Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a baby at 42

108 replies

Flo0109 · 09/01/2021 20:35

Hi everyone,
My DH and I already have two DS’s 18 & 15 and I cannot stop thinking about having a third child. DH worries that he is too old at 47 and we really can see age as being the only thing that is making us hesitate. Is there anyone here who has a DH around this age and how did it work out and am I too old at 42?
TIA

OP posts:
willowtree81 · 09/01/2021 21:55

Personally I would go for it. I know people are saying the kid would be more likely to lose a parent at a young age. -and that's probably statistically true. But my friends mum died when we were 10, she was only 35. You never know what's round the corner. Plenty of older mums at our school. My mum had my sister at 43 no problems. Good luck if you decide to try.

1940s · 09/01/2021 21:57

@Terracottasaur

That’s a vast age gap - you would basically have two different families.
This
Redsquirrel5 · 09/01/2021 22:02

My mum had DS 3 at 42 and surprise “ I think it is the menopause” DS4 at 44. She had a burst vein otherwise no problems and was certainly not old when my sisters were teenagers. I am 63 and just finished working in a Primary school. Plenty of energy. Some people on here are making out 60 is old. It is not these days. My daughter’s partner’s mother did a 500 mile walk across Spain when she was 60. On her own!
It is up to you.

Seventytwo · 09/01/2021 22:08

Personally I wouldn’t dream of it (late 30s here with two under 10 and there’s no way I’d consider a third even now). Totally understand the urge though - I think a lot of women go through that towards the end of their fertile years. It’s not that you’re necessarily too old, more that you’ve moved on to another phase of life now your two kids are almost adults, and in your shoes I couldn’t imagine going all the way back to the baby stage at that point - I feel exhausted just thinking about it! Good luck whatever you decide.

Redsquirrel5 · 09/01/2021 22:09

I have fourteen years between my eldest and youngest ( 4 children) and they are the two that are the closest. When she went to Uni they contacted each other every day. More than I did. She is abroad now and he speaks to her regularly and she sent him a Christmas present.

My BFs son had a new partner and there was 17 years between his daughter and her sibling. They adore each other.

Buttercup54321 · 09/01/2021 22:09

My Mum was almost 42 when I was born and Dad was 44. They were wonderful parents and never seemed older than anyone elses.
My Dad passed away at 78 and Mum aged 87. My husbands parents had him much younger yet his Mum died from cancer ager 49 and his Dad dropped dead at 63. So you can never tell.
If it feels right for you then go for it .
Best of luck xx

popNlock · 09/01/2021 22:10

Men also tend to have a high mortality rateGrin

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 09/01/2021 22:13

I would get a puppy or kitten instead - not even joking

LegoAndLolDolls · 09/01/2021 22:18

No your not too old but I wouldnt hang about as by 45 in reality even if your still ovulating, it doesnt mean you can make it to live birth. I was 40 when I had my last child and 42 when I had my first MC.

Who cares what others think? It's not that unusual to have a baby in your 40s

helpmum2003 · 09/01/2021 22:34

If it was me I would rather move on to a part of my life with more independence from my kids.

KitchKlassic · 09/01/2021 23:21

I'd worry if something went wrong with you or the baby the impact on your existing children. If it was your first baby I'd say it's worth the risk but I think it's utterly daft in your position.

Do you REALLY want to go back to the babies days or are you having empty nest syndrome/mourning DC getting older? Hormones making you feel like it's last chance saloon?

I think it would be wiser to accept that period of your life is over and start planning exciting things for the next stage.

Your husband is too old too. Austin's risks yada yada. Just because you physically CAN do something doesn't mean you should.

KitchKlassic · 09/01/2021 23:22

*autism obviously

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/01/2021 23:28

I had my second at 42, my eldest was 13. In terms of pregnancy and birth, it was much much easier but then I was also much much fitter than the first time round.

I can't pretend it's been easy. It was more tiring and it was harder to recover from sleepless nights. DS was also eventually diagnosed with autism and I found myself a lone parent unexpectedly .

