To be horrified at how ugly I look

[MiaMarshmallows]

In photos?
I am in my fifties now but I am in tears as to how ugly I look. Huge pointy nose, fat cheeks, lank hair, always look like I am gurning and just downright vile. Almost like a distorted photo when you change it to make yourself look awful. Well, I just do it naturally.
Trying to get a job and it requires a photo. Fat chance. They will be too busy laughing. 😐

Same. I've had random men in the street throughout my life go out of their way to laugh at me/ point out how ugly I am/bark at me because I'm a dog etc. Even had a little.kid shout out "urgh, look at HER!!!" in the middle.of a shop once whilst pointing straight at me. Every tries the usual "beauty's on the inside!" shit but it's just not true for me. I'm ugly, the world knows I'm ugly, no amount of make up has ever hidden that. I just live with it now.

You are not a photo - you are a person. I love 'real' faces that don't look like bland 'barbie'. Only scary/ugly faces I've ever seen have involved too much filler or fakeness. But there is definitely a 'trick' to looking good in photos - sadly I've not learnt it.

No advice also just solidarity.

Objectively I can look at myself and see that I am both fat & ugly. Clearly have a cracking personality though as I've got lots of pals and a great husband.

I try and limit the amount of mirrors in the house. I may have accepted my unconventional appearance but it doesn't make seeing it any easier

I feel your pain. I look terrible in photos, mainly cause I've got an eye problem, my right eye turns out quite badly. It used to turn it, but after two surgeries thats what happened. Also I am always anxious cause I hate having my photo taken. Have had to take photos of myself for lanyards at work etc, which I hate. If I go for profile shots I dont look that bad, but you can still tell. I compensate for how I look by trying to look stylish, I go by that quote by Iris Apfel "You're not pretty, and you'll never be pretty. But, it doesn't matter. You have something much better. You have style". I'm not sure if I fully believe it, but I do get compliments on my clothes and on my blue hair.

Have you considered getting a professional photographer to take the picture? I'm not conventionally attractive, and look hideously ugly in most photos, but I had a professional one done for work and I look quite normal in it.
I also agree that there's no such thing as an ugly person - in real time your personality shows through

Most people have their teeth fixed (I can't without surgery, time and £££), plenty of money can be spent on hair, contact lenses, clothes, make up, fillers, botox, SPF, good diet plastic surgery people do look better than they used to.
In short the visual gap between me and a lot of women around my age has got bigger over the years and this is evident in my photograph.

Infact, the fact that I have no nice pictures of me is the reason why I wont do Online Dating.

So I understand how you feel OP.

I put a colour on my hair then wear glasses. Seems to help. Most employers will be looking at your skills and experience surely.

@Acrasia

Try taking the photo and flipping it. I don’t like pictures of me, but I think that is because I am used to looking at my mirror image rather than what everyone else sees.

That is a really good idea!

I'm stunningly gorgeous in real life (🤣🤣) but look like the back end of a bus in photographs.

I've no idea who that woman is who takes my place in photos, but I wish she'd stop it.

Luckily, I'm old enough to not give 2 hoots.

@MiaMarshmallows

For the photo try make up contour give your face definition and use John Frieda blow out spray and give yourself a bouncy blow dry and some new clothes

Same here OP.

I'm in my thirties but obese with just a crap face and prominent dark circles under my eyes.I think as women, we are taught that our value lies in our appearance and it's just not true.

Instead maybe focus on your other positive qualities?

youjustdo you

My personal favourite was ‘there’s a person who has given up on themselves - ewwww/shoot me if I get like that’

I live in the shadows. Far easier that way.

I hate that people worry so much about ‘beauty’, and by today’s standards it’s almost impossible to achieve without hair dye, fake tan, fillers, whiteners, braces, control underwear, fake eyelashes, hair extensions, filters, contouring, heels, hair removers, hours in a gym, nail varnish, etc. etc. We have been made to feel bad about ourselves for so long by newspapers, and magazines and Instagram that we no longer know who we really are any more. No more. I have rosacea, I don’t have legs up to my neck, I’m in my 50’s, and I am done with it. I am supposed to look like I’m in my 50s. It’s ok. I’m still lively, funny and vibrant. Everyone thinks they look shit on Zoom. Nobody does, and nobody notices because they’re still too busy looking at themselves.

It's that thing of hitting your fifties. I have a theory that many women look their worst in their fifties then regain their looks, shape and style in their sixties. I've seen it happen to so many friends. I went through a horrible pudding-shaped, gurning faced period from about 52-56.

It's just that we need to adjust how we get ready. Same make up and hair that worked for years no longer does.

A MN-er suggested Oreal elvive fibrology hair thickening shampoo and conditioner which helps give life to flat hair. So does rinsing it in water with a handful of Epsom salts dissolved into it.

Shape your brows and define them with a soft pencil or powder - that helps give structure to the face.

Lightweight foundation, tinted moisturiser or tanning drops help conceal redder cheeks. Plump up thinning lips by outlining them with a colour the same as your natural lip colour and then fill in with a long lasting lipstick and add a little gloss or balm on top.

I bother to do this even if I'm at home all day. It takes less than 5 mins and means if I catch a glance of myself in the mirror I don't look exhausted and lumpy. It lifts my spirits to see someone who looks like they take a bit of care.

You have my sympathies op. I look absolutely awful in pictures to the point it's become a laughing matter amongst my friends and family. Similarly awful on zoom/Microsoft teams etc. Saw a colleague in RL today and she exclaimed at how much better I look in RL!! Something about the camera doesn't work for me I look gawky awkward and quite frankly haggard. The tones of my skin that in RL look just a bit rosy look red and blotchy on screen. I know why on TV they need so much make up. I know very average looking RL people who look amazing on pics... It's a skill!

I hear you OP! Prior to lockdown I had no idea what I looked like. I never liked my face that much anyway but constant FaceTime and zoom meetings has me freaking out at how badly I’ve aged and how ugly I am.

I cannot comment on your looks but I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be horrified. Ageing is hard in a time when we see women in their 40s,50s and 60s look barely out of their teens being paraded around the media it’s hard not to compare.

I’ve no answers. Make up and positive thinking didn’t help me. Face masks however have been a blessing!

I ruined every photo I was in at my daughter's wedding. Bright red face, piggy eyes, no eyebrows - and this was with professional make up plastered on. I looked like I'd had a stroke. I felt utter despair when I looked through the album, I didn't realise I looked that grim.

@Spaceprincess

I can honestly say I have never looked at another person and found them hideous. Have you always felt like this? I'm sure you look fine like most people do.

I agree with this.

is really good at helping you update makeup. Takes forever but definitely worth doing exactly what she says for an important photo or interview. I've followed her faithfully about four times and every time people have been really complimentary. A couple of old friends who are less shy of being unsubtle just looked gobsmacked. It does really make you look ten years younger and glam, even if you usually look like a potato.

I know how you feel OP but I bet if spotted me some place you'd think "actually I'm not as ugly as I thought". Seriously, no joke. I just avoid mirrors and try to smile more because luckily (so far) my teeth look decent.

The “beauty comes from within” line is always a bit of a cliche, but think about it in a different way...

There is no doubt that you know people who are not attractive. but once you get to know them, does it actually matter?

If a person is stunningly beautiful and a horrible person, their personality will, over time, take over, and the more you get to know them, the less you notice them. The same applies the other way around.

I am ugly, I have been told I am ugly. However, I am also blind and am therefore unable to see myself in the mirror.

If people refuse to engage with me because of my looks then that says far more about them than it does about me.

If people really are incapable of looking past someone’s exterior and getting to know the actual person then they are the ones with issues, not the person with looks they question.

You will never see yourself 'properly' in the mirror...people you barely see you will have seen your actual face more than you. But ALSO remember, the face you see in the mirror that you are so accustomed to, is pretty much the face THEY see! They are used to it and their brains accepted it like your brain accepts your face.

You and others who both look at your photo will be seeing different faces. You will think UGH but they will think OOH GORGEOUS!!