To be sick of selfish family Zoom calls?

[Freewheelingoryx]

Just venting! I know there are more serious things to stress about. But is anyone else sick of family Zoom calls where you are make sure you ask after your brother's business, your sister's painful wrist, your nephew's exam, your nieces's on-line judo class, the cat, the cat's mother etc etc, and not one person asks you one single question about yourself in return? It's happened so often now that DH and I have started to joke about it.

Oh god yes an hour far too long VeryquaintIrene , ours our usually half that thankfully. But a large family.

Thank goodness I've managed nearly a year of Lockdown without a single family Zoom call on either mine or DH's side - if we want to talk to someone we have an old fashioned (landline) phone call .

Isn't that just like normal life?

dh and i dislike the daily phone call of doom, gloom and repetition of dh's very close relative. sucks the joy out of the day tbh, never happy unless moaning.

My MIL complained to DH the other day (not for the first time) that she was struggling in lockdown and really wanted regular face-times with our DC... I showed DH my call log. In 10 days we’d had long FaceTime chats on 8 !!!

Some people are self-centered, some just communicate a bit differently to you and you miss each others' cues.

My MiL constantly asks after everyone, the weather, travel plans, my brother, my mum, the cat, my mum's next door neighbour (okay, not the last). I find it a little tedious in some ways but realise she's trying to make a connection so try to reciprocate. It took me a good few years to realise what the deal was, though. I thought she didn't like me and was just going through the motions at first. My own family (and FiL) tend to be more organic, with people starting conversations about the things they want to tell everyone or asking about shared interests, etc.

Now we have younger family (nieces and nephews) who I rarely see in person I'm finding MiL's formula a useful way to get to know them enough to have vaguely shared interests though judging by the sometimes lackluster response, they may think I'm just going through the motions.

Are you talking about zoom calls with multiple households? God they're painful. In a normal setting you would just naturally break off into smaller conversations in pairs or something eg someone chatting to someone making the cups of tea, Granddad talking to the kids, Dad catching up with his siblings, teenage cousins talking together about the shite that teens talk about .

When only one person at a time can speak on a Zoom call it's totally unnatural.

I've just started getting up and wandering off after a while with the inlaws. I've said hello and had a bit of a chat. DH can sit and carry on if he wants.

I think family calls are much more fun if everyone is comfortable enough to ditch the formal questions about wrists/details!

Much better to laugh at at your brothers corona hair or listen to a random rant

Can you just ditch the Formal questions and sense of obligations and just be you, and everyone can relax and have a bit of random chat and banter?

I hate multi family calls. When it's just us and the PILs I insist everyone takes a turn talking to them or it just becomes a fight between dc1 and dc2 over who is on the screen!

First lockdown we had lots of family zoom calls. All with DH family.

I found it a nightmare especially after being on zoom calls most of the week in work.

Had a zoom call on Xmas day and still shouting at FIL ' YOU'RE ON MUTE ! '

Luckily I think we're all zoomed out.

I feel your pain. YANBU.

Just tell them that what you've been up to is a secret. They won't be able to resist asking you about it then :)

I have never, and will never participate in zoom calls. I can think of nothing worse.

I call my mother, and that is it. Everyone else gets texts messages and whatsapp messages. Anyone fragile gets a phone call.

Op just tell them your computer is playing up and bail out gracefully.

My late mother on an ordinary phone call only did monologues. Some people only ever reach the third note of the scale. Her monologues would last an hour or more.

no i dont do them much to my df dismay i wil only on special occasiions

Ha Inextremis! and Farewell2020

Yes they are multi- household calls. That's a good point Curlyhairedassasin they are quite unnatural I suppose. We don't normally do that many but we've had Christmas, NY, birthdays etc that's all fallen around the same time.

I take the point about different styles of communication and Brieandbanter think you have hit the nail on the head there. I'll drop the formal questions.

Ragwort I much prefer the old-fashioned land line too.

I hear ya! Mine like to FaceTime but then spend 10 minutes telling me about people I don’t know and how wonderful my sisters child is - didn’t ask about my kids once!
I try and limit Zoom and FaceTime as it’s always the same and I really can’t be doing with it!

@lemonsquashie

Isn't that just like normal life?

I guess so!

YANBU, I agree, stop asking questions and see what happens. Let us know how it goes. When is the next one?

We only do then on Xmas and birthdays. We're a bad family.

Ours are lovely. We have had about 6 or 7, and they’ve been great fun. There’s me, and then my (grown up) kids and their other halves. We laugh and joke and play with silly filters! Occasionally the grandkids will come on screen and say hi. It’s been fab! 🤷‍♀️

No, I’m with you, OP. My duty calls are me listening and her interrupting me if I start to tell her something that’s happened our end. Very frustrating.

It's more obvious with Zoom though I suppose Lemonsquashie

Gingerinthegarden I think you've done your duty there

Wearywithteens I think you have identified the crux of the problem. Maybe it's a generational difference? I was brought up to ask (polite) questions of others about how they are, and not to dominate the conversation and yet you say you don't think it's your business to ask questions and you just chat away. I think I am being polite by doing this ; you say it's martyrish. Two completely different approaches. Not sure if there is a right or wrong as such but maybe it explains my frustration.

Better than my in laws family. We had a Christmas zoom call with an agenda and we had questions set in advance that we had to be ready to give answers too. It was hideous.

Twickerhun that sounds like the makings of a good comedy sketch , excruciating