to be this pissed off about DH wiping my hands on my pyjamas

[disneybee]

DH put a bit of sudocrem on his lip, as it was a bit cracked - possible cold sore starting? I asked him if we should think about getting him a covid test as he's been quite run down recently (and I am cautious because we are in minimal contact with my elderly mother) and he complained about my insinuation about him being run-down. I pointed out he has been complaining about how tired he is, his usually poor sense of smell seems worse than usual, he had a random nap this afternoon and it looks like he's getting a cold sore.

While we have a conversation about whether he is run-down or I am being overly anxious, HE PICKS UP MY PYJAMAS OFF OUR BED AND WIPES THE EXCESS SUDOCREM OFF HIS HANDS ONTO THEM.

AIBU for finding that completely disgusting? Unhygeinic and unsafe? Lockdown with young children for nearly a year has our marriage on the rocks enough, I keep trying to tell myself to be less critical and less arsey, then he does something like this and all I want to do is take my stuff, my bed, my body and my pyjamas and have them in a separate room away from him!

He has since apologised for wiping his hands on my pyjamas as he could tell he really pissed me off, but it's just the kind of thing he is CONSTANTLY DOING!!!!!!!

Is this just lockdown fever or is this really disgusting??? LTB or AIBU??!

YANBU, I would hate that, I wear my pyjamas for a few days and what he did was disrespectful. Is he like this all the time? If you do his washing, stop.

YANBU. Why would he do that? What a twat.

Grim.

Is this maybe the straw that broke the camels back?because it sounds like a pretty minor 'misdemeanor'.

Where he wiped his hands is clearly not the issue here. I mean it’s a bit grim but it’s hardly LTB territory. You sound like you can’t stand him.

When you say this is the sort of thing he's constantly doing, what other examples are there? More of him using your stuff in a gross way?

Well I don't see how it's unsafe any more than sharing a bed with him is.

But it's disrespectful and thoughtless and disgusting.

This would only be ok if the PJs were about to go in the wash anyway and he knew that.

Otherwise - wtf?

Your response sounds really dramatic. Although, I wouldn’t have liked it, I don’t think I would have been so wound up to write a post about it and ask whether your should LTB. It appears that you are not happy in your relationship, your statement ‘ all I want to do is take my stuff, my bed, my body and my pyjamas and have them in a separate room away from him!’ is a very strong one. Do you think your marriage is over?

You may be getting things slightly out of proportion. Not by much, though! It's the sort of thing that would appal me if dh did it, and he has been known to do some really horrid things. I see your sudicremed pyjamas and raise you dh licking all his fingers after eating a slice of gooey cake, and leaving toenail clippings on the bedroom floor!

Definitely disrespectful!! It would only be ok if you were going to put them in the wash

Bit odd, yes

I see your sudicremed pyjamas and raise you dh licking all his fingers after eating a slice of gooey cake, and leaving toenail clippings on the bedroom floor!

See the second two are a bit grim but wouldn’t bother me nearly as much as the OP’s pyjamas. It’s the fact he chose to wipe his hands on something of hers, something she was about to wear (I presume) rather than washing his hands or even wiping on something of his own instead.

Who does that?

Oh, so very grim. Do you also get cold sores? If not, he's also risking you contracting his oral herpes. I'd have read him the riot act.

That's just so disrespectful it would really piss me off

@minipie

This would only be ok if the PJs were about to go in the wash anyway and he knew that.

Otherwise - wtf?

He would not have even thought about whether the pyjamas were for the wash or not!!! He was not even thinking about what they were - he was just absent mindedly picking up whatever came to hand, to wipe his hands on!! This is what he is like!

I have spent YEARS asking / nagging him not to wipe his greasy mouth on the kitchen dishcloth after eating. This is a TINY EXAMPLE of lots of excrutiatingly niggling little irritations.

The pandemic has been a mixed blessing, because FINALLY he understands the importance of washing his hands hygienically...like it's not just his wife who thinks it's a good idea, it's now actually the whole country....

He's just a total man-child, I have complained about him on Mumsnet before, I think I do love him but nearly a year of having to share a house 24/7 with someone who used to make me laugh with his funny incompetence but now makes me want to smash my head against a wall is making me question what I feel

I have become a raging, menopausal nagging shell of a woman!!! Trying to work out whether I need to calm down or stick things out!

My poor children.... do I want to teach them resiliance and kindness to family members? Or do I want to teach them to be brave in the face of difficulty when it comes to putting yourself first and allowing yourself peace and happiness?

Manchild sounds about right. It’s the kind of thing my 5 and 8 year old would do - and I’d be cross with them for doing it.

I am relieved to hear it was absent minded rather than deliberate - but still a bit shit that he hasn’t learned by now not to wipe his grubby mitts on whatever is closest!

Yeah, a man who hilariously cant put the washing machine on despite being able to hold down a very capable and important job is less funny after the kids come along.

LTB.

@PyongyangKipperbang

Yeah, a man who hilariously cant put the washing machine on despite being able to hold down a very capable and important job is less funny after the kids come along.

LTB.

Yes I agree. I think "Marry a man who makes you laugh" is great advice if you are not planning on having kids. Otherwise "Definitely do not marry a man whose greatest quality is being funny because this funniness will most likely wear painfully thin after having kids" will be the advice I will be giving my DD. Instead: "Marry a man who has at least an ounce of common sense even if he is boring because when you have lost your sense of humour you won't care if DH is boring or not, you will only care if he is stupid or not"

I miss the old days with him when we used to hang out once a week in a pub

Jesus. Get a grip.

As a one off I wouldn’t be bothered. If he was doing things like this regularly, yes I’d be really bothered. It’s sounds like some kind of absent minded personality trait though, not something done intentionally. Not sure what you can do really.

Good grief! Don't marry a man who is boring!
Ex's hobby is making Airfix sets.

@disneybee

Oh sweetie, I can sing that song. Married one who, despite being a hardware engineer who then retrained into software design and earned enough to buy the fucking Phillipines, couldnt "work" the dishwasher.

I met him in the pub, and he was so much funnier then than after I had to live with the prick.

@TheSilveryPussycat

Good grief! Don't marry a man who is boring! Ex's hobby is making Airfix sets.

I would agree but my sisters husband does Airfix and it works for them, she said she would have divorced him years ago but for it. He squirrels away with his models and she gets a few hours peace.

Each to their own!

Funny/Charming/Interesting men are usually more hard work imo....

It isn't 'no big deal'. It's disrespectful. And that lack of respect sounds like it is replicated throughout your life. I mean if he's gross, why not wipe his hands on his own clothes, or wipe his mouth on his sleeve? Because he knows the substance isn't nice and he doesn't want it on him.