To feel frustrated with work colleague with mental health issues

[Triptraptrip]

I work in a school with young children. I’m asked to come in early (7am) - along with a colleague to run a breakfast club. Most children come in at 7, and there are about 25 children in the club. My colleague suffers from mental health issues, and struggles to get in for 7 - or doesn’t make it at all. If she does make it, she hasn’t eaten before she comes in - so makes her own breakfast and sits on a gym horse in the corner of the hall and eats. I’m struggling because I have 25 children to look after - which involves speaking to parents, settling them, helping them manage their belongings, helping them make their breakfast, eat, registering them, keeping the calm and happy, clearing up the breakfast things - putting the tables away (quite heavy) and I’m pregnant. I can’t really say anything as I don’t want to upset her as her mental health is fragile. I’m feeling increasingly frustrated, and I’m not sure what I can do? Thank you.

Is she being paid to work? If so she clearly isn’t pulling her weight at all, you can’t carry on carrying her. Put your health first. Her issues are not yours, but they are affected you.

[quote Triptraptrip]@lovelemoncurd thank you. I have spoken to my line manager, and I’ve been told to phone if any problems (there is a phone in the hall) - but as it’s early, other members of staff aren’t around - or if they are, they have their own things to do.[/quote]
Then you have to tell them that when it is suggested as the appropriate course of action.

“Phoning is not helpful because no one answers and it means that nobody is supervising the children at all while I am waiting on the phone.”

Put this in writing, OP, and flag the health and safety risks, both to the kids and to your health.

You need to talk to your manager. This is not acceptable behaviour in a colleague. And keep a record. I agree that if something happened as a result of you having too many children to look after. Would it be you or your colleague sitting in a corner eating her breskfast

But there is a reason you're feeling negative OP. If she's picking up on how you're feeling and still not doing anything about it then she doesn't care.

If your manager has said phone, but that is not effective ie they don't even answer, then you need to escalate it. Find out who is their manager, and tell them "I have been told to phone if there are issues but this is not working"
If you feel this is sneaky or alarmist, then say to your immediate manager (the one who told you to phone) "can you advise me who is the contact if I cannot get you on the phone? I need to be able to tell someone if this does not work".
Anything in a school based setting functions within a rigid hierarchy of management, so use it. The school cannot just offer a breakfast club as a parent pleaser, they have to actually manage the thing. You might find taking it higher will make a really big difference.
People cannot step in though if they do not now about it.

Another suggestion is to speak to the school business manager, if you know who that is. If they feel the club is not running well then it might affect revenue, in which case they'll jump for you.

Can you frame it as you need more help? Then you're not complaining about her directly but when the head asks why you're struggling you can say you are working alone and there is no pattern to when your colleague turns up/helps. If anything were to happen to any of these children - god forbid - they certainly wouldn't be slow in saying you should have spoken up. Can you imagine if you had e.g. a child with a broken bone & had to accompany them to hospital? What would happen to the other 24 children if your colleague hadn't turned up. It's not safe and it would be you it fell back on. Also, they should be grateful to you for highlighting these issues before you go away on maternity leave and they have parents trying to drop off to an empty hall.

@lovelemoncurd

No being told to phone if problems isn't dealing with it. The manager needs to see for herself and speak to the lazy moo!

Honestly! I can't stand these work shirkers. I feel for you.

This. Can you go further up the management structure, during the day? This is completely unacceptable for you

State your case as you have in your opening thread.
It's to the point and it's the truth.
Your manager needs to know this so she can deal with it head-on and appropriately.
Personally I think she's lazy and manipulating you and so far it's been working.

Not RTFT, but if you are pregnant, have you had a recent Risk Assessment for your job? Sometimes this leads to temporary changes to duties to protect you, eg no lifting, especially not on your own. (Are the tables on wheels?) That would provide an opportunity to raise the issues.

If she’s unable to do her job due to her illness there’s a capability issue that needs addressed. They need to have her on duties she can do and have someone else helping you, for both your sakes.

Please speak to your manager.

"I’ve been told to phone if any problems (there is a phone in the hall)"

Er, no - the Whole Situation is a problem, and not one you should have to manage in the moment.

I think you need to work to rule on this one.

