To be horrified at how ugly I look

[MiaMarshmallows]

In photos?
I am in my fifties now but I am in tears as to how ugly I look. Huge pointy nose, fat cheeks, lank hair, always look like I am gurning and just downright vile. Almost like a distorted photo when you change it to make yourself look awful. Well, I just do it naturally.
Trying to get a job and it requires a photo. Fat chance. They will be too busy laughing. 😐

I look 100% awesome in my mirrors with my make up on. I even look pretty decent in zoom meetings.

However, I’ve no idea what the hell happens when other people take films or photos of me! I seem to turn into a mutant. I had a friend taking photos of me recently doing a sport I enjoy. I don’t know who the hooded and baggy eyed, giant toothed, overbite, chinless wonder was in these pictures!

OP I bet you are being incredibly hard on yourself. It’s sad you feel this way. Have you always felt like this? Could it be a hormone thing? I really am my own worst enemy when I’ve got PMT.

@TartanTexan

Trinny Woodall is 57 in Feb, she looks amazing her neck & face, no sagging or lines & could pass for 30s. Botox & laser the answer?

Oh no. I disagree. She doesn't look younger than her age and she doesn't look 'natural.' In fact, she is botoxed to the hilt. Like I said in another thread recently, botox and collagen never makes anyone look younger. And they sometimes look quite look odd. Trinny looks quite bizarre on the pic up there.^

She definitely doesn't look like a woman in her 30s. She looks her age, (late 50s,) and looks a bit odd IMO.

Same with Nigella. Very botoxed, and when you look close, she doesn't look more than 3-4 years younger than her age.

Don't take a close up selfie. You will look like that person's face through the fish eye lens of your front door spy hole.

I feel like this too op, all the zooming has made me 100 times worse. On the photo front I got some professional headshots done at a local photographer for about £30 great for linked in / cv etc. I’d really recommend, much more natural than one at home etc, and they touched it up!

I feel you OP. When I was in my 20s, I applied for a sales job via email. They replied that they had jobs available, and if I could just send a photo, they would get back to me with an interview time. I sent the photo (the same day), they replied (also the same day) that they had no vacancies . That was 10 years ago so I look a lot worse now. If I had to send a photo for a job interview, I wouldn't bother with it, I'd withdraw my application.

@Davros

Stop invalidating the OP's view of herself. I too am hideous AND fat. It's not a matter of opinion and I'm not desperately sad, it's just true.

But even if she (and you) are then no-one really cares tha much, at least not as much as the OP thinks they do. And I say this as someone who has NEVER experienced the privilege which comes from being young and pretty, even when I was young so I am not conventionally stunning. But I have never met a hideously ugly person in my life and it seems unlikely I am the exception to that.

@YouJustDoYou

Same. I've had random men in the street throughout my life go out of their way to laugh at me/ point out how ugly I am/bark at me because I'm a dog etc. Even had a little.kid shout out "urgh, look at HER!!!" in the middle.of a shop once whilst pointing straight at me. Every tries the usual "beauty's on the inside!" shit but it's just not true for me. I'm ugly, the world knows I'm ugly, no amount of make up has ever hidden that. I just live with it now.

Some men are awful though, just awful and will go out of there way to put you down. I got called an ugly bitch playing online once and they never even saw my face. My (undeniably) beautiful friend (outside and conventionally as well as inside) got called a munter (and some other words) by someone on a train once. There is no way he can of thought she was ugly, he was probably just sore she was out of his league. The same way I wouldnt believe some randomer in a club telling me I was beautiful, I wouldnt believe some randomer in a shop telling me I was ugly. In both cases they have an agenda.

I’ve never applied for a job that required me to submit a photo. I’m ugly too. I had a good job before I retired. Don’t gurn when you’re having your photo taken. Don’t apply for jobs that require a photo.

The civil service usually need photos.

Every single time you think you look bad - ask yourself who is profiting from that opinion of yourself and move on 💕

I also think that having men (normally a small group) bark (or just scream loudly) at you as they pass in a car or on foot is wierdly common. God knows why some men do this but god knows why some men do half the shit they do. I definately wouldnt let it be something that affects your own self esteem/happiness though. Twunts are gona twunt.

OP I have found that 100% of people look better when they smile. If you don't like your teeth, even a closed mouth smile will do. A smile softens the eyes, slims the cheeks and is basically an instant facelift. Very few people over 40 look great with their natural resting face. In the end most all of us will end up looking like hell. It's truly how you cultivate the inside that matters.

Also a smart hiring manager knows that a pretty face does not guaranty a good employee. What they should want to see is nice, clean, combed hair, appropriate make up and of course, a smile. I think it's more about the energy you convey rather than if you look like a model or not. My best co workers have just been normal people, with wrinkles, jowls, acne, crooked teeth, whatever. What they all had in common was an agreeable disposition, and good work ethic.

I, truly, have never ever seen anyone and thought “they’re ugly”. I think pretty/friendly/interesting, or at the most harsh that they look sour as some people do show a meanness of spirit. Ugly, no. No disrespect but do you think it’s because you don’t recognise yourself with ageing? That’s the case with me, the me inside definitely doesn’t match up with the me on show to the world and I do feel very self-conscious (mainly of teeth and hirsutism facial hair as I’m terrified my 5 o’clock shadow is appearing!). I try to consciously smile with my eyes and do feel sad. But I know that’s on me, not anyone else.
Years ago I had a relationship with someone who had wrinkled young, greyed young and was overweight - from the moment I saw them I saw them sparkle with life, I didn’t actually notice the wrinkles as a negative simply a part of the whole of this fascinating person. Be gentle on yourself.

My sister and I look almost the same yet she is always gorgeous in pics and I am vile. It was even like it when we were babies. In RL we are decidedly average. X

I am an ugly person. My nose looks like a droopy willy, my lips are so thin that they disappear if I don't smile, my face has sort of collapsed and my eyes are the colour of pooh and one has the habit of wandering to the side to get a good look at my willy-nose.

I have recently had to post a picture of myself for a job. My 19 year old son found it hilarious that no matter how I placed the phone or whatever angle I took, I still looked ugly.

Yesterday, I had the first Zoom meeting with my new colleagues. Believe me, we are not a pretty bunch! However, we are not there to be pretty. We are employed because we are good at our jobs; we are employed because we are caring; we are employed because we have a passion for something.

Please embrace yourself for who you are. You do not have to hide your face or try to alter it. You are who you are and there is so much more to you than how you think you look.

I am just a bit older than you, but I think we will have lived through decades of hating how we look and possibly being told we are not attractive. Well bollocks to that! We are strong, capable, caring,. funny, loving and wise women.

Congratulations on your new job. Now go out there and rock it!

Ha ha I can't do combed hair... It's a wild curly mess!! Used every product under the sun.. It's untameable, even straightened it tangles itself up again within a few hours. Sure as hell hope no employer is looking for neat combed hair if I apply. It has to be down as I look like a gaunt pin head with it up...I have a really small head.

My sister is good looking but looks AMAZING in pics... She is so photogenic.

I have a massive nose, people have asked if I'd have surgery for it! But it's a no, I like it and it makes me part of who I am. I think I look "striking"

Photos are the pits. You almost always look worse than in real life unless you do something to help - the camera freezes your face: you are NEVER like that in real life. So what's the harm in a little filter? I also really really recommend IT cosmetics Your Skin But Better CC Cream, which has a similar effect on your actual rather than virtual face. Also, when you are Zoom calling, raise your computer screen and tilt it DOWN on your face (as if you were taking a selfie from slightly above). Works wonders! BTW, so does red lipstick!

I feel for you, OP. Some people are photogenic, some are not. I'm definitely in the NOT category! I look absolutely hideous in photos. Perhaps you're the same.

OP, isn't there some sort of portrait photo software that subtly enhances the photo, smooths the skin, makes eyes a little brighter and bigger? Might be worth trying.

I have naturally curly, stubborn hair as well. For interviews I usually blow dry with heat protecor, run a straight iron over my bangs. Then I smooth the rest back with anti friz serum and put in a bun with a pretty clip. If my bangs get unruly I have some jeweled bobby pins I use to make me look more polished. It's a rare occassion that I can wear mine down for interviews, it has a mind of its own!

I remember my passport photo I had taken, coming up for 10 years ago now. It was so hideous I burst out crying. I'm in my fifties now and struggle with the way I look at this stage of the game. Ageing is bloody awful. I avoid having my photo taken and looking in the mirror. I can only sympathise

OP, most people look pretty ordinary. There are v few beauties around, and v few people who are truly unfortunate with their looks. Many of us aren't too happy with our appearance. I suggest you try to build your self esteem

I hate pictures of me, we have very few, my wedding was a lovely day apart from having pictures taken. I'm not pretty, I'm 2 stone over weight (despite trying to loose it), always have dark bits under my eyes, & then along comes covid & everyone's doing video calls, I absolutely hate them, luckily my 2 year old always wants to talk to whoever rings so I just point the camera to him. I often feel sorry for the people around me who have to look at me, at least I dont have to look at myself!

I am an ugly person. My nose looks like a droopy willy, my lips are so thin that they disappear if I don't smile, my face has sort of collapsed and my eyes are the colour of pooh and one has the habit of wandering to the side to get a good look at my willy-nose.

This made me laugh! You may have a willy-nose but you're very funny so who cares

I bet you are beautiful. You sound lovely and beauty oozes out of lovely people.

@MiaMarshmallows
Google some famous good looking people when they are snapped at the shop or getting a McDonald's they can look horrendous! Because we think they are perfect but it's hours of make up hair, lighting and posing. Very few are natural. A good photo is a skill. I laugh how bad my own family And kids look in photos because when I tell them to smile it's just fake. The snile and beauty I see when they are happy is hard to replicate in a photo and can't be faked well.
My husband works in a garage and a Instagram model women came in, they all thought she was ugly and couldn't believe it was the same person in real life compare to the photos