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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel frustrated with work colleague with mental health issues

126 replies

Triptraptrip · 04/01/2021 05:56

I work in a school with young children. I’m asked to come in early (7am) - along with a colleague to run a breakfast club. Most children come in at 7, and there are about 25 children in the club. My colleague suffers from mental health issues, and struggles to get in for 7 - or doesn’t make it at all. If she does make it, she hasn’t eaten before she comes in - so makes her own breakfast and sits on a gym horse in the corner of the hall and eats. I’m struggling because I have 25 children to look after - which involves speaking to parents, settling them, helping them manage their belongings, helping them make their breakfast, eat, registering them, keeping the calm and happy, clearing up the breakfast things - putting the tables away (quite heavy) and I’m pregnant. I can’t really say anything as I don’t want to upset her as her mental health is fragile. I’m feeling increasingly frustrated, and I’m not sure what I can do? Thank you.

OP posts:

MimiDaisy11 · 04/01/2021 07:46

*minus the "not"

SmellyPooHead · 04/01/2021 07:49

Ultimately, if anything happens its on your shoulders
Put everying in writing referencing your previous conversations
Mark it as urgent
Your managers are paid to manage, it's not good enough to say phone if there's a problem, there is a problem, they need to deal with it now
Join a union too

RuggerHug · 04/01/2021 07:50

Get it all in writing and make sure you mention how unsafe it is for you and the children. Tell your manager you're not comfortable opening the doors until there's 2 of you there as it's unsafe. Unfortunately the idea of pissed off parents complaining is probably more of an issue for them.

adreamofspring · 04/01/2021 07:53

Well done for handling this all by yourself OP.

It’s not a mental health issue, it’s a safeguarding/risk issue. That’s the only way to pitch it to your boss. Either there is a better system, which takes into account your colleague’s attendance issues (and seemingly a real lack of understanding for what support 4 year olds need ), or something bad will happen.

Honestly, OP you’ll be doing everyone a favour. Don’t be the person that puts up with a bad system, goes on mat leave and then comes back to discover they’ve had to hire 3 people to replace you (I say that as the mug who did exactly that 10 years ago!!)

RosesAndHellebores · 04/01/2021 07:54

If her mh is such that she cannot get in for 7am, line management needs to put in place a reasonable adjustment. For example change the start time or the role and ensure you have support/ratios are appropriate at 7am. I think you just note that she isn't available at x time and it's impacting the safety if andcservice to the DC. Put the monkey firmly back on the line manager's shoulder.

MusicalTrifleMonkey · 04/01/2021 07:57

I’d be tempted to call I sick that day to be honest...or have an antenatal appointment. Either she would have to deal with it or someone else would see it. To be honest, you need to push your line manager harder on this. It isn’t safe and it is t fair on you. The only way things will change is if you keep making a fuss. Yes that’s rubbish, but you can be kind about it, maybe she shouldn’t be doing breakfast club if she cannot cops. Is she coping in the other aspects ta of her work? Does anyone know? Only you can fix this. Keep going back and say you can’t cope - you’re pregnant, you should t have to do this and the school should be supporting you

micc · 04/01/2021 08:04

Oh OP this sounds hard. Especially when pregnant, please take care of yourself.
I have mental health issues too, so I sympathise. But there has to be a line. Just like if someone was seriously injured, you cant expect them to the same things they did before. She needs to take some responsibility and realise she needs to focus on herself as its effecting the work place. Something similar happened where I work, there was a lady on the bar that was really going through a hard time. And i have no issues pulling her away for a chat here and there and letting her have the afternoon off. But she became erratic and would just run away crying without out telling anyone and we couldnt cover the bar or didnt know where she was. At the end of the day we run a business and her actions were effecting the business it was making our lives so much harder, I had done a 12 hours day and she just left, there was no one to cover and people waiting so I just finished her shift for the last few hours. It was fine but it wasnt the first time someone had to do that. We gave her a part time role out back while she got some help. Again even with that sometimes she didnt show up. But it took the pressure of us and her.
You need to speak to your manager asap. For yours and your babys sake you should not be putting away tables and dealing with 25 children. It's not safe for you for the children.

Porridgeoat · 04/01/2021 08:08

If you put the emphasis on the care given to the kids and parents it might help

Porridgeoat · 04/01/2021 08:10

Maybe she needs to do the after school club instead

skodadoda · 04/01/2021 08:17

@louderthan1

'Phone if there are any problems': there's a problem already, you are effectively doing the work of two people by yourself, with all the associated health and safety/insurance implications. If she isn't currently capable of doing the job due to health issues then she needs to be signed off by her doctor and cover put in place by your manager, just as it would be if she had a physical health issue. Your manager sounds shit! You need proper support here.

