to be this pissed off about DH wiping my hands on my pyjamas

[disneybee]

DH put a bit of sudocrem on his lip, as it was a bit cracked - possible cold sore starting? I asked him if we should think about getting him a covid test as he's been quite run down recently (and I am cautious because we are in minimal contact with my elderly mother) and he complained about my insinuation about him being run-down. I pointed out he has been complaining about how tired he is, his usually poor sense of smell seems worse than usual, he had a random nap this afternoon and it looks like he's getting a cold sore.

While we have a conversation about whether he is run-down or I am being overly anxious, HE PICKS UP MY PYJAMAS OFF OUR BED AND WIPES THE EXCESS SUDOCREM OFF HIS HANDS ONTO THEM.

AIBU for finding that completely disgusting? Unhygeinic and unsafe? Lockdown with young children for nearly a year has our marriage on the rocks enough, I keep trying to tell myself to be less critical and less arsey, then he does something like this and all I want to do is take my stuff, my bed, my body and my pyjamas and have them in a separate room away from him!

He has since apologised for wiping his hands on my pyjamas as he could tell he really pissed me off, but it's just the kind of thing he is CONSTANTLY DOING!!!!!!!

Is this just lockdown fever or is this really disgusting??? LTB or AIBU??!

May I suggest watching the'neverending story'; great movie, great creaturess

May I suggest putting down the crack you're clearly smoking?

Yes, this would bother me. It doesn't sound like a big deal in isolation, but even without your updates I would think it's not the action of a considerate person. Who wipes their hands on someone else's clean clothes?

Ffs don’t you own a washing machine?

@MustardMitt

Personally, I would have laughingly told him he was a minger and to put my pyjamas in the wash. Obviously for you this is the straw that broke the camels back.

I don’t think this is a hygiene problem unless you were also planning on wiping your face off on your pjs.

This

@Annoy

Ffs don’t you own a washing machine?

I've just been doing fingerpainting with my daughter. Pass me your jeans.

It sounds like just another example of his incompetence. I couldn’t stay married to a man child op, nothing attractive about it

[quote PyongyangKipperbang]@disneybee

Oh sweetie, I can sing that song. Married one who, despite being a hardware engineer who then retrained into software design and earned enough to buy the fucking Phillipines, couldnt "work" the dishwasher.

I met him in the pub, and he was so much funnier then than after I had to live with the prick.[/quote]
I used to work with engineers who claimed not to be able to use the dishwasher. They soon stopped feigning ignorance after I said something along the lines of "surely you couldn't be so stupid as to not be able to work it out".

It would piss me off as greasy cream stains but not because it was unhygienic.

@CeeceeBloomingdale

It would piss me off as greasy cream stains but not because it was unhygienic.

That’s good to know.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Annoy
Ffs don’t you own a washing machine?
I've just been doing fingerpainting with my daughter. Pass me your jeans.

I teach bike mechanics to teenagers... this really wouldn’t both me

You lost me when you told your son not to be a wee chav.

If that’s the sort of attitude you model, you deserve your DH.

At least it wasn't the curtains.

Disgusting and shows a complete lack of respect for you (and your belongings).

It is really not a big deal. Do you like having a moan about your husband to get the backing and attacking by random people online? Do you think he went online and slagged you off the same way you have (for your complete overreaction)?

You could have just said you didn't appreciate it, he would have apologised and got on with life. Life is stressful enough without sweating the small things.

As for unhygienic - you sleep next to him, live with him and I am guessing have sex with him. A bit of sudocream on your PJs is not going to infect you with anything you've not already been exposed to really. You do see that right?

I never heard of anyone putting Sudocrem on cold sores before. If he has a cold sore, buy some Zovirax.

It is not the sudocrem. That would piss me off, but not send me incandescent and questioning my marriage. Plainly that is just the example of a far bigger issue. Your DH's personality that you used to find endearing now enrages you. He is not going to change, so you need to decide whether you can go the long haul with him or not. Only you can answer that.

You are in the toughest stage of a marriage, with lockdown and young children, so should take that into account. But at the same time - marriage is supposed to be forever and if he is pissing you off every single day that is going to feel like a very long time.

@Annoy

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Annoy
Ffs don’t you own a washing machine?
I've just been doing fingerpainting with my daughter. Pass me your jeans.

I teach bike mechanics to teenagers... this really wouldn’t both me

I once worked on a farm and remained capable of understanding the difference between getting dirty as part of the work, and your partner deliberately wiping their dirty hands on the presumably clean clothes you plan to sleep in.

As, I am sure, do you.

It's disrespectful and ignorant.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Annoy
GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Annoy
Ffs don’t you own a washing machine?
I've just been doing fingerpainting with my daughter. Pass me your jeans.

I teach bike mechanics to teenagers... this really wouldn’t both me
I once worked on a farm and remained capable of understanding the difference between getting dirty as part of the work, and your partner deliberately wiping their dirty hands on the presumably clean clothes you plan to sleep in.

As, I am sure, do you.

It would still genuinely not bother me as I own a washing machine and within a couple of hours the pjs will be fine again. Just like the jeans with finger paint on.... they’re washable paints for a reason

*Yep

We start out as incompetent as them. No one is born knowing how to be a human.

But somehow most of us grow up and the "funny" incompetent ones dont bother because they are cleverer. They work out early on that someone else will do the spade work for them if they are endearing enough. We marry them because we expect them to grow and mature as we do, and they dont. This is why you get so many disappointed women who cant understand how they married a man at the same stage in life as them who seemed to simply stagnate and not grow up as they did.

The MN standard of "Why did you have kids with him then?" is always answered with "because he wasnt like that then!" except he was, and so were we, but he stayed as the inept 21 year old while we accepted adulting.*

This is so true and if we had known this when we were starting out would have prevented a lot of heartache.

@Annoy

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Annoy
GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Annoy
Ffs don’t you own a washing machine?
I've just been doing fingerpainting with my daughter. Pass me your jeans.

I teach bike mechanics to teenagers... this really wouldn’t both me
I once worked on a farm and remained capable of understanding the difference between getting dirty as part of the work, and your partner deliberately wiping their dirty hands on the presumably clean clothes you plan to sleep in.

As, I am sure, do you.

It would still genuinely not bother me as I own a washing machine and within a couple of hours the pjs will be fine again. Just like the jeans with finger paint on.... they’re washable paints for a reason

I'm quite sure you are still capable of understanding that it is not about how hard the pyjamas are to wash but about the disrespect.

You insist it wouldn't bother you, but it bothers OP and I am sure you are smart enough to understand why.

I agree that it's horrible.

Nothing of his nearby to wipe his mucky hands on?

To far to go to the bathroom to wash them?

Lazy arse.

@disneybee

Unsafe 😂😂😂😂 calm down drama lama

I have spent YEARS asking / nagging him not to wipe his greasy mouth on the kitchen dishcloth after eating. This is a TINY EXAMPLE of lots of excrutiatingly niggling little irritations

JFC. The sudocrem on pyjamas is bad enough but this ☝️
Nope.

Lockdown has definitely turned me into a perpetual nag and I hate the role, but this? This is something else. I honestly can’t think of any constructive advice other than ignore the people who say you are being precious. This isn’t normal behaviour by any stretch.