To think its male entitlement to use your smartphone on the bog

[CrotchBurn]

DP takes phone into the bathroom for his morning dump which usually lasts about 20 min.

Because it's the morning, I've had coffee and water obviously, maybe once every three mornings I REALLY need to go for a wee but cant because hes pissing around having a slow motion shit while watching YouTube videos or whatever he does on there.

I'm not asking for solutions because I know what those are. I just think it would never occur to me to have a 20 minute dump in the morning when theres only one toilet. As in it would just always be at the back of my mind that theres another person here who might also need to use the toilet.

I'm sure I'll have loads of cool girl posters waxing lyrical about their morning rituals but honestly back on planet reality I've only seen men do this

As an aside I dont understand why you would want to sit in your own fumes for 20 min, unless it's a 20 min build up to the "big event"

There have been about a million of these threads! It's a fairly common gripe amongst women it seems.

Especially the ones who scamper off to the bog when something needs doing, kids are playing up etc etc

It's one thing being routine and another being constipated.

Dh and I go roughly same time of a morning. Separate toilets. I know I need to go and I'm in and out in 3 mins, he takes 20. I'm 99% certain he suffers mild chronic constipation, he eats almost no fruit, far less veg and salad than me, less fibre generally.

Ok I promise I'm not a troll but people who spend ages:
Do you feel you need to go then nothing comes out?
Is it that you have to "push" for ages to go?
Is it that you can't go until you've sat and relaxed a while?

It's hard to understand when (like me), you need to go, and whatever's coming out does so quickly, comfortably etc.

I often spend a while in the loo - IBS.
I wouldn’t give a second thought about someone else wanting to go - they’ve go tongues in their heads!
We have two loos at home, but always the case on holiday.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland sometimes I need to go multiple times. Say I need to go 3 times in 10 minutes, I’d rather hole up in there than yo-yo, worrying if I’ll make it back. If we’re staying with one loo, my family just knock and say if they need to go, and I come out in between 🤣 it’s just far more comfortable for me to stay put and relax.

My husband sits on the loo for so long that he gets pins and needles/dead leg and struggles to walk afterwards, it drives me nuts because I simply don't understand siting there for so long. We've a deal done though, I don't use the ensuite and he doesn't use the bathroom, that came about from him not properly cleaning the loo after pebble dashing it. I've not been home since November (caring for my father 120 miles away) and he won't have even used the bathroom while I'm away!! He knows how to stay alive.

I don’t know a single female who wants to spend more time than necessary sitting on the toilet. My dad used to have a stack of national geographic magazines there, and he lived in his own so it wasn’t like he spent as long as he could in the toilet to get out of kids/house chores. It’s really weird.

Serious question - do all your OH's take an hour to poo at work? I bet they don't.

I totally agree they seem to do it when the kids start to kick off or tidying needs to be done. There's nothing biologically different to men that means poo falls out their bum more slowly. They're doing it to take the piss.

@EdithWeston

I have never understood why men seem to take so much longer to poo.

My theory is that because they usually stand, a sit down trip is An Event and they somehow feel they must make the most of it. Whereas if you always sit you just deal with whatever pops out.

But YABU to think phones on the loo is a male thing. Teen girls do it as much or more

That's the best explanation I've ever come across!

My DH definitely spends more time on the loo than I do (although I do take my phone on occasions).

But these threads always confuse me... if you need a wee and your partner is taking an age, why don't you knock and ask them to hurry?

Or maybe I just have no boundaries?

Well you've set out to get backs up by using the phrase cool girl, haven't you.

Doesn't bother me personally as we work very different schedules but I think men seem to take longer, yes. Christ knows why.

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

100% male entitlement. They're doing it to avoid kids/wife/cleaning/chores.

Because I bet they don't do it at work when the boss is around.

I knew someone who was well known for spending an hour in the toilet every morning at work, newspaper in hand.

My DH is like this as well. The bathroom door doesn’t shut properly so if he takes too long I just set the toddler loose and that usually solves the problem.

20 minutes! My boyfriend sets himself up with a game on his phone, announces he's off to sit on the 'throne' and can be in there for an hour.

I finished almost an entire module of my course while he was on the toilet last weekend.

I am very attached to my phone but I never take it to the toilet! (And I do have ibs-c but I'll just give up and come back later )

Mine has been known to be on there for 45 minutes

I'm so Fucking glad I'm single. I spend as long as I like, with my kindle, parked on the bog. I only get bothered by my cat. The only time I don't linger is in the winter because it's too Fucking cold

Must admit (man) I always take 20 mins + for a dump. I must have picked it up from my dad who always took a paper in him with then sat in there grunting and rubbing his nose for half an hour, twice a day. He had a large shelf next to the toilet with humerous books to read. Thinking back, I remember most male visitors to the house being very complimentary about the range of reading material on offer, whereas female visitors tended to be in and out in 2 minutes, no reading time.

Many a time as a kid I had to go out and piss in the flowerbed as I couldn’t hold on any longer to use the (one) bathroom if the old man was having a shitathon.

To those of you complaining about men spending too much time on the loo - perhaps they are just trying to enjoy a few minutes of peace away from their narky wives!

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER
IMO it’s a primeval male-animal thing - spending ages = more time to spread their scent (aka stinking the place out) - which in animal terms = marking their territory.

That's a theory that makes sense,n but although it explains why it doesn't explain how they feel comfortable knowing there's a backlog of (in your case six) people waiting on them...!

Oh I love a read (of MN usually! Oh the irony) on the loo. But 20 minutes? Nope. That's just inconsiderate. Anyway, OP, do you have kids? That's your solution. Kids banging on the door in the morning keeps our loo fairly unoccupied. Keeps that door revolving. No time for loo porn in this house.

I use mine on it and used to read the paper too!

I must be a guy then because I take mine to the toilet and use it for Facebook or something. I suffer with ulcerative colitis and trust me when you’ve spent an hour on the toilet because you can’t get off then you need something to occupy you. Try it sometime rather then grumbling haha

I'm convinced it's down to the prostate gland (male G-spot).

Isn't necessarily a more pleasurable affair, but certainly can be. Wish I didn't know this!

I'm really against the use of phones while on the toilet as find it gross although I do think that's quite an uncommon stance. Health problems aside, men definitely seem to take longer to poo, regardless of whether they have children so it's not always to slink off to avoid responsibilities!

I don't think taking a phone in is unhygenic, you can clean a phone quite easily. But I always find it properly manky that some people have reading material in there, which just sits there all the time absorbing the foul miasma, plus the questionable hygiene of being repeatedly handled while someone is taking a dump. Urgh.

Some men do seem to take a bit too much pleasure in having a poòp, and I did know one who told me he enjoyed being, well..full of shit.