Sending child to school even though she's a Foster carer

[Darkbloom]

Ok am I being unreasonable?

I know someone who is a Foster carer (stays at home all day, everyday, know this as I am close with her). Should she really be sending her Foster child to school when she could easily home school the child herself?

Why don't people just trust that the carers and the teaching staff have discussed the situation and have decided whats best for the child for reasons that have nothing to do with anyone except the adults involved who have input and responsibility and the child.

Of course she should be going to school.

I think the OP is very naive with no knowledge of the care system.

OP, children in care need all the support they can get and are a priority, not just ito accessing school atm, but choice of school when they enrol.
They are the most vulnerable group and have probably been through so much in their short lives.

I have a friend who is a foster carer and I can’t believe for one minute if you are close to this woman that you don’t know how incredibly hard fostering is an how very very difficult it is for the children to have any change in routine.

Foster children can be incredibly difficult to look after when things are going as routinely as possible (that’s not to disparage foster kids, they have had awful things happen in their lives, of course they can have behavioural difficulties).

You’re asking why would a child that’s been removed from their birth parents require the routine of school? Give your head a wobble.

'think the OP is very naive with no knowledge of the care system.'

Yes and she has accepted she is wrong.

I do wonder what people think the definition of 'vulnerable child' is, if not in fact one in care.

If she is a professional foster carer then she has not divulged the childs circumstances to you. Nor should she; so mind your own business about why he needs to be in school.

FFS the child is fostered for a reason. The Social Worker will be aware of what is best for that particular child based on their needs. Children removed from home (or those who willingly leave) do so with various kinds of trauma. The foster carer is likely to have had a discussion around what is best for the child.

As I'm sure others have pointed out, children in care are classed as vulnerable and they are very much the children who do need to be in school. Who do you think the vulnerable children are?!!

YABVVVVU, obviously.

To be fair, the OP has said she is being unreasonable. This reminds me of a parent I got talking to while at the open day for prospective reception class parents of a very over subscribed and popular primary school. She couldn’t understand why looked after children are the top of the admission criteria and felt it was unfair. I was

You are ‘close’ enough to know that she’s at home all day every day but not close enough to ask?

YABU, foster kids are extremely vulnerable and have an incredible amount of upheaval in their short lives already. Continuity in schooling is of upmost importance to them, not for education, but for sense of self and consistency.

Another foster carer here, and actually my 2 children are not attending currently even though there is a space available for both of them. The decision is based on the needs of each child individually, and puts what is best for them at the forefront.
However I can see why sometimes people looking in are oblivious to the amount of work that goes into fostering. There are many meetings, reviews, appointments with other professionals and continuing education courses which have to take place, even during a pandemic.
As well as all this managing the childrens emotions and behaviours can be extremely full on and emotionally draining, it has had an effect on my own mental health at times, so sometimes school provides needed respite.
To anyone who see and engages with my children they are bright, intelligent and well mannered, but what they don't see is that their behaviour is managed because I am constantly managing it. At home we have melt downs, aggressive behaviour and emotional regression, we are their safe place and the one place they won't be judged. It's tough and it takes a toll, on them and us.

I think your judgement is not necessarily unkind but maybe you don't have the insight into her and her childrens life that you think you do. I can see you have accepted that you are being unreasonable, maybe its just more that you are unaware.

YAB offensively U

Sadly I keep seeing these judgy thrreads .... In reality let the school decide if appropriate.. Focus on your own family

I’m a foster carer and based on the responses to this thread I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable by NOT sending my two foster children to school! 😆

I chose not to mainly because I thought it would be like lockdown last year when only a couple of kids from their school were in and I didn’t want them to stand out as different. But that was my choice and works for my kids. Other looked after children might benefit more from being in school. Or, the carers might benefit more from the kids being there because some of these children are extremely challenging and yes, sometimes we need a break from them.

Foster children can have all kinds of issues which make them vulnerable and more in need of a school place in the current situation.

It's better not to make judgments about families that are not in a "normal" situation. You don't know what they might be struggling with with that child.

Is this a reverse and you are the Foster carer trying to gauge if you are being judged sending the child in?

I can't imagine anyone genuinely writing that OP!

I really wish I hadn't clicked on this thread. As if stories of the Covid Police - this being the actual police this time - storming people's homes were not bad enough, threads revealing attitudes like this about the gradual small-scale assaults on individual freedom, reports on neighbours, questioning who is doing what etc., are thoroughly deflating and depressing to read.

I'm in despair about the turn our society is taking. That's not owing to the threat posed by coronavirus but its far more serious, insidious consequences.

In our borough a directive was sent stating foster carers should be keeping their children at home and not taking a vuln student place UNLESS it was agreed with school and social worker that it was better for that child to remain in school.

YABU. Massively. Mind your own bloody business.

I would be gobsmacked if this is a reverse. I can’t imagine a foster carer would write that knowing how many people read AIBU and in a similar position and essentially emotionally pressuring those with the most vulnerable children, who are better off in school, to keep these children at home. Plus, as pp have said it’s not always their decision.

Fostering can be a full time job, more so that your average SAHP.
They will have social worker checks and meetings, maybe facilitating contact with parents, medical and mental health assessments.
Just because you k ow the foster parent does not mean you know why that child requires them or what needs that child has.

Looked after children need more structure and stability that your average child.

YABVU

Shes a "looked after" child and is therefore important that she maintains stability and routines.

YABU, judgemental and are clearly clueless. Maybe keep your nose out of things that don't concern you in future.

read the thread!

The OP admitted she was unreasonable over 2 hours ago.