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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel frustrated with work colleague with mental health issues

126 replies

Triptraptrip · 04/01/2021 05:56

I work in a school with young children. I’m asked to come in early (7am) - along with a colleague to run a breakfast club. Most children come in at 7, and there are about 25 children in the club. My colleague suffers from mental health issues, and struggles to get in for 7 - or doesn’t make it at all. If she does make it, she hasn’t eaten before she comes in - so makes her own breakfast and sits on a gym horse in the corner of the hall and eats. I’m struggling because I have 25 children to look after - which involves speaking to parents, settling them, helping them manage their belongings, helping them make their breakfast, eat, registering them, keeping the calm and happy, clearing up the breakfast things - putting the tables away (quite heavy) and I’m pregnant. I can’t really say anything as I don’t want to upset her as her mental health is fragile. I’m feeling increasingly frustrated, and I’m not sure what I can do? Thank you.

OP posts:

Brefugee · 04/01/2021 09:00

ask for a mobile phone number for someone.
And get your line manager to sort you out a colleague who doesn't put the children's safety in jeopardy - that is your manager's job regardless of your colleague's MH status.

An0n0n0n · 04/01/2021 09:02

Email and copy head and say that as discussed you will start phoning each time but given the limited support she is that you are worried whether the children woll be safely supervised in that time.

And let them.lnow about pregnancy.

Then then make those calls every single time. Make it your managers problem. And if necessary turn the extra parents away- management will soon listen if it comes from their mouths.

You may start getting morning sickness and exhaustion soon and will need a reliable colleague and a manageable workload of children.

Bottomline is that they will keep using you as a mug for as long as they can get away with it.

lazylump72 · 04/01/2021 09:04

also as a side issue by you running yourself ragged all it is doing is enabing her to ontinue with her behaviour...think of yourself please OP.

Brefugee · 04/01/2021 09:10

also, even when not pregnant, you shouldn't be moving heavy tables around on your own. That's a health and safety issue.

In your shoes I'd ask for mobile numbers so you can text, and I'd send email follow up every day with a summary of how breakfast club went.

What would happen if you just went "oi, mate, this table won't move itself!" and make her help you?

GoldenLabbie · 04/01/2021 09:15

This is nothing to do with mental health issues. She’s a lazy cow who’s taking the piss. I’m tired of people using mental health issues as an excuse for poor behaviour, I’ve struggled for years but it’s never hindered my ability to do my job.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 04/01/2021 09:15

None of this is your fault, OP. Stop taking any of the blame! It is totally your line manager’s responsibility. Also your lazy colleague’s — but that’s for your line manager to cope with, not you.

gamerchick · 04/01/2021 09:15

I'd be making her help you. Upset the apple cart, let her kick off with her fragile state of mind.

Tell her to get off her arse and help, give her tasks to do.

The more you let her the more she'll do itm let her complain and if they gets nowhere, tell them they need to find someone else to take your place.

speakout · 04/01/2021 09:16

*I’ve struggled for years but it’s never hindered my ability to do my job.

Good for you.

Others are not so fortunate.

ThirtyTwo1988 · 04/01/2021 09:18

Make a note of all the times you have called, including those where you have been unsuccessful in getting a response. Provide the list to your line manager, evidencing the lack of support you have. Ensure they know this isn't sustainable. Make it clear it isn't safe. It's important to use wording that will trigger a response.

OverTheRubicon · 04/01/2021 09:21

If she's not well enough to do her job, your employers need to either put in reasonable adjustments for her or if that is not practically possible despite best efforts, she needs to be signed off.

You clearly tend to put others first, and that is kind to a point but actually you need to see this as children actually being at risk right now. If anything were to go wrong, she's no help. There is a reason for staffing requirements, and this is not safe.

Like others say:
Keep a log
Don't mention mh needs, just the situation
Mention safety concerns

They'll legally need to act to support you, her and the kids.

GoldenLabbie · 04/01/2021 09:22

@speakout

*I’ve struggled for years but it’s never hindered my ability to do my job.

Good for you.

Others are not so fortunate.

But that’s not the OP’s problem. If she’s struggling to cope then she needs to go and get herself signed off. It’s very unfair to be putting the OP in this situation because not only is she pregnant as has been pointed out by numerous posters this is also a safeguarding issue that the OP could end up getting into trouble over.

Berthatydfil · 04/01/2021 09:27

This is a safeguarding matter.
You may find you are responsible for any incidents as you are well aware that
She is often late leaving you in sole charge
She doesn’t perform her duties leaving you in sole effective charge
You must report this now and keep reporting it.

If something happens eg a child is hurt when you are there alone - and that requires investigation and you say that if wasn’t the first time that will backfire on you as you should have been reporting it every time. Also in her defense she could say she wasn’t made aware of the seriousness of the issue.

