Would DH be unreasonable to split his time with his DC?

[Beabfl]

I have two children with DH (toddler and pre-schooler) and he has three older children from a previous relationship ages 7.5 - 10.

Due to circumstances beyond our control we lost our home and have found ourselves having to live in a one bedroom studio type flat on a temporary basis. This could be for 6 months or it could be 12+

This flat consists of two main rooms, the living/kitchenette area which is one space and then one bedroom.

To be truthful it is suffocating, for both us and the kids. 5 children being crammed into one room to eat/sleep/play in is just not sustainable.

It gets overwhelming for everybody, not just the adults.

DH came up with the suggestion that he have the boys come on one day and then his girl the following day, considering they won't be in school for the foreseeable.

Do you think it's unreasonable or a fair suggestion?

You need to speak to women's aid and to shelter. If you're the poster I think you are then you absolutely have a case for emotional abuse by your partner.

Taking on completely unsuitable housing was a mistake. At the very least you should tell your partner you won't be renewing the lease with your name on it then you will be able to present to the council as homeless (or at least that's my understanding - pls do check).

Please don’t take up Women’s Aid’s fabulous services unless you genuinely feel you are the victim of abuse. There are always abused women trying to get through whose calls can’t be answered and it is under extra pressure during lockdown. I’ve seen women arrive at refuge with horrible injuries. People really need to be able to get through. OFC, if he is abusive, go ahead.

To me, he sounds like a hopelessly disorganised, conflict-avoidant, routine-dependant aspie, and some of my favourite people are hopelessly disorganised, conflict-avoidant, routine-dependant aspies, but they don’t make the best life partners. I can quite see how he has got himself stuck in this useless belief pattern, but budging him will be nearly impossible, if he is as he sounds, and you sound tired.

To me, he sounds like a hopelessly disorganised, conflict-avoidant, routine-dependant aspie, and some of my favourite people are hopelessly disorganised, conflict-avoidant, routine-dependant aspies, but they don’t make the best life partners. I can quite see how he has got himself stuck in this useless belief pattern, but budging him will be nearly impossible, if he is as he sounds, and you sound tired.

Bang on the money, that's exactly it.

I'm not a victim of deliberate emotional abuse so I don't think my circumstances are something W.A can or should help with. Although, the way he is can make a partner feel emotionally and practically neglected.

I'll have a chat with current landlord, and to answer a PP's question no he isn't aware that there are 7 people sleeping here occasionally.

I think splitting the time will make it worse. It will just seem even more crowded on more days of the week.

I don’t think you should drop the time you have either as you don’t have them that much anyway.

Can your partner get a loan for the deposit on a new place?