OP I really sympathise as I had a very similar problem some years ago with a colleague that I had to "carry" due to her "health" problems. It very much impacted on my family life as to complete the days work made me stay later than my hours and I would not be home in time for my young SN's DC's returning from school!
My view is that if you're consistently not well enough to do your job as normally then you should be signed off sick or have an arrangement with management to do phased/reduced working hours.
Unfortunately in my case my colleague and the manager were best buddies and I was told that I was being unsympathetic! and I ended up looking the baddie.
The reality was that she was also a lazy so and so and whilst I would do it she took advantage, as far as I was aware she never sought any treatment or saw a doctor regularly with her problems, When she had days off sick and I had assistance we would get finished way before me allotted hours.
I would suggest you call in sick and let your replacement see the difficulties you are having with her. Its a very unsafe situation and you should not be solely responsible for all those DC's.
Hopefully your line manager is more sympathetic.

In my situation I got another job, as I could see no way out, hopefully you won't have to go that far!

I do wonder if I’m the problem, and if I’m not particularly pleasant to work with. I’m worried that I give off bad vibes because I’m feeling stressed. I don’t want to upset her when she’s feeling low.

Please don't blame yourself, this is not your fault. I'm sorry she is having issues but this is not your problem to manage and the school are taking advantage of you.

Start texting when she isn't there and document everything and keep raising with the school.

A MH issue that means she can't get to work on time? confused

I know plenty of people whose meds mean they would seriously struggle to get anywhere that early. So the illness itself may not stop them but the side effects of the drugs might.

The employer needs to step in though.

We had someone like this previously. The moment work got tough (expected and planned), this colleague started flagging their mental health issues with the whole team, signed off with stress and, very conveniently, came back the week after we sorted out everything and the workload was back to normal again.
Some people are arseholes that way OP. Deal with it via right processes and you will sort out what looks like a long term headache.

Can you not just say to her leave your breakfast and help? You have already said to your manager I'd just confront her now and say can you give me a hand with these tables etc. I don't understand why your tip toeing round her.

She is taking advantage of your good nature.

I would absolutely escalate this up to your manager. Make an appointment to see him/her after club one morning.
There are massive safeguarding issues here. Then there are H&S implications for you. Then we move onto occupational health matters regarding her assimilation back into her working role. Then we take a minute to look at the quality of the service you are offering, you are in loco parentis - you are expected to care and protect, to demonstrate good practice to assist young children in learning to eat properly, share, clean up.

And then we get to people being paid an hourly rate but doing sweet FA for it. With all due respect to anyone with MH problems, and in the knowledge that most of you would engage wholeheartedly with your management in moving forward - you can either do your job, or your job need modifying in terms of hours, tasks, manpower, or you need to do another job. You should be having to support her to do her job, not support her to opt out in the corner.
She should not be bringing in/eating her own food as that is a covid risk presently and if she is then it should be eaten during her scheduled breaks away from the children, and if she is eating school food then she needs to be sitting amongst the students supervising and engaging with them.

Mental health issues may be the reason for your coworker's poor attitude and performance, but they are not an excuse. Please call every time and put in writing your concerns. Also the system clearly isn't working as parents are just showing up. The school needs to sort that out to keep the numbers within limits. If anything were to happen when they have two people looking after 25 kids, one who is pregnant, and one who has a recognised illness, that may limit their abilities to some degree, they would be in very hot water. As an aside, have you had a risk assessment? You shouldn't be lifting heavy items while pregnant and they shouldn't expect you to do so. How are they going to manage when you're on maternity leave if they cannot properly facilitate the breakfast club now?

You are doing both of your jobs and she gets a free breakfast. Complain every single time OP.

A huge thank you to everyone. Writing it all down, and seeing your responses has really helped clarify what I should do. It’s the children’s health and safety - and I’m wondering if I’m in my rights to say I will not start the breakfast club until two members of staff are present. I do think things will change if parents start complaining. And I was also speak to my line manager.

It’s my second pregnancy. There was no risk assessment for my first. My last pregnancy I remember moving benches for an assembly when a (different!) member of staff hadn’t arrived. There is an incredible amount of pressure in a private school to please parents in order to keep the school running successfully as a business. I think I’m liked - and praised a lot by senior management, as I tend to be adaptable. But it’s turned me into a bit of a people pleaser. I need a risk assessment!

Put in writing and keep putting in writing until somebody does something about it!

She's an idle, manipulative dumbass. Dont let her take advantage of your tolerant and kind nature.