Yes it a shame your colleague has some mental health issues and her employers should be supporting her and that may mean she is taken off breakfast club duties if she can’t manage early morning - but that is for her employers to manage not you.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 04/01/2021 09:29

@speakout

*I’ve struggled for years but it’s never hindered my ability to do my job.

Good for you.

Others are not so fortunate.

Quite. If it’s possible for her to switch duties that might be the best solution.

Depending on what medications she’s on issues with mornings are well known. It can’t stay as it is OP, because it isn’t fair on you, but the school should be able to sort something.

Also, don’t take her being aloof as not liking you. If the MH sues/ meds are the problem, it’s quite possible she’s not really functioning at that time of day even if she is up and about.

speakout · 04/01/2021 09:31

I don't disagree. I am pointing out that poor mental health can have a huge imapct on work life.
It's not so simple as knuckle down and get on with it.
Yoi are able to manage your mental health and avoid too much impact on your work.
Many are not so fortunate.

Potatoespuds · 04/01/2021 09:36

You absolutely must speak to someone. Mental health issues or not your colleague just simply not turning up or not helping isn’t right. I’ve ran breakfast clubs and childcare services before and I know how stressful it is when you have to greet and settle in children as well as serve breakfast, keep them all happy and deal with any extra incidents. It’s just not fair to you.

As a side note your actually very vulnerable if your colleague does not turn up. What if there was an accident or something? You really should not be alone. First thing I was taught was never be alone with children in any form of childcare.

contrmary · 04/01/2021 09:42

Bring your manager solutions, not problems. In practical terms how do you want the problem to be resolved? ("Make her turn up on time" is not a solution by the way, it's just another way of phrasing the problem.)

TheSilentStars · 04/01/2021 09:53

@contrmary

Not the OP's job to find solutions. The OP simply needs to inform the manager that there are many children effectively being put at risk because somebody else is not doing the job they are being paid to do. The managed is paid to find the solutions to that situation.

TitOfTheIceberg · 04/01/2021 09:59

Agree with all the other posters that this is a safeguarding/safety issue and needs to be detailed in a factual, unemotional 'here are the risks and possible worse case scenarios that could arise from this current situation' email.

She's pulling everybody's leg isn't she?

A MH issue that means she can't get to work on time?

Potentially, yes. Even if you've never experienced this yourself, or lived with someone who has, it doesn't take a wild leap of imagination or empathy to understand how some MH issues can be particularly bad in the morning...insomnia, medication taking a while to kick in or side effects being worse in the morning, struggling with hopelessness so it feels like there's no point in facing another day/getting out of bed are just a few of the possible reasons someone might face very real MH-related challenges getting in for an early start.

thosetalesofunexpected · 04/01/2021 10:04

Hi Op
Your Post thread here
Sounds quite familiar have you done a previous thread on the same issue before ?

Yes totally get understand your frusterations
Have you mentioned your concerns to your work collegue?
If she is constanly does not do anything to improve be better work collegue
Then you will have to mention this to your work supervision
Its just not fair on you
And you definately should not be lifting up quite heavy Arkward tables around in your condition
This is obviously flies towards the face of health and safety regulations for employees in your condition..

I have only just joined on this post,Sorry if I have missed something else to this thread

wildraisins · 04/01/2021 10:13

@TheSilentStars

She's pulling everybody's leg isn't she?

A MH issue that means she can't get to work on time?

The ratio is also, as others have said, a Health &Safety issue (not safeguarding) Have you seen the Risk Assessment? There must be one and you could point out the terms of that as one adult dealing with that number of children isn't going to be one of them.

Mental health issues are well known to cause difficulties in the morning for various reasons.

This is not a very compassionate comment. You are making a huge assumption and this kind of attitude is part of the damaging culture that prevents people from actually talking about and dealing their mental health.

I suggest you do some research before posting about things you clearly know very little about.

TheSilentStars · 04/01/2021 10:15

You can do an AS on me if you like and read my own posts in MH.
I am also deputy safeguarding lead and as such I would want to know if this was happening in my own school.

BurMaMa2 · 04/01/2021 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bibliomania · 04/01/2021 10:27

Yes, write to your manager, cc'ing the safeguarding lead. Don't talk about the impact on you - talk about your concern that the school is not meeting it's legal obligations and should there be an accident, the likelihood that their insurance cover will be void.

HateLife21 · 04/01/2021 10:32

Not rtft, but... I voted YABU for not speaking up. She is being paid extra to come in early and supervise yet she is not turning up (late or not at all). Then there is the safeguarding aspect. Has a risk assessment been done for you re your pregnancy? If not this would be a good way to bring up the fact you're on your own in the mornings

speakout · 04/01/2021 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

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