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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moral obligation to have the vaccine. Is one of us being selfish?

153 replies

FLOrenze · 04/01/2021 10:37

We are in our mid 70s and are both very fit. We have strictly observed the rules from the beginning. The on-line calculator says we should be due for the vaccine in February.

DH says he won’t have it yet so that someone further down the line can be vaccinated. I think we have a moral obligation to vaccinate.

His view is that we we only go to the supermarket, we wear masks and wash our hands. I think that even though we have minimal chance of catching the virus he should protect me before others.

OP posts:
user1497207191 · 04/01/2021 11:08

He need to have it so that he doesn't take up NHS resources if/when he catches covid. I'm sure he doesn't want to be left to die waiting for an ambulance or on a trolley in a hospital ward.

oneglassandpuzzled · 04/01/2021 11:10

My mother’s 84-year-old neighbour only went to the supermarket with mask etc.

She’s on oxygen in hospital with COVID. She’s older than you but was very fit and active.

AndcalloffChristmas · 04/01/2021 11:11

Yanbu

Older people need to have it as they are more likely to go into hospital and take up a bed. That’s the main reason they are going first, not the gov being kind to the elderly!

Haffiana · 04/01/2021 11:12

He needs to take the vaccine because the NHS need him to.

It isn't just for him, it is for everyone else who may need a hospital place.

Branleuse · 04/01/2021 11:12

theyre giving it first to the people who are more likely to need hospitalisation if they do get it, so hes saving noone by refusing

mocktail · 04/01/2021 11:14

It's all very well saying he doesn't need it now because he's behaving very carefully, but what if he ends up in hospital for an unrelated reason? Suddenly he'd be very vulnerable to infection - a lot of people have caught coronavirus in hospital.

ProudAuntie76 · 04/01/2021 11:17

I’m a nurse (working in a nursing home) who is due to have mine this week and I’ve stopped telling friends I’m having it as I’ve repeatedly been told “it’s not fair as it will mean someone more vulnerable can’t have it”. I’ve also had colleagues saying “it doesn’t sit right with me” that we are getting it. I have to keep pointing out that we need to look at who we are protecting by taking the vaccine. As well as our patients, several of our colleagues or people we live with are CEV. Some of us have children at school and we are working in high risk jobs. It’s very frustrating! We are repeatedly being told “if you are offered the vaccine you MUST take it”.

Your husband could need hospitalised for another reason unexpectedly and contract Covid in hospital and never come out. That’s the reality. We don’t know what is in front of us. People are catching it in supermarkets (18% of new cases are coming from supermarket transmission according to govuk statistics). He is making the NHS’s job harder by refusing the vaccine. They will have to follow him up at a later date. Creating double the workload. He’s not helping anyone by refusing it. Just creating more pointless work!

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 04/01/2021 11:17

If he does catch it (which is very very possible) he would be highly likely to take up resources that might mean e.g. a younger man with cancer is unable to access life-saving care. Best thing he can do for others is trust the process and recognise that getting vaccinated will have a big knock-on impact on others. This is about protecting the health service as a whole, not about just his life.

howrudeforme · 04/01/2021 11:18

I’ve heard quite a few elderly think that the younger people should get the vaxx first.

Nice thought, but not helpful. He should have it, but perhaps he’s actually scared? My dm was called before Christmas and she was watching a news report regarding reactions to the vaxx. She freaked and turned it down as she didn’t feel ready. Few weeks on she’s desperately trying to get back into the system.

vanillandhoney · 04/01/2021 11:18

If you're being offered your vaccines next month, it's for a reason. He should have his vaccine.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 04/01/2021 11:18

It is an interesting one though. I bet many people in their 70s are at far less than someone in their 50s who is overweight and with various conditions.

singtanana · 04/01/2021 11:19

Costs time and money to reschedule. Quickest way is for everyone to make every effort to attend the appointment given.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 04/01/2021 11:20

His altruism is impressive.

On balance, it's better that he doesn't second-guess the expert opinion of the relevant public health bodies and his own GP.

