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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just been shouted at in room full of people at work....

90 replies

Changednameforthispost111 · 07/01/2021 13:40

Name change as outing.

Am nhs professional 40+ (for context).

Male (? Relevant) manager just shouted at/berrated me in a public place in front of colleagues.

No justification for this. Related to a work activity which I had handed over to him as I was not in the next day which then hadn’t been followed up by him.

Feeling doubly crap. Firstly because it’s stressful enough anyway at the moment and I don’t need this on top of everything else and secondly because I responded like a total melt not a grown adult professional. Didn’t stand up for myself, stood there and took it. Ten minutes later thought of really good things I should have said.

OP posts:

WorryingAtHome · 07/01/2021 13:42

That's totally unprofessional. I would speak to his boss or HR pointing that out and would expect an apology.

Godimabitch · 07/01/2021 13:45

How awful, absolutely complain to his boss. Particularly pointing out his mistake aswell as the unprofessional nature of him shouting at you in front of your colleagues.

StrippedFridge · 07/01/2021 13:49

Think of it as you chose not to react in the moment. You stayed calm and took time to consider how best to go forward. This is good. This is not being a melt.

I am hard as nails at work. Chances are I might have done nothing immediately too. People know that can be a show of strength. Just because someone wants a fight doesn't mean I will give it to them on their terms to their timetable.

I would be asking for an apology. I might also take advice from HR and/or his boss.

Stay away from the content of the rant. It is the fact that it was a rant that is the problem.

Like a toddler having a tantrum or a teenager saying they hate you, it doesn't matter what the trigger was, what matters is that that is an unacceptable way to behave.

DimidDavilby · 07/01/2021 13:53

Document it.

Email saying, when you aggressively shouted at me earlier you said XXXXX, xxxx, Xxxx etc. I would like to point out x, y and z.

Then you have documentation and you get to make your points. It's bullying and not acceptable in the workplace.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 07/01/2021 13:54

I would have instinctively welled up and cried which is an incredibly embarrassing automatic reaction to have so at least you didn't do that!

Follow it up with HR as other PP have said. I hope your day gets better

missyB1 · 07/01/2021 13:54

Ok well done for staying calm - you were the better person. The manager showed himself up.
Now demand an apology. Point out how unprofessional he was. Give him the chance to apologise, no ifs no buts, a sincere admission that he was wrong and a promise never to do that again. If he doesn’t want to do that then you report him. However if he has done this to you before then I would go straight to reporting.

PussyCatInChristmasStockings · 07/01/2021 13:57

Go to HR - do it now.
Tell them everything that was said and explain the circumstances.
Let them deal with it from that point.

Puddlepop · 07/01/2021 14:00

That sounds shitty and unnecessary in any workplace let alone NHS at this time. Your failure to respond at the time is likely advantageous. As mentioned above, put in writing the conversation that occurred, only facts, no opinions or speculation, then address each point with your response. Copy into email the relevant colleagues for that task, and also line manager. He’s managed to look like the winner for all of 2 mins and I think he might be quivering a bit inside once he cools down and considers the consequences of that unprofessional outburst in full view of witnesses. Kick his arse well and professionally OP.

IfTheSockFits · 07/01/2021 14:01

@WorryingAtHome

That's totally unprofessional. I would speak to his boss or HR pointing that out and would expect an apology.

I'd expect an apology too, preferably bellowed at full volume in front of everybody.

Winterwoollies · 07/01/2021 14:31

Escalate it. Document it and escalate it.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 07/01/2021 14:40

Sorry this happened, OP. It was horrible of him and I bet all of the other people in the room were sat there thinking to themselves 'What a dickhead that man is,". The fact that you didn't respond makes him look even worse.

I second all of the people saying to complain to people higher up with a bullet point list of what happened and how you responded etc.

jessycake · 07/01/2021 14:47

speak to the union and put a grevience in

Original poster

Changednameforthispost111 · 07/01/2021 14:49

Thanks all for good advice.

Glad my lack of response may be a positive thing and not spineless. I couldn’t think straight as was taken by surprise.

Yes others have spoken to me and said they have experienced similar. In some respects good to have witnesses if needed but embarrassing.

I will document now calmed down.