DS is now 9 and I am 51 and he is a joy and keeps me young! I'm forever running around, I still climb trees and I am great at football 😂. I wouldn't let age put you off but I can't say I don't think you're mad. I adore my son, he is the light of my life but it has been hard.

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/01/2021 23:31

I'll also add that my eldest is now 22 and she and her brother are very close and have a lovely relationship BUT as a young teen she couldn't bear it and was quite resentful. A big age gap can be a very difficult juggle.

Propsneeded · 10/01/2021 00:25

Some at 42 are fit and healthy others aren't.

Only you know your health, finances, patience levels etc....

Wannabegreenfingers · 10/01/2021 00:29

It's not now, but in 10, 15, 20 years. I wouldn't personally.

FlyingPandas · 10/01/2021 00:36

I had my third at nearly 41, it was hard work in some ways but lovely in others.

But my other two DC were 8 and 3 at the time. It was manageable, though I'd still say an 8 year gap is too big really.

It's not so much your age that would make me hesitate but the ages of your older DC. You having another baby now will have a major major fundamental impact on their lives, and not necessarily a positive one. I always feel so sorry for teens who have babies and toddlers thrust into their lives at a time when they want to have independence and fun and just that joyous freedom of being a teen, and developing a kind of adult friendship with their parents - never mind the fact that they need peace and quiet to revise for exams etc.

Babies, toddlers and teens do not mix! The problem is that the needs babies and toddlers tend to trump everyone else's for the simple reason that their needs are so all consuming. It's a horrible thing to do to a teenager. Other posters have commented how their teens have really struggled with and resented having to cope with babies and small children.

So I wouldn't, personally. No matter whether you and DH could cope/have the energy etc. In the longer term yes, your DC might have a lovely relationship with each other (once they're all adults) but in the short term you'll basically ruin your current DC's enjoyment of life if you have another baby and it will be hugely stressful. Why would you want to do that?

Maray1967 · 10/01/2021 00:48

Had DC2 at almost 41 but not as big an age gap as you have. DH similar age but for us it was about completing family, having a second. Good friend had DC1 at same age, DC 2 at 44. Both of us managed just fine, easy pregnancies. Most mums at school with DS 2 were almost as old unless theirs were DC1. But - would I have had a third then? No - but we were only ever hoping for 2 in any case.

TheNationsFavourite · 10/01/2021 00:58

Had my fourth at 42, DH was 45. Other DC's were 15, 12 and 7. It's been a joy!

Aquamarine1029 · 10/01/2021 01:03

Aren't you ready to start enjoying your hard-earned freedom? You really want to go back to baby land? I'm 47, my children are 23 and 21, and it's amazing. I absolutely adored it when they were little, but now it's my time again. I would have sooner jumped off a bridge than had another at 42, and yes, I think it is definitely peri talking. What if this baby had severe disbalities? Imagine the impact that would have on the rest of your life. This is just me, but I would not be rolling the dice at 42 when I already had children.

Taikoo · 10/01/2021 02:36

What do your kids think of it?

I wouldn't if were you.
The default answer on here though is to have the kid, no matter what, flood, feast or famine.

Noti23 · 10/01/2021 02:40

I wouldn’t normally say this but you’ve already raided two children and this is your last chance- do it!!

user2021 · 10/01/2021 08:01

Not too old!! I know many many women having babies in their 40s! I know 3 women currently who are pregnant, 41, 42, and 44!

My DH is 48 and we still haven't finished having babies yet - might have another in the next year or two!

user2021 · 10/01/2021 08:03

@Aquamarine1029

Aren't you ready to start enjoying your hard-earned freedom? You really want to go back to baby land? I'm 47, my children are 23 and 21, and it's amazing. I absolutely adored it when they were little, but now it's my time again. I would have sooner jumped off a bridge than had another at 42, and yes, I think it is definitely peri talking. What if this baby had severe disbalities? Imagine the impact that would have on the rest of your life. This is just me, but I would not be rolling the dice at 42 when I already had children.

hard earned freedom Hmm You know, some of us love being around our children.

TT23 · 10/01/2021 08:06

You aren't too old but not sure why you would want to go through it all over again! You are past all that and can enjoy your lives now without being tied down by young kids!