Cotswolds10 · 04/01/2021 11:21

Agree with PP on the NHS argument. My aunt and uncle (in their 70s) both caught covid and the fitter of the two ended up in hospital on oxygen. They were astounded as they ‘only’ went to the supermarket, ‘couldn’t understand’ how they caught it. Thousands of people go in and out of these shops daily. And we know that hand washing and masks are not failsafe. So your risk may be small but it is still very real.

rookiemere · 04/01/2021 11:21

Take the vaccine. I've heard anecdotal stories about hospitals giving it to anyone who comes in as otherwise the doses will go out of date and have to be destroyed.

FindHungrySamurai · 04/01/2021 11:22

@mocktail

It's all very well saying he doesn't need it now because he's behaving very carefully, but what if he ends up in hospital for an unrelated reason? Suddenly he'd be very vulnerable to infection - a lot of people have caught coronavirus in hospital.
I agree. He may be social distancing perfectly in his day to day life, but at his age the chances of him needing in-patient or out-patient medical treatment for an unrelated matter is very high, and by the time he’s called in it will be too late for him to get the vaccine.
LexMitior · 04/01/2021 11:23

The country is about to lockdown again to protect older age groups. He should take the vaccine when offered. That’s the point - asking all age groups to stop their normal lives so the risks are limited to the older groups.

AnneOfQueenSables · 04/01/2021 11:24

It's not to protect you.
It's simply a matter of numbers and resources. As PPs have pointed out, in theory the vaccination makes him less likely to need a hospital bed which decreases the impact on the NHS and makes allocation more manageable.
I'd give him the facts but I wouldn't be trying to persuade him. He has to be comfortable with his choice.

doublehalo · 04/01/2021 11:25

If he doesn't want it he shouldn't have to have it.

If you want to bring morals into it then it's morally wrong of you to try to blackmail him into getting a medical treatment he doesn't want.

LemonTT · 04/01/2021 11:25

There is effectively a national queue that needs to keep moving for everyone to get their vaccine. If people want to get out of the queue that’s fine. They tell their GP practice they don’t want it and then they come off the call list. The queue moves forward.

But there isn’t a process that allows people to change places in the queue. In fact this is likely to cause the queue to stall as they try to complete a cohort before moving on. Which is why JVT was really clear that the best thing people can do is come forward when called. Basically it won’t be just your husband doing this there will be loads of people who won’t turn up and will expect the offer to fit around their life and plans.

If he doesn’t take up the call offer and refuses it. Then he can book into a mass site at some point or he might be called again in any mopping up exercise. Maybe we’ll into next year.

user1497207191 · 04/01/2021 11:28

@doublehalo

If he doesn't want it he shouldn't have to have it.

If you want to bring morals into it then it's morally wrong of you to try to blackmail him into getting a medical treatment he doesn't want.

Which is all fine as long as he is prepared to take the risk of not getting treatment if he does catch covid.

That's the trouble with a lot of older folk. They play the "I don't need help" card, but then people around them have to put themselves at risk etc when they catch covid, or fall in the ice, or whatever stupid thing they have done to themselves, because the people around them aren't just going to ignore them when they need help, are they?

GypsyLee · 04/01/2021 11:30

It's up o him I'm afraid.
I won't be having it either, as I'm not prepared to be a guinea pig.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/01/2021 11:31

@mocktail

It's all very well saying he doesn't need it now because he's behaving very carefully, but what if he ends up in hospital for an unrelated reason? Suddenly he'd be very vulnerable to infection - a lot of people have caught coronavirus in hospital.
A lot of people who are tested on admission to hospital turn out to be already positive but asymptomatic. This is more likely than them catching it in hospital.
AcornAutumn · 04/01/2021 11:31

@FLOrenze

Thank you. I feel more in a position to defend my position now I can use the protecting the NHS argument. Secretly I thought he was a little arrogant in his assumption.
I think he is kind

My ECV cousin would get it that bit faster.

That said, no one will be released from prison so there's that - what difference does it make in that way? None.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 04/01/2021 11:31

@GypsyLee

It's up o him I'm afraid. I won't be having it either, as I'm not prepared to be a guinea pig.
You think it's still at the guinea pig stage?