For the poster that said at least you didn’t cry....I was very close, and did a bit when on my own later!

Now feel cross that someone with this personality type has been allowed to “manage” us, and is clearly not great at it.

OP posts:

ChilliMum · 07/01/2021 14:52

This happened to me when I was much younger, it's so horrible. It was my managers manager, it was awful, i was completely humiliated and it was about something that i hadn't done but I completely froze.

He later apologised but called me out of the shared office where he had yelled at me and into the privacy of his own office to apologise and explain how the situation arose etc..

I second all the people saying escalate this as once he had apologised I just felt it would have been petty to say anything but the fact I was yelled at publically and made to look a fool and then apologised to in private never left me.

I am sure my colleagues didnt think less of me as they knew it wasn't my mistake but none the less I felt like I always had to prove myself after that and I ended up leaving the job soon after.

nyoman · 07/01/2021 15:01

I'm sorry this happened, hopefully he will apologise later and try to make restitution.

I would just say that my cousin, in his 50s, hard as nails and a NHS v senior manager was crying on the phone to his mum this weekend, because the situation is so beyond dire. The pressures on hospitals, coupled with organising the vaccination programmes is really breaking people.

blueangel19 · 07/01/2021 15:56

I am sorry your boss does not have emotional intelligence. Really annoying how people gets to be the boss without people skills. The problem going forward if is this happens again. You should communicate this or follow your organisation protocols to complain. Do not be scare to do it.

sofiaaaaaa · 07/01/2021 15:57

He sounds like an inept manager.

I would say report him, but you know what the NHS is like, there’s a risk it will blow back on you

DaphneBridgerton · 07/01/2021 16:24

I'd be pleased I hadn't responded "in the moment" if I were you... now you can get on your high horse and talk about how you used restraint and professionalism by not reacting

Sorry that happened to you - it's not acceptable and I hope it's taken seriously

BreakfastClub80 · 07/01/2021 16:33

I’ve been there OP (also NHS) and responded very much as you did in the moment. Depending on who the manager is and who else was in the meeting might steer your response. I have been bullied by one manager who was taken to task by my direct manager (who was the same level as him) before I could act, which resolved the situation. Another time it was my Director, I didn’t deal with this as I was used to it to some extent and was leaving soon afterwards. Both perpetrators embarrassed themselves more than me though so I took that from it.

I agree you should put it in writing assertively, unless he is a bully (which my FD was) he will know he messed up. You can take advantage of this to be clear that whatever the message was (right or wrong) this wasn’t the right way to approach you.

for you. It’s horrible to experience.

ginswinger · 07/01/2021 16:49

I think you handled this very well, bought yourself time to process this and didn't inflame the situation further. As previous posters have said, very unprofessional and deserving on an apology.

To open the conversation for them, perhaps an email just saying, 'I beg your pardon?' which is my preferred way of saying, how very chuffing dare you.

MissMarpleDarling · 07/01/2021 16:55

Do complain OP. That's awful. In my 30 plus years I've never had a collegue even raise their voice to me. We are adults not children or bullies. Hope you are ok. Bet it was a shock. The person needs to know that is not okay.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 07/01/2021 17:05

Letting them makes fools of themselves whilst you stand there looking to all intents and purposes, the calm, collected, reasonable one (wobbling knees are invisible to onlookers) is absolutely the best thing you could have done.

Now inform HR (and your union), as it appears he may be needing additional support to cope with his workload and it wouldn't be right to leave him to struggle on in this state of mind where he is at the point of behaving extremely inappropriately towards colleagues in public.

I've been on the receiving end of it a couple of times. The people trying it have not behaved that way to me a second time - and I have never crossed the boundaries into behaving unprofessionally towards them, either. even if I desperately wanted to tell them to shut up and fuck off I far prefer them to show themselves up and then have their conduct the subject of interest, rather than mine.

EleventhNight · 07/01/2021 17:07

HR HR HR HR

Cherrysoup · 07/01/2021 17:08

Complain to hr, he clearly needs re-training.

scentedgeranium · 07/01/2021 17:10

Well done for remaining outwardly calm. I'd have cried. Hopefully he looks the idiot for behaving in such an unprofessional way in public

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