To think DPs parents are too involved

[Lindtlover2021]

NC

I'm getting a little fed up with DPs parents when it comes to our DD.

DD is 5 months old and I'm trying to wean her onto solids. I've been pureeing my own veg and a little bit of fruit here and there (not too much as I don't want her to get used to the sweet taste and reject veg).

She's doing well and loves her puree. However, DPs parents keep buying other types of food for her e.g Farleys Rusks and baby rice. I don't want to feed DD these foods, as I prefer homemade. When they buy us the Farleys etc. we say thank you and take it, but don't actually use it (I might have eaten one of two myself lol). They will then ask every time we see them if we've fed DD the food they bought, and we simply tell them we've been feeding her pureed food and hope for the topic to be dropped. Unfortunately though, they have a tendency to go on and on about things when it comes to DDs parenting e.g. when to start feeding baby solids (MIL fed DP baby rice at 3 weeks old), and she wanted us to feed DD baby rice before she was even 3 months, but we didn't! Their tendency to not drop certain topics makes me very uncomfortable as I'm not sure how to respond when they insist that their way is the right way.

Not only this, but every time I say something about DD e.g her teeth are bothering her today, MIL will disagree and say it's something completely different which I find upsetting, as she seems to assume I'm clueless and don't know my own daughter as well as she does.

I'm finding their attitude towards us as parents a little patronising, as they seem to assume we don't know what we're doing. Despite taking advice from professionals and other people who have young children. With the greatest of respect to them, a lot of the advice they've given us hasn't been great e.g telling us that a 4 month old shouldn't be sleeping for 6 hours as it's too long, or that Farleys Rusks are full of all the nutrients baby needs etc, or that a baby who is a few weeks old needs to be fed water.

AIBU to think that they need to back off a little and let us be the parents? I don't mind being offered advice as long as they say it once and drop it, rather than hound us about it.

I thought Farly's tusks were sugar free these days. Send them to me OP, I love them.

That’s just what old people do.

I used to love Farley's rusks, haven't had one in years

Mine was the same, obsessed with baby rice and determined to convince me that DD needed solids before 6 months.

Made me feel like shit and the relationship has never recovered.

I dealt with it by withdrawing completely. I never got into any conversations about DD, what she was eating/ doing so I couldn't be told I was wrong. I also spent minimum time in her company (still do tbh) and only go there on the odd occasion DH wants to go.

Going to her house still gives me anxiety and my eldest is now 8!

I don't know why people behave like this, it's obviously going to backfire because who wants to spend time with someone who constantly undermines them and tells them everything they are doing is wrong?

I'm always grateful that I've received a good example on what NOT to do if I ever become a grandparent.

Ok so far on this thread, we've been told that a Rusk is equivalent to:

A digestive
A chocolate digestive
A Maryland chocolate chip cookie

What's next? I've got £5 on a Jammy Dodger

@bluejag my youngest is 15 and it wAs earlier than 6 months i was adviSed , 4 months purees and stuff , then at 7 months you used to get lumps in jar foods ( yes I sometimes used jars) and I am in england .

I think what people need to remember is only to offer advice or suggestions when asked for them.
Especially when it comes to peoples babies and kids etc as you have no idea why someone may be not feeding their baby a particular thing etc
My mum and mil would say we didn't used to have to do that etc or did this but in fairness only offered advice if I asked which was much more helpful as guidelines often change

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

I used to love Farley's rusks, haven't had one in years

I lived with a girl years ago that loved rusks with ice cold milk in a glass as a night time snack. Very nice it was too.

My mum is really similar, and has a hugely annoying habit of pre-empting everything to be done with the baby as if she’s the one in charge of her, and with my older children she speaks to them as if she’s the parent. She also really undermined my efforts at baby led weaning and kept going on about how it “isn’t a proper meal for a baby”. I also had the rusks and baby rice discussion with her. I find it really hard and my only advice is to see them less (if possible) and when you do see them, don’t be afraid to say “no, that’s not how we do it”. I’ve also said to my mum “that’s not what we do in this family” to make it clear that we are a different family unit where I am the mother and not the daughter. You also need your husband to back you up on this as it’s easier for him to be straighter / blunter with your own parents.

With my mum, I could let a lot of it slide happily IF she would ever, ever say that I’m doing a good job with parenting but she never has, not once. If it comes to it I’m prepared to say to her that she’s had her go at raising a family and that these are my children.