comments made at school because it won't get solved anyway or are told to not make a fuss when they see blatant racism. Why can't we teach our kids to just simply not be racist or teach businesses to be more inclusive to other ethnicities? No, we tell black people to look at it from our point of view....

And you know for a fact UK is one of the most accepting? Is it? Or is it just you have been more accepted? This is not the case for everyone and you know it.

How can the word racist be overused and then not taken seriously by people trying to help? Its nowhere near being abolished. The more its spoken about the more it will be forced out.

blueangel19 · 10/01/2021 20:14

unshaken Can you share the picture you suggested?

LaceyBetty · 10/01/2021 20:17

@Normalmumandwife

So in a pandemic and thousands dying a week...does anyone really want to listen to you? Clearly the Fb didn't
Oh FFS. We can worry about other things, even during a (shudder) PANDEMIC.
Original poster
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 10/01/2021 20:18

@blueangel19 there were loads of alternatives suggested. I have left the group so dont have access to them.

OP posts:
lookingformyleopard · 10/01/2021 20:18

Wowsers, this thread is a bit scary. I wonder how many of the posters claiming the op's being so unreasonable are not white?
I hadn't realised Mumsnet was like this 😕

spoonrace · 10/01/2021 20:23

YANBU OP, you did the right thing to point it out. If nothing is questioned, nothing changes.

Taskmasterlover · 10/01/2021 20:24

@lookingformyleopard yeah I thought that too. Pretty eye opening for me...

blueangel19 · 10/01/2021 20:25

all MyLifeWTF. I really hope people can’t come together rather than further division. I guess listening more to other sides and opinions could also help. I do not judge people by colour, social class or religion but for character and hope others do the same with me.