Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Dh doesn't respect me

84 replies

Defeated88 · 09/01/2021 16:42

Dh confirmed what I have suspected for a while. That he doesn't respect me. And he thinks that no else does either, including our dd.

This came about after an argument where he shouted in DD's face as she listening. When I say in her face he was probably 1cm and bellowing at her, reducing her to tears (she's 6)

I told him never to do that again as I don't think it's right, which is when he turned round and said that because I don't discipline her properly that's why he and no one else will ever respect me and will walk all over me.

Have left him watching the tv while dd and I have done some jobs round the house. But feeling very upset at the moment.

OP posts:

SharedLife · 09/01/2021 16:45

What twisted mind thinks shouting in a little girls face is worthy of respect?
Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking thats normal?

Cantdoitallperfectly · 09/01/2021 16:46

How awful. Has he done this before?

TurquoiseDragon · 09/01/2021 16:48

This is not a bloke worth staying with, and reducing DD to tears is abusive.

GarlicMonkey · 09/01/2021 16:50

I think your DH needs to look up the definitions of 'respect' & 'fear'. Both will produce compliant children but only one will produce an undamaged adult.

dramaticpenguin · 09/01/2021 16:53

Tell him that you have just lost respect for him, as has your daughter!

Lemonpiano · 09/01/2021 16:55

How long has this abuse been going on?

Original poster

Defeated88 · 09/01/2021 17:00

I told him that I couldn't respect someone who speak to his child like that, which is when he came out with the statement about me.

I know I am highly regarded/respected at work. Which is another area of contention as he is often trying to hinder my job. I've just never actually heard him say the words before.

Yes he has shouted at DD like that before but I've never actually witnessed it (have usually been in another room) but have had my suspicions.

OP posts:

zolazarola · 09/01/2021 17:02

You need to protect your little girl (and yourself) and leave him.

1FootInTheRave · 09/01/2021 17:03

I hope you are actually going to protect your daughter against this bully?

AndcalloffChristmas · 09/01/2021 17:04

He sounds appalling, and a bully.

Although I feel bad now as I did shout at Ds earlier. Not in his face though. I’ll try harder tomorrow!

Sceptre86 · 09/01/2021 17:06

I found this post so upsetting to read. I have a 4 year old dd and dh would never shout at her like that, if either he or I did the other would go apeshit and rightly so. There is no excuse for that type of behaviour, get your ducks in a row and protect your dd. Why is he getting so angry towards your dd? Genuinely what do you get out of this relationship? Ltb.

BiscuitTea · 09/01/2021 17:07

Fuck him! I'm sat next to my 6 year old now and if anyone did that to her I would knock them the fuck out!!

B33Fr33 · 09/01/2021 17:07

Leave. What good would come from staying with him? No one should put up with that.

Peace43 · 09/01/2021 17:08

What a bully, me needs to get help or get out!

imalmosthere · 09/01/2021 17:10

If he did that to my 6yo I'd be in jail for murder. Please don't let him get away with that!!!

BlueSuffragette · 09/01/2021 17:10

He sounds awful OP. No respect for you and shouting in your young daughters face is just abusive. Time for a real review of your relationship as it sounds really crap. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with him? Do you want your young DD to grow up thinking this is a normal relationship.

bearlyactive · 09/01/2021 17:10

This will only get worse OP. Would he be receptive to an anger management course?

thepeopleversuswork · 09/01/2021 17:10

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

His behaviour: both towards you and your DD, is unacceptable. You can’t stay with a man who thinks threatening a child like that is acceptable.

What are you doing to get away from him? Because you know you have to. It’s your responsibility not to allow your child to grow up around that.

Original poster

Defeated88 · 09/01/2021 17:12

Unfortunately just leaving him isn't that simple as I am currently 25 weeks pregnant. Although I have a good and would be able to buy him out of the house if it did come to it.

He gets angry as he doesn't like people not listening to him. If he says something once and you don't hear (even if you are doing something and genuinely didn't hear) he takes it personally. Not making excuses it is just the way he is. I often feel I am treading on eggshells around him and have to be 'ready to hear anything he says at all times.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 09/01/2021 17:12

Why are you with this awful man? Your poor daughter. No one is protecting her.

Windinmyhair · 09/01/2021 17:13

This is worth leaving him over.

Why?
Because otherwise your child will grow up to think this level of abuse is normal and gravitate to it.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 09/01/2021 17:13

Oh god, he sounds like a vile bully.

Get rid.

Nobody has the right to treat someone they are supposed to love and care for, in such a disgusting manner.

Chel098 · 09/01/2021 17:13

Most of us would burst into tears if someone gets up close and personal and starts to shout.

Stand up for your DD FGS OP.

Set some boundaries or walk!!

thepeopleversuswork · 09/01/2021 17:15

OP do what you can to make the pregnancy as smooth and stress free as possible. I understand this isn’t your immediate priority.

But please medium term start getting your affairs in order to leave. You know you can’t bring children up in this environment.

Have you got any family nearby? Have you confided in anyone IRL?

Amarilike · 09/01/2021 17:17

Your DD will grow to think she’s not worthy of any better treatment. She’s at risk from his temper. She’s being abused. So are you but you need to protect her.

I don’t care how pregnant I was, if my DH did that to our DD he’d be lucky if he still had all his limbs afterwards and he’d be out.

Protect your DD from this Treatment and the baby too. It’s not about respect. It’s about abuse.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread