To be horrified at how ugly I look

[MiaMarshmallows]

In photos?
I am in my fifties now but I am in tears as to how ugly I look. Huge pointy nose, fat cheeks, lank hair, always look like I am gurning and just downright vile. Almost like a distorted photo when you change it to make yourself look awful. Well, I just do it naturally.
Trying to get a job and it requires a photo. Fat chance. They will be too busy laughing. 😐

@Labobo

It's that thing of hitting your fifties. I have a theory that many women look their worst in their fifties then regain their looks, shape and style in their sixties. I've seen it happen to so many friends. I went through a horrible pudding-shaped, gurning faced period from about 52-56.

It's just that we need to adjust how we get ready. Same make up and hair that worked for years no longer does.

A MN-er suggested Oreal elvive fibrology hair thickening shampoo and conditioner which helps give life to flat hair. So does rinsing it in water with a handful of Epsom salts dissolved into it.

Shape your brows and define them with a soft pencil or powder - that helps give structure to the face.

Lightweight foundation, tinted moisturiser or tanning drops help conceal redder cheeks. Plump up thinning lips by outlining them with a colour the same as your natural lip colour and then fill in with a long lasting lipstick and add a little gloss or balm on top.

I bother to do this even if I'm at home all day. It takes less than 5 mins and means if I catch a glance of myself in the mirror I don't look exhausted and lumpy. It lifts my spirits to see someone who looks like they take a bit of care.

I 'get' this. I am 53, and right up to 45-46, I looked 5-7 years younger. So at 46 I could pass for 39 on a good day. Then I hit 47-48, and looked 50-52. So I seemed to age 10-12 years in 2 years!!! In fact, at 45, I had several people guessing my age as 37-38, then when I was 48, I was invited to an over 50s club by someone!

Anyway, since 48, (5 years ago,) I haven't changed much, and still look like I am in my early 50s! It's a bit of a relief, as I was quite upset at how someone thought I was over 50, when I was only 48. I had been so used to people thinking I was 7-8 years younger, that it was a shock to the system!

Also, several women I know who are 60-62-ish, still look the same as they did 8-9 years ago. And I met a woman at the hairdressers some months back who looked 55-ish, and she was 63!

So I am hopeful that I won't age a decade in 2 years again til I'm at least 70!!! 😂

I feel your pain OP.

I used to be quite good looking but since the dreaded M have turned into a gargoyle.

My passport ran out 4 years ago. I haven't renewed it due to the need for a current photo.

Get that camera away from me!

I’m the same. Not just ugly,circus ugly. This is why I have no mirrors in my house. I cut my own hair as the thought of sitting in front of one scares me to death

I've sort of promised myself to get a professional picture of me and each of the children plus dh so in the event of my sudden demise they'll have something decent to look at.

I bet you look just like loads of other 50 year olds. When I was in my twenties I hated how i looked and now when I look at photos of me then all I see is a youthful girl who wasted so much time and energy worrying about being fat and ugly. I have lost some good friends who didn't make 50 so please shoulders back, smile and take on each day. Don't be a 70 year old looking back at your 50 year old self wondering why you wasted so much time.

I feel like you (I’m in my 50’s). Luckily I have great skin (atm - The Ordinary products are amazing).

I took some photos to add to my Skype profile at work (didn’t have to). When I was trying to find the best one I was horrified to see my dm staring back at me

I eventually found one where I didn’t have a double chin, half closed eyes, look as though I was drunk etc.

Trinny Woodall is 57 in Feb, she looks amazing her neck & face, no sagging or lines & could pass for 30s. Botox & laser the answer?

Some people look shit in photos. Not everybody has a classical symmetrical beautiful face. You probably haven't got any chance to be a model.

People see you in real life, they hear your voice, your face is changing constantly with all your expressions. So no, I guarantee you people don't find you ugly.

To be honest, it goes both ways, you get used to people around you. If you are friend with an absolute stunner, you won't really notice it after awhile. You'll notice her clothes and body more usually.

Work on your body - anyone can look nicely toned with a bit of effort, your make-up, haircut and your clothes: fitting you well (dress for your shape!), with the right colour.

Nothing wrong with caring about your physical appearance, it's you! but you come as a package, not a fixed face taken at the wrong angle in the wrong light.

This is not what you're asking about but who asks for a photo with a job application! That's so old fashioned.

OP, I hear you, everybody is assuming you're depressed or that you've got body dysmorphia. Some people are perfectly sane but aren't oil paintings. I think REFUSING point blank to hear somebody's concern that they aren't attractive is a bit abusive.

You don't owe it to the world to be attractive though.

Hope you find a job soon.

@TartanTexan

Trinny Woodall is 57 in Feb, she looks amazing her neck & face, no sagging or lines & could pass for 30s. Botox & laser the answer?

Trinny looks fab, but she really does not look natural - not a bad thing at all, but it's obvious she's having things done.

Most of us have our hair done, why not our face? No one wants a truly "natural" look, unwashed and unkept. Imagine the state of teeth when you leave them "natural". Even a regular polish makes a difference

Look at photos on LinkedIn, not many are "natural"

Don't go overboard with a ridiculous filter, but right angle and a quick tweak of the light will work wonder.

Unless it's a mug shot, no need to give a profile pic, your nose will be fine.

Just saw this on Instagram. Don't know how to link, so . . .

"Just saw a girl saying that when you take a picture of the moon or the sunset and it doesn't look as good as in real life you don't think "the sky is actually ugly" you know that the camera isn't fully capturing the beauty - and you should feel the same about selfies "

When I read this I thought of your post I had read earlier today.

Definitely don't go the Trinny route. She looks ridiculous. I'm amazed that people are actually advising you to look at her for inspiration wtf? She doesn't even look like herself.

Taking a good photo takes practice. Just try a whole bunch of different ones, see what's the best of a group, and then do more of whatever seems to be working well.

You should treat yourself to some hair products that makes your hair feel a lot better.

And you'll be fine! Nobody is going to be laughing.

Oh, and lighting is key!

glas14368
I love that thought.

OP I used to be fairly good looking, but due to circumstances outside my control this is now not the case. I am probably one of a small group of people who is glad these days to wear a mask in public.
However, people I have met through work and life over the last ten years still treat me as a regular human, respect my opinion and laugh at my jokes, so I am reassured that beauty in most cases really is only skin deep.

I have genuinely never met a woman who I thought was "hideous". Never. I have met women who I thought could do with a haircut and a tidier appearance. But never "ugly" and "hideous". It's all in your head.

The actor’s trick is to turn your face to the left, then just move your eyes back to centre and give a massive smile. They’ll be so taken by that they won’t care about the rest. Go for it!!

I’m sure you’re not hideous OP!

I started a thread a while ago about looking terrible in photos. I’m ok looking, was definitely more attractive in my 20’s and 30’s but in a photo I look different I think.
I’ve asked my family if I look the same in photos and they all agree I do look different.
Also when you look in the mirror, that is not the face you have during the day. It’s a snapshot of analysis, not day to day life.
As someone said above I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as hideous as you describe yourself.

OP, I bet that you thought you were monstrous when you were 25. What do you think of 25 year old you now?

Thanks everyone. Feel a bit better now and will try the photo again tomorrow with all the new tips I have read on here.
It is hard as most women I know are gorgeous. I just look hideous next to them and also have a weird look about me which I can't really explain.
Even at my age I have to remind myself that women like JLO and Kylie have off days as well and probably don't always look so great.
Its just embarrassing to be physically ugly. I am luckier than most but I really am a very ugly woman indeed.

Thanks again for your kind words.

@MiaMarshmallows

Thanks everyone. Feel a bit better now and will try the photo again tomorrow with all the new tips I have read on here. It is hard as most women I know are gorgeous. I just look hideous next to them and also have a weird look about me which I can't really explain. Even at my age I have to remind myself that women like JLO and Kylie have off days as well and probably don't always look so great. Its just embarrassing to be physically ugly. I am luckier than most but I really am a very ugly woman indeed.

Thanks again for your kind words.

I don't believe you. I suppose it's theoretically possible, but if it is true, you'll be the only woman I've ever known who really was inherently hideous. Which is very different to being simply average looking like most of us, or not making the best of yourself.

I don't believe you.

I know some very attractive women who have serious and genuine insecurities about how they look like won’t leave the house unless in full make up . Permanent diet etc when they are naturally stunning but can’t seem to see it themselves

I also know probably more average looking women who think they are ugly and I can genuinely say that I will always see the best of them ! Iv had women say to me they would love to have my figure for example but then all I see when I look at them as an example would be how amazing their hair is and Wishing mine was like that .

Women are to hard on themselves

Anyway I don’t want to piss anyone off by minimising how they feel but genuinely another vote for never having met a hideous looking woman in my life

The way you talk about yourself sounds like internalised judgement of your looks not fact. As PPs say, it's incredibly rare to meet someone who is actually ugly.

Oh I can’t relate but I also know that I probably think I look worse than I do.

I had to have my new work ID photo done not long ago and because of Covid we had to send a photo in for the new card. Well I used a filter that included thinning my face, smoothing my skin and I took it from above probably terrible for security as it looks fuck all like me lol