To take myself to A&E

[PumpkinSpicedLatte]

Not sure if this is the right place , my apologies if not.
Quick overview - I’ve posted here before regarding PND.
DD almost 5 months now
I take Sertraline 200mg
Been a battle to get support so far as I didn’t meet the criteria for severity but I soon spiralled .
I have a husband and also a very close friend who have been above amazing & thankfully is in my bubble so she’s been and helped me many a times, because she ‘gets’ my situation more than DH-nothing personal to DH he just doesn’t get mental health the same as my friend seems to.

I’ve woken today feeling absolutely beside myself mentally . Extremely sleep deprived . DD is not sleeping well at all, I got 2 hours sleep the last 4 days broken into 10 minute intervals of DD waking. I just don’t feel good.
For the first time ever i am contemplating taking myself to A&E to get proper help, but my issues are:
Currently we are having to isolate as DH has covid , I’ve tested negative and have no symptoms , but I’m guessing that means I can’t leave the house to go to hospital due to isolating? The other issue is I also breastfeed my daughter exclusively and she will not accept a bottle , and I can hardly take her with me can I ? Also don’t know how to tell DH that I’m feeling that bad without breaking him.
I’m at a loss, can anyone help?
Please be kind , if possible .
Thank you

@toocold54

Please tell your DH and get him to have a say or 2 off and look after your DC. I know you’ll still have to breastfeed but make sure all the times you are not breastfeeding you are relaxing - taking baths, doing your nails etc. Then get a really early night. Then tomorrow go out for a long walk alone after you have fed her. Or meet up with your friend half way though and have a long walk together.

The OP's DH has Covid. What can he take a day off from? We don't know how ill he is, and the OP says he's been sleeping separately so as not to infect anyone else. And how will having an early night make any difference to a baby that wakes up every 10 minutes. Read it again. Sorry OP - I would suggest 111 also.

I know this isn't the immediate issue, but for your own sanity you should really get DD drinking from a bottle if possible. I know it's hard to train babies at that age when they're used to exclusively breast feeding, but if you could pump and have bottles ready for her at least your DH could take on some of the feeds and let you get some sleep! I didn't have pnd but I don't think I could have coped with a baby and so little sleep (and in the middle of a pandemic with no help) - that would affect anyone.

@PumpkinSpicedLatte

As others have said, A&E is not the right place..They patch up broken bodies, emotions less so.

Lack of sleep is horrendous. Only experienced it after DS was born, due to the shock of everything..I became so tired that paradoxically I couldn't sleep.
It was frightening.
My DH was of the attitude ''You had him, you deal with him..I have to work'' ....

Men can sleep through crying.

If you had decent sleep, you'd feel a whole lot better.

I was prescribed a mild sleeping tablet {and BF} ..I took one, and was it worked.
Threw the rest away though.

Lack of sleep is the worst feeling, and is a mixture of wired and exhausted.
It will pass.

The affect of lack of sleep is often underestimated. With sufficient sleep do you think you would be ok? It might be that you can go back on the mother and baby ward with your baby in a private room where you could be cared for while you got some sleep. I had to go back into hospital with a 2 week old for heart tests (for me) and I refused to get the tests until they agreed to let my baby stay with me.

If not, if you go to A&E you may have to leave your baby with your DH who will not only have to wake up, tend to her but also feed her. This means he has to get his head around disinfecting bottles, making up the right amount of formula as well as waking up to tend to her.

If you could get him to do that while you are in the house instead of going to A&E you could get some much needed sleep at home and still breastfeed periodically to keep the breastfeeding going. That would be better for the baby too.

I know it is hard, it gets much much better as babies get bigger.

@supersop60 thank you x

I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. You know your baby will eventually sleep through. You are doing your best in very challenging circumstances.

Your baby may take a bottle from somebody other than you. If you are holding the bottle, the baby can recognise your smell and their idea is to latch on. The baby may take a bottle more readily from your husband especially if she can't see you or smell you. If you express milk into bottles, she will absolutely take the bottle before she starves. Also, babies can have a strong preference for one bottle over another - one of my mine wouldn't have anything to do with our squat avent bottle but would use any other traditional bottle. You realise too that the tighter the ring the slower the flow? Are you still winding her in case that is making her unsettled?

Now I come from an older generation. I realise that fashions in child rearing have changed and sometimes for the better but it's plain that your baby has not learnt to self settle but has managed to train you to be up all night with her. My eldest slept through at 6 weeks and the second at 8 weeks. That was with a feed at midnight and waking up around 6.30 so we actually got a decent stretch of sleep. Those were the toughest weeks of my life as I had never realised how bad interrupted sleep could make you feel. ( I fell asleep on the nursery floor once and woke to find the baby peacefully asleep under his baby gym.) For what it's worth, and in case it's helpful, I followed the now old-fashioned method of training the baby to recognise that fun things never happened at night. At night if they cried, they were fed and changed and put back to bed (in their own room). The lights were kept really low, no toys and there was no talking or other interaction. If they cried at night and it wasn't time for a feed, we let them go for maybe 5 -10 minutes before we would go in. The baby realises that mum or dad will come eventually but they have to put a bit of effort in and it's not much fun when they do come at night.

A 5 month old baby should be getting enough milk in her stomach to get her through a large chunk of the night. I tried not to feed to sleep because that way the baby does not learn to settle - they get a fright because one moment they were with a parent and then the next moment they wake up alone in the dark. Also, I was the heavy sleeper and my husband used to push me out of bed when the baby cried so I wouldn't put any store on your husband's inability to wake - when he's well an elbow in the ribs should get him moving if gentler methods fail to work. It won't kill a child to cry for a bit either.

I hope things improve for you.

DD is not sleeping well at all, I got 2 hours sleep the last 4 days broken into 10 minute intervals of DD waking pp is right, I had forgotten as it has been a few years. It is worth thinking about why your baby isn't sleeping, mine used to sleep a good 3 or so hours after a long feed too - the feed would be about an hour and would usually end with dc falling asleep - so I would sleep while my baby slept and wake to feed her. It is worth checking if there might be other reasons why your baby isn't sleeping with your HV/GP and check with them about feeding, how often you are doing it etc.

Sorry at 5 months they slept longer than a few hours even.

Just do this once! (This seems like an emergency case...)

Give half dose of paracetamol to your child and co sleep (research safe ways). It's the surest way to a good sleep with a baby I know of. Some babies like to put the head on your arm (especially if their nose is stuffy) some are ok to just lay on the bed under your arm. Wear a warm pj and forego bedding above your bellybutton. You can turn off lights and just breastfeed to sleep.

You need sleep. I have insomnia and once after two nights of no sleep (no baby involved) I felt like I was going insane. All my emotions were heightened, I was unable to concentrate, felt unwell and panicky.

You need a good few hours of solid sleep.

OP I have put my memory cap on back to when dc were 5 months. I used to go for a 2 hour walk with dc on my chest in a Babybjorn. The first 20 mins I would be chatting and singing songs. Then my baby would fall asleep and I would just walk. The walking is really good for you in relation to setting off feel-good hormones and sending them rushing around your body and also gives you some mental space to day dream. I wasn't a walker before having dc, I did this first because we were having work done in the house, but it felt so amazing that it turned into a daily thing for a while. The fresh air is good for your baby (if you don't walk down busy roads!) too.

You first need a good long stretch of sleep.

It will give you more energy to spend time interacting with your baby too, as at 5 months they will be more active and alert about what is going on and interacting is so important - this will tire them out more too so making it easier for them to sleep.

Check out there are no medical reasons why they aren't sleeping though, and make sure you are feeding your baby enough, at 5 months they will start to get hungrier and ready for starting food (while still bf) and again this will help sleep.

Going for long walks with your baby in a pram is good too, as they will like the movement, and if they are facing you (on their back) all the better.

Now I come from an older generation. I realise that fashions in child rearing have changed and sometimes for the better but it's plain that your baby has not learnt to self settle but has managed to train you to be up all night with her

Seconding this. Attachment parenting (based on cod science round spurious claims about cortisol) has become a stick to beat women with, and it doesn't do babies any good if their mothers are put under such pressure to meet an unattainable standard that they crack up under the pressure. Cry it out is bad for babies but so too is having a mother so sleep deprived she's on the verge of a breakdown. There has to be a happy medium.

OP, I'd suggest a few things.

Absolute top priority is your sanity. You need sleep and you need it now. Everything else - shifting your baby onto bottles etc. Is secondary.

Breast feed for now and either set your bed up so you can safely co-sleep or get a friend to take your baby out for a three hour walk in the pram (covid or no covid) while you get a sleep - ideally over at least 3 days.

Call your GP and get an emergency mental health referral (though I suspect 90% of the issue is sleep deprivation).

Then when your husband has recovered make sleep training your top priority. He goes in at night, changes, offers a bottle, resettles. You get to sleep. Okay, he's a deep sleeper and you're not. So you wake, elbow him in the ribs, pop in ear plugs and roll over. Because this is beyond what you can cope with.

The OP's DH has Covid. What can he take a day off from? We don't know how ill he is, and the OP says he's been sleeping separately so as not to infect anyone else.

Sorry I assumed the entire household was self isolating together and thought that was the reason of not wanting to go to A&E rather than worrying about the baby catching it. And therefore DP would be wfh. - I did read it I just made assumptions - my mistake.

The advice when mine were small was to breastfeed until 4 months. I couldn't go that long for one of mine. He was ravenous and settled as soon as I gave him some baby rice.
Please try feeding something. This might give you some respite. I know it's 6 months now but that's only been in recent years.

@Jeremyironseverything

The advice when mine were small was to breastfeed until 4 months. I couldn't go that long for one of mine. He was ravenous and settled as soon as I gave him some baby rice. Please try feeding something. This might give you some respite. I know it's 6 months now but that's only been in recent years.

The child is 5months so it's ok to feed them if they seem unsatisfied by breastfeeding.

However we must not completely dismiss new guidelines. They're there for a reason! It may sound silly to a mother of adults but "cutting grapes in quarters", "sleeping on their back", "no crib protectors or soft toys", etc etc, have arisen because babies have died. Yours didn't, I didn't (I didn't even use a seatbelt after 3/4yo) but if we can prevent even one baby death, even one baby becoming seriously ill, why is it so bad to have these new safety guidelines?!

Hi @PumpkinSpicedLatte how are you doing now, lovely?x

Thanks everyone . Sorry I went MIA for a bit . I’ve been on the phone to the perinatal team and I’m having another call tomorrow and to talk about the lack of sleep etc .
You’ve all been very kind thank you. DD is gaining weight really well so is getting enough breast milk , so I don’t think it’s hunger . But I am questioning whether there is something bothering her . It’s so hard , and I am so tired. Not long left isolating and i can get out the house

So glad you’ve spoken to someone! Honestly I know sometimes when your DD is sleeping you’ll feel like you need to do some housework/washing/watch tv or scroll your phone, but every second she is asleep, try and sleep yourself or at the very least go to bed and lay down. Don’t underestimate a 20 min nap here and there. I used to always think that I won’t bother sleeping when DS does because he won’t be asleep long but I was so stupid and missed out on so much sleep because of it!

I just had one thing to add - what temperature is your babies room?

And, you may be able to get sleep training help whilst in isolation virtually too, if that is of course a route you want to go down.

Hope you got some decent sleep last night

Well done for getting in touch with your team OP they're the ones with the ability to help you make changes and give you more support. I work in mental health care at the moment and Covid mums are in such a terrible spot at the moment as none of the usual support nets are there for you, so please don't feel like it's just you struggling! You are doing your best and that is enough.

How are you doing today, Pumpkin? Hope you got some sleep and the mental health team have been able to provide some support.

I’m not doing great. In fact I feel I’m getting worse . My health visitor is coming tomorrow so I’m going to tell her. My husband has recovered from covid thankfully . He knows I’m
Getting worse , but I darent tell anyone else .

I’ve barely eaten the last 3 days I’ve gone off all my food . I’m exhausted . DD sleep at night is just absolutely horrendous . I just can’t function and my husband is being transferred to work in ICU so I’m worried sick. I feel like a shell

It really does sound like you’re having a difficult time- sorry I haven’t RTFT but did perinatal offer any support when you had your call with them?

Are you in the UK -if so I’d recommend homestart. I often refer perinatal patients I see there but they usually take self-referrals too. (I work in a psychology service and we see perinatal clients that don’t meet the threshold for perinatal service mental health support).

www.home-start.org.uk/mental-health