can't sleep when husband not here

[grannyinapram]

dh is working nights and will soon be working away for days at a time, possibly weeks.
I can't sleep when he isn't here, we live in a flat and I can hear every noise from every direction.
last night I watched TV until 3/4 am and tonight I may well have to do the same. Just so I can drown out the noise and try to focus on something other than murderers, rapists and the like. How do I feel safe when I'm alone with the children. I feel as though I am on watch and I can sleep when he is home.
I fell asleep on the sofa today because I was so knackered. I didn't even chose to nap, I just remember waking up and thinking "sleep?"

Any tips? tia

No tips sorry but I sympathise. I couldn't sleep when my dh was night-shift either. It did help allowing my kids to sleep in beside Mummy in the big bed though

I would suggest that you go to bed at the same time as DC. Have the tv on for background noise but set it to switch off at some point. Before going to bed go round all the doors and windows confirm to yourself that they are all secure. If it is a flat with only one main door. Make sure that everything apart from the tv lean the ironing board or similar on the door. Perhaps read in bed if that relaxes you. Be cosy and comfortable. I live as the sole adult in my house and it is scary and worrying so I do understand. Hope you manage to get some sleep

Poor you. I used to feel like this when I was younger. Flats are very secure so try not to worry.

Get an alarm system or at least alarms for the doors. They will make you feel a lot better. Don't keep the flat totally dark at night. Buy some salt lamps (which give off a very soft, gorgeous glow), and keep them on 24/7. If it's too dark inside that will make you feel anxious.

The "strong independent woman" movement has taken a beating this last year hasn't it?

When my husband used to work away it was the TV which helped me sleep, I'd put on friends and close my eyes and just listen to it, and drift off.

The dog also helped as she slept at my feet and made me feel safer

Hope you feel better for that, Sinful.

And are there many murders and rapes on your street on an average weeknight?

Yes, some sort of soft night lights help, as well as TV playing quietly (sitcoms, Jane Austen adaptation, whatever calms you). Set up a nighttime routine for yourself. Check that everything's locked and secure, then settle in with whatever helps you relax. Maybe a mindless phone game, colouring book, doodling, reading, crochet/knitting. Something to keep your hands busy.

@Sinful8

The "strong independent woman" movement has taken a beating this last year hasn't it?

Yet the absolute misery guts movements relentlessly marches on.

Could you try a sleep app @grannyinapram, something to listen too as you drop off?

Hope you feel better soon OP I'm in exactly the same boat except with a baby

@OldGreyBoots

Hope you feel better for that, Sinful.

Yeah phrasing on that one was a little off on second reading.

But seriously when did we fall back to this insipid needing a man for every little thing?

Door bell rings, no man home, quick hide!
DH does a night shift, can't sleep cause the murderers are comming!

I'm sorry but what is with the utter falling apart because dh is at work?

You sound really lovely, Sinful8.

I can relate to this OP. Although haven’t had to go through it for a while, thanks to Covid. I normally lock up when kids go to bed, go straight to bed when they do and watch something to take mind off it.

OP will be nervous because typically men are stronger physically than women (not always but typically) and I know exactly how she feels. Although I'd be nervous if anyone was at my door at this time of night.

My DH works away and the first couple nights are always weird. It's got nothing to do with strong independent women ffs, it's just you're used to having a warm body lied next you, when half the bed is empty it just doesn't feel right

I listen to sleepcasts on headspace.
I usually fall asleep quickly with them on, with or without Dh around.

I used to feel the same many years ago, my late Husband used to go all over the world on business trips,sometimes one week,sometimes two or more, my two children were about 7.and 10 at the time. but were excellent sleepers, going to bed quite early,the days before screens etc.

I used to read in bed, and write a lot,or listen to the radio in bed, No tv at all. I did sometimes imagine things happening outside in the night, but I was in a small quiet village, so it was usually only owls hooting etc. always had my terrier dog at the end of the bed though.

@Sinful8

But seriously when did we fall back to this insipid needing a man for every little thing?

Door bell rings, no man home, quick hide!
DH does a night shift, can't sleep cause the murderers are comming!

I'm sorry but what is with the utter falling apart because dh is at work?

You sound very ignorant, Sinful. There are many reasons why people may not be able to sleep alone.

My brother used to lock me in a dark cupboard and parents didn’t prevent us watching from horror movies from the age of 5, so every sound makes me nervous.

It’s not about needing DH in the house, it’s sometimes needing another adult to be present because how some people have been conditioned.

I never have this problem. I sleep so much better when he isn't here.

I do think a good chunk of it is what you’re used to. You’re not used to him not being there, so it’s not as natural and comfortable for you.
My DH works long hours during summer (plus some 😂) and comes home early hours, so I’m locking up and going to sleep without him v often but the start of the season is always tough.
Do try and practice good sleep hygiene tho, watching tv for hours will hinder your ability to sleep. Try quiet music and reading maybe?
In terms of feeling worried, get into a decent lock-up routine and then you know it’s all done and taken care of. Maybe look into further security but generally flats are pretty safe.
We live out in the sticks, so it’s just me and the dog for several miles, so I know what you mean about being hyper vigilant to noises outside. We installed cctv and motion activated floodlights all round the yard, which has allayed my concerns somewhat.. you’d be a real fool to try anything now!

Harden the hell up

I struggle with this too, mainly due to the change in routine.

Things I try that have worked previously:

• Limiting screen time before bed
• Doing exercise at some point during the day
• Sleep yoga (Yoga by Adrienne has some good sleep yoga videos on YouTube, they need no equipment just make you feel sleepy and refocus your mind!)
• Audible audio book on a sleep timer
• Cuddling up in bed with one of my cats

ASMR videos are also great to relax to! I know some people find them a bit weird but I love listening to hour long videos of people reading out Costco brochures or sorting through their nail varnish; it’s mind numbing and distracting and peaceful.

I love having the bed to myself. Sorry can't relate OP!