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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lottery Win. AIBU.

104 replies

NotMyCircusNotMyProblem · 09/01/2021 12:18

*Lighthearted... kinda...
OH has just purchased a new TV. He didn't tell me and we didn't need a new TV. I don't really watch much tv though so obviously, it wouldn't be a priority buy for me but, thinking back, he had been hinting at this purchase for a while.

Anyway, I decided to (in a lighthearted way) question him on why he made this purchase 'behind my back' and where exactly did he get the money from. He was playing along and said he was using his birthday and Christmas money but, then it transpired that he'd had not one but TWO lottery wins (not huge wins - £110 and £140) and he was also using that.

This irritated me, we do the lottery together so the winnings belong to both of us. I pointed this out to him but what annoyed me most was that he didn't tell me. I would have told him, I wouldn't have kept it secret.

He did eventually apologise but... the damage is done. Can I ever trust him again??

So, what to do. Do I graciously accept the apology and get on with life. The tv has a cracking picture quality btw Wink
OR, do I cut my losses now and ltb?

OP posts:
Opinionator · 09/01/2021 14:27

@BargainCunt

Seriously? Someone wins a couple of hundred pounds on the lottery and HAS to tell the partner and HAS to refrain from spending it. Sounds like financial abuse to me.....

Fucking controlling or what.

Lol, did you actually read the OP? You sound like you're trolling tbh, if not then the second half of your username is very apt.
Thatwentbadly · 09/01/2021 14:35

Whatever you do, not leave him until he wins the jackpot so he has to share it with you.

SixesAndEights · 09/01/2021 14:39

I know you say lighthearted OP but if my partner/husband did this then I'd be wondering what kind of person he really was, and the conclusion wouldn't be a good one. Not only would he not be the person I thought he was, he'd be the kind of person I actively dislike.

In my world there'd be sharing and a bit of silly excitement about what WE could do with it.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 09/01/2021 14:41

In my world there'd be sharing and a bit of silly excitement about what WE could do with it

Same here. I would have thought this was normal amongst people who care about each other.

Chel098 · 09/01/2021 14:41

@saraclara

I find his behaviour really weird. If you hadn't pushed him he'd never have told you, presumably. I absolutely don't understand anyone who wouldn't instantly go "Yay - we won this week!". To actively hide not just one but two wins takes effort surely. Nothing accidental or uneventful about not sharing that.

Have you asked him if he would ever have told you if you hadn't asked?
And yes, I would say that you want your contact details on the lottery account and not his, because you've lost trust in him.

Exactly he wouldn’t of said anything he even went on to lie further with saying he saved birthday and Xmas money. I wonder what made OP not take that reason and continued to push??
greeneyedlulu · 09/01/2021 14:48

He used his birthday and xmas money? How old is he? But yes, I'd be annoyed, its joint winnings!

mrshonda · 09/01/2021 14:49

Sell the old telly and keep the money

katy1213 · 09/01/2021 14:53

Who paid for the ticket? You're not doing the lottery together if you just say, 'Let's have no 28.'
I can't imagine having to ask permission to spend a couple of hundred pounds!

Viviennemary · 09/01/2021 14:59

I think that's extremely cheeky. I'd be mad too. You should make him give you the cash for half the winnings.

Oreservoir · 09/01/2021 15:08

I think as some normally trustworthy men get older they do this.
They just get generally tight too.
My dh and I have been married over 40 years and usually he’s open and very generous but occasionally now he’ll baulk at buying stupid little things which frankly makes him look ridiculous. Or he’ll buy something behind my back, eg a very expensive family tent for 2 people and a dog.

Two years ago I was buying Xmas gifts for my siblings dgc and he queried the need. I suggested that he returned the gifts for his db’s dgc too. I was shocked that he didn’t see them as equal. I can’t say he would hide a lottery win because he’s never done it.

You just have to pull him up on being sly everytime because he’ll probably get worse.

WeAreShiningStars · 09/01/2021 15:08

He's lied to you by omission, and only came clean when pressed by you.

I would be angry and sad about his deception and selfishness.

LizDiz · 09/01/2021 15:08

The critical workers list is too extensive to be used when we are meant to be in a lockdown. The use of a school place relies on parents only doing so if they really need to, not just because they can. Some schools are 50% full already. I should think most will be very similar by half term if this continues and people who can have a place now but aren't, decide to take it up. That will lead to everyone else saying what's the point and just open the schools. Quite clever of the government really seeing as they didnt want the schools closed in the first place.

LizDiz · 09/01/2021 15:10

Oops wrong thread

BasiliskStare · 09/01/2021 15:12

I clearly am not of the same opinion as some Blush

I once found out what Dh's gym membership costs - he did not ask me but it is a joint account. & affordable ( importantly) He would not spend an amount which compromised our family in any big way. It has never occurred to me that I should have half that amount to spend on myself.

I get the point about not saying it was winnings - but honestly I think after 20 or 30 years if you cannot discuss this kind of thing - well , not me. It is 240 quid into the account - if you can afford it then use other money from the account to buy something else or just say - Next time DH could you tell me if you have done this. Not that hard in my opinion.

Ah well - each to their own

Summerdayshaze · 09/01/2021 15:22

I’d be genuinely fucking livid.

lookingformyleopard · 09/01/2021 15:27

I know this is not remotely the point, but... who is he getting birthday and Christmas money from? Sorry, I just haven't had that since I was about 18!

lyralalala · 09/01/2021 15:32

I'd feel the need to check the amount won after that.

And that need would make me wonder if the trust was gone completely.

I don't think this is remotely lighthearted. How many wins, and to what value, would he find it acceptable to hide from you and spend for himself?

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 09/01/2021 15:39

I once found out what Dh's gym membership costs - he did not ask me but it is a joint account. & affordable ( importantly) He would not spend an amount which compromised our family in any big way. It has never occurred to me that I should have half that amount to spend on myself

But this isnt comparable at all. Firstly, you didnt give him half of the membership and secondly, he didn't lie to you about it!

It was a jointly paid lottery ticket and he lied, twice. Thats not at all comparable to your example.

Biker47 · 09/01/2021 15:41

@lookingformyleopard

I know this is not remotely the point, but... who is he getting birthday and Christmas money from? Sorry, I just haven't had that since I was about 18!
I'm 33, and still get money as gifts for my birthday and Christmas from some people.
Heartlantern2 · 09/01/2021 15:44

If he can lie about a couple of hundred he will be gone with quite a few thousands!

Have future notifications and tickets in your possession as you are obviously more trustworthy.....at the moment Wink

BasiliskStare · 09/01/2021 16:01

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter - fair point Blush

Original poster
NotMyCircusNotMyProblem · 09/01/2021 16:10

@BargainCunt

Seriously? Someone wins a couple of hundred pounds on the lottery and HAS to tell the partner and HAS to refrain from spending it. Sounds like financial abuse to me.....

Fucking controlling or what.

Errrr... you're not my OH are you? OH do you have a MN account? Is this something else you've not told me??? Wink
OP posts:
Original poster
NotMyCircusNotMyProblem · 09/01/2021 16:13

@Tlollj

Hide the remote
I like your style Grin
OP posts:
lookingformyleopard · 09/01/2021 16:17

@Biker47
I'm feeling hard done by now!

LowlandLucky · 09/01/2021 16:29

I wouldn't trust him as far as i could throw him.

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