You know there’s a problem and you’re doing nothing about it so you could be held responsible if there’s an accident. Speak to the headteacher at once, put your concerns in writing and keep a record.

KitKat1985 · 04/01/2021 08:18

Ultimately if it means because of her mental health issues she can't perform in her job role, then her manager needs to have a serious chat with her about how they move forward. It is not reasonable to expect you to cover for her, or do most of the work for her, everyday.

strawberrymilkshakemonkey · 04/01/2021 08:19

this sounds awful OP. I'd be so stressed - what if you are ill? is it just you and the other staff member? in which case, if you are unable to get in, what happens?

also, even a 2:25 ratio isn't ideal with the age of the children you're describing. in registered childcare normally it's 1:8 recommended.

MaryLeeOnHigh · 04/01/2021 08:19

She struggles with breakfast club - maybe it’s the early morning, but I do wonder if it’s me! I think she’s very sensitive, and I’m not giving off great vibes - I know it! But as the other posters have said - it does come across as - and I don’t want to use the word - defiant, or even lazy. Clearly I’m wrong here, and I need to change my mindset

No, you are not in the wrong, and please stop thinking you are. You are coping in a very difficult situation without adequate help. Your employers need to have it spelt out to them that telling you to phone if there is a problem is simply not good enough, and that there are safety issues here which are potentially serious. Put it in writing, because you really need your back covered in case problems arise or parents complain.

tttigress · 04/01/2021 08:20

So her MH issues don't allow here to arrive on time or do much work, but she is able to give you rubbish advice that you are doing too much?

Maybe it is better for the line manager to get someone in that is 100% productive?

TheSilentStars · 04/01/2021 08:27

She's pulling everybody's leg isn't she?

A MH issue that means she can't get to work on time?

The ratio is also, as others have said, a Health &Safety issue (not safeguarding) Have you seen the Risk Assessment? There must be one and you could point out the terms of that as one adult dealing with that number of children isn't going to be one of them.

OvertiredandConfused · 04/01/2021 08:29

Have you talked to your colleague about the situation? Maybe at a different time of day you could have a gentle conversation and see if there is a way of making it work better for both of you.

That may be a ridiculous suggestion, or it may be beyond that, but could be worth a try. I do also agree that you need to be much more proactive in making the situation clear to your manager and put it in writing. Again, that can be done in a constructive rather than confrontational way.

Everyone may think that parents are being kept happy at the moment but it would only take one difficult parent or relatively minor mishap for the situation to be very different.

wildraisins · 04/01/2021 08:33

It's not a safe situation for you to be managing 25 children on your own. You need to be really up front with your manager and say it like it is. If your colleague has mental health issues that are impacting her ability to show up to work and do the job, then she should be off work. For the sake of the children if nothing else - it's not fair on them. Your manager needs to sign your colleague off and find someone else to stand in for her until she is better.

wildraisins · 04/01/2021 08:34

Also - how can you phone if there's a problem? If you're looking after 25 kids you can't exactly nip out to use the phone can you? I think your manager is not taking this seriously enough.

flattyres · 04/01/2021 08:35

do not phone over this but put things in writing. Always!!!

turnthebiglightoff · 04/01/2021 08:37

Who's going to do it when you're on mat leave, OP? Or when you're too big to run around after them all? Go sick. 2 days. That's all it will take!!

PuckleP · 04/01/2021 08:42

You really should tell your manager about being pregnant. They will need to do a personal risk assessment for you, but also they have a duty of care to you and your baby. This last bit is important as they can be held responsible if anything happens to either of you. I don't want to scare you but it is important. Oh and congratulations

ElinoristhenewEnid · 04/01/2021 08:46

I find with a lot of people who say or act that they are 'very sensitive' are actually 'selfish' - they want to do what they want to do and turn on the tears and tantrums when things don't go their way to manipulate people into not dealing with the situation because of the potential fallout.

nosswith · 04/01/2021 08:46

It should be managed not left up to you. Lateness should not be excused incidentally especially if it is a regular thing.

MaggieFS · 04/01/2021 08:53

Everything pp have said. This is a job in a business with obligations and responsibilities on all sides.

You need to be logging everything or they won't have the evidence to work with you colleague to come to an acceptable work solution for her. Is she also getting paid extra for this?

Separately you need to ensure safe practice for yourself during your pregnancy and they have an obligation to meet safe standards.

And finally, I think you absolutely have to turn away children who aren't registered if it's pushing numbers above safe limits. If parents have issues with this, it's not your problem. Yes, they need to be kept happy, but far more important is that the children are kept safe. It's not your decision to decide if you can manage or not. There are government set limits and you could end up in all sorts of trouble, as could the school, if something happened.

Cyberworrier · 04/01/2021 08:56

This: It’s not a mental health issue, it’s a safeguