Sending child to school even though she's a Foster carer

[Darkbloom]

Ok am I being unreasonable?

I know someone who is a Foster carer (stays at home all day, everyday, know this as I am close with her). Should she really be sending her Foster child to school when she could easily home school the child herself?

FFS

Can't you see that you just come across as a nosy judgy cow? That's why you've got the responses you've had

@Darkbloom

Ok... thanks for all your comments. I asked if it was being unreasonable - I'm putting myself out there, I dont expect the rudeness that some of you guys have given. I asked a question not killed somebody. Ok I have my answer, I am being unreasonable. Cheers 🍻

Usually I agree this place can be rude without any constructive advice, but in this case you really should have thought before actually asking. Vulnerable children (anything between being under LAC or having SEN) need school and its routine, it has nothing to do with the carer's personal working situation. I mean, a tiny bit of common sense should make that obvious, surely?

Why do people think it’s any if their business why someone else’s child is at school? Do we all need to start making our kids wear a sign stating their disability/SEN/reason for being classed as vulnerable?

Yabu. We have a foster child in the extended family. They are vulnerable and need the stability of as much routine as is humanly possible to keep their mental health stable. It's not about the foster carer needing a break.

I am a foster carer, some fellow foster carers have no option but to send their fosterlings to school because the child's social worker have declared it to be in their best interests. All children in care are deemed as 'vulnerable' so are eligible to attend school as such.

Don't judge her. Fostering is the hardest thing I have ever done, the children we foster often come with a whole host of damage that those outside of our closest circles might never see but believe me, it is there. The emotional toll on foster carers at this time has been huge.

Fucking sick of all the people judging what others are doing at the minute. YABVU and you have no idea what is going on in other people’s lives.
Focus on what you can control and stop judging others and you will be a lot happier.

Looked after children are expected to attend school as part of their child in need plan.

Oh and as a foster carer my LA doesn't allow us to foster and work outside of the family home. Fostering is my job.

Wind your beak in dear.

YABVVVU! Foster children are often incredible vulnerable and need consistency and routine. They are often behind emotionally and academically because they grew up in situations deemed poor enough to be actually taken in to care. Come on now, you can't really be this naive/arrogant.

In my county - and many others, all looked after children have to go to school. We don't have the choice to keep them at home.

Looked after children have all suffered trauma and being at school is a safe place for them with routine, familiar faces and support.

I happily sent my foster child, she isn't terribly happy about it but she needs all of the above. I also need a break from 24/7 dealing with a child that has suffered extreme trauma, emotional/physical harm and neglect, is working 3 years behind because she rarely went to school but also had no healthy interaction. I also have her 2 baby brothers who have also suffered neglect and trauma and the toddler will also return to nursery when it opens

Maybe we should all stop judging people so harshly and start to understand that there are reasons behind all decisions. We could also stop being jealous about what others have

Hello @Darkbloom I think it was a reasonable question. When I was fostering, these sorts of decisions wouldn't have been made by me. Usually they are made at a case conference (probably via Zoom now) to which all professionals concerned with the child, including teachers and foster carer, are invited.

Not sure what you found rude in the first few messages OP, you were just told YABU for judging foster carer sending vulnerable child to school as per government guidelines.

YABU but you know that now

This ridiculous thread is the natural consequence of the hideously nosey and judgemental culture that's come about due to covid restrictions. You're not the only one who is being unreasonable, OP. You've had your arse handed to you because it's perceived that there's a good reason for this particular child to be in school, but nobody should be asking these questions about other families, regardless of whether they're known to be vulnerable. Mind your own.

Without wanting to make generalisations, I think it’s fair to say that foster carers are some of the most selfless and heroic people in society - and you’ve a) suggested she’s doing something wrong by sending her fosterling to school (which she absolutely 100% should be, by the way) and b) devalued her contribution by society by describing her as being ‘at home all day every day’.

That’s why you’ve had some rude responses.

You're "just asking" but why does everyone feel the need to minutely "question" aka judge other parents over this.

Have you posted a thread on every single parent where your know unequivocally that both parents with full time out the house and they have no reasonable childcare bubble?

Why has this mom sent her child to school five days when I KNOW she only works 4?
Why has this mom sent her child to school when her Aunt Mary used to do pick ups so surely could look after her?
Why has she sent her child to school when I know they could manage in the husband's money so she could just quit work?

It isn't just you op, but this school stuff really does being out the bitchy judgemental side in people.

Do you not think she knows what's better for her child than you?

Foster children are exactly who are meant to be sent into school. YABU. Mind your own business FFS!!!!!

What an awful thing to say

And I don't think you're 'close with her' if you're talking about what you think she should be doing behind her back.

@Darkbloom do you even realise why children might be placed into foster care? They are the very definition of vulnerable.

This epidemic of jealousy over who can and can’t attend school in person due to the pandemic, is the lowest of the low.

Children in the care system have always been able to be in school under the vulnerable category. It's the right place for them to be - consistency is even more key for those children.

Why do you ask?

YABVU. Vulnerable children this time round have correctly been prioritised. There is an important reason for this- those with social workers, with a care order or with an EHCP (like my ds) face so many challenges every day and there life outcomes are significantly much reduced and limited. These children need all the support, routine and guidance they can.

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