To want a baby at 42

[Flo0109]

Hi everyone,
My DH and I already have two DS’s 18 & 15 and I cannot stop thinking about having a third child. DH worries that he is too old at 47 and we really can see age as being the only thing that is making us hesitate. Is there anyone here who has a DH around this age and how did it work out and am I too old at 42?
TIA

Much the same situation although slightly different due to having a partner change aswell. I’ve got two boys with my ex husband, they are 18 and 11 years old. I’ve also got a nearly 3 year old and a 4 month old with my husband. I’m 44 this year and haven’t had any regrets at all. The younger ones get on fine with my older ones and will have the older boys as family when husband and I are no longer here. I’m not any more tired or lacking in energy or suffering more with the sleepless nights or anything like that. If anything I’m finding it easier with my increased experience and confidence. Just wanted to say that it’s not something automatically to be dismissed as Pre-menopause hormones and can work successfully x

I can only give my very personal perspective on this - my mum was your age and my siblings almost exactly the same age as your dcs when I was born.

It was much more unusual to have children older in the 70s/80s but I always felt a bit awkward that my parents were older, and I didn't have the same relationship with my siblings as my peers. My mum was often mistaken for my gran and my sister my mum.

Likewise, my dcs have a different relationship with their grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, who were all in their teens when my dcs were born. Everything is just a bit out of kilter in my family. It's not necessarily a bad thing - I'm close to my siblings but in a different way.

Also, my parents were too old to really help with childcare and my dcs see their grandma as a very old lady. My dad died before ds2 was born - which could happen at any age but is more likely the older you are.

My parents said that having me later kept them young, but it also meant they couldn't do the things they wanted to without children until much later.

I wouldn't necessarily say don't do it, but you really do need to think it through as the impact on your family, and especially your youngest, will be massive.

At 47 he would be 70 before they left uni

It is a biological response- your body is doing what it is meant to do. That doesn't mean it is the right thing.

Think of the child, it's life and your ages.

There are 16 years between my DP and his sister. He is really close with her and they get on like a house on fire. I guess they were too old for sibling rivalry to play a part.

I had my 2 DC’s at 40 and 42 so I don’t think you are too old. I have more energy than a lot of my younger friends. However, I’m not sure how I would have felt if I’d already had 2 older children by that age.

No but you'll do it anyway so good luck!

I don't really understand why people say 'think of the child' on these threads.

It's not like it's a choice between having a chilies early and having one late. It's between having it late or not at all. So the disadvantage to the child needs to outweigh the disadvantage to them of not existing.

That said I think you're crazy 😝

*child, not chillies 🤦‍♀️

We had our only child at 41 (me) and 46 (DH)(almost 42 and 47). All good! No regrets.

I was 44, nearly 45 when I had DS who is now 9. He is a delight. His sisters were 10 and 7 when he was born. I had always wanted a third child (not a boy particularly, just a third child). I had 6 miscarriages then gave up hoping. Though I did nothing to prevent him turning up either!

The pregnancy was entirely straightforward. I did feel more tired in the last trimester than I had with my daughters. But carried on working a demanding job till 8 months. The delivery was the easiest of the 3 by far. I was not especially tired during the baby or toddler stage. In fact I think less so than when I had a new born and a 3 year old. His sisters adored him from the start and now they are 19 and 16 they are still keen to join in family things with him.

Having DS later in life has been entirely positive for me. I acknowledge of course that this will not be the story for everyone. I am not oblivious to the risks. But I wanted to post this to counter the negativity.

That said - I’d say don’t have a child to “fix” something in your life, or because you are bored, and definitely only do it if you are well and fairly fit. I do think any underlying health conditions would be very hard to deal with at 42 along with a pregnancy. Oh and do consider your resources (car, house, income). Your older children might resent a sibling if their lifestyle is compromised upon their arrival.

Good luck.

@Megan2018

We had our only child at 41 (me) and 46 (DH)(almost 42 and 47). All good! No regrets.

Is that child now an adult?

Have you thought how/ whether you'd cope if you had a child with disabilities? Whilst it's a remote possibility, it's greater with older parents.
Having said that, I had my youngest at 42 (DH was 46) - I always said I wouldn't have children late, as I'd hated being the child of older parents (40 & 54 when they had me), but life doesn't always go to plan. We've coped well so far, but our kids are close in age so no time to stop & think about it!

@Flo0109 had DD 8 months ago. I’m 31 DP is 46. His two DS from previous are 15 and 20.
I myself am the youngest of six so between me and my eldest sibling there’s 12 years. And we are very close so don’t let the age between siblings put you off.
If you feel you can and want to go for it. All the best

I personally think it's a bit old. Definitely for your husband.
Do you think he could see himself in his 60s with a young teenager?

I should have days my DH is 18 months younger than I. So he was 43 when DS was born.

I'd love a baby to snuggle

[quote Catty1720]@Flo0109 had DD 8 months ago. I’m 31 DP is 46. His two DS from previous are 15 and 20.
I myself am the youngest of six so between me and my eldest sibling there’s 12 years. And we are very close so don’t let the age between siblings put you off.
If you feel you can and want to go for it. All the best[/quote]
I think though that until the child is an adult you can't know if it has been successful. It is their view of it that matters.

In addition, so many of our friends have had cancer and 2 have died in their 50s (1 with young children). I don't know how that will impact on the children longer term.

@Beldon

My DH was couple of years older than yours and we are managing fine . Get tired quicker and crawling about the floor playing is more difficult. The things I do worry about is that my dd is more likely to lose a parent when young and I worry about her being embarrassed when she gets to teenage years. At moment though we are just going with the flow and loving it

She will be as embarrassed as everyone else is about their parents.

The main thing that the OP older children will have is that they will be asked continually if they are their sibling's parent. It will randomly stop at some point when their sibling is an adult. (Probably thier 30s/40s) On the other hand if they wait until their younger sibling is in their teens to have their own children, that sibling will be asked if their nephew/niece is their child for the rest of their life.

My DH was 46 when we had our last. He has since been called, on two occasions, our DC’s grandad 🤣🤣🤣

@MutantNinjaCovid I understand that but I had skin and bowel cancer at 30 so you can’t really say that. Age doesn’t mean a thing when it comes to illness.

I have always wanted a 3rd but we moved countries and a few years later started our own business, so there was always too much going on to think about another. We are settled now and I feel like it is now or never. That being said, we are in a place where we can finally start to travel (when COVID is done) and it will be lovely for us to do that as a couple, and do stuff just the two of us, but can’t shake the wanting a third and all it entails.
Thanks for your responses. It’s really nice to get different points of view .

Catty1720
I think she just meant it's more likely...at an older age.

@popNlock

Catty1720 I think she just meant it's more likely...at an older age.

Oh No I get that sorry my response probably read fierce I’m sure it’s more a risk my skin cancer was removed as were bowels I’m sure had I been older it would have been worse but I just think illness shouldn’t be a main reason as it can happen at any time. @Flo0109 ultimately this will divide opinions only you and your DH can know if you’ll be able to manage my DP is a ‘young’ 46 and his boys don’t live with us so it may be different for your kids. Have you considered how they’d feel?? I say go for it but as I said it’s only you that can decide.

[quote Catty1720]@MutantNinjaCovid I understand that but I had skin and bowel cancer at 30 so you can’t really say that. Age doesn’t mean a thing when it comes to illness.[/quote]
But statistically more people die in their 50s and 60s than in their 30s and 40s. Men also tend to have a high mortality rate.

331 people age 29 but 5992 age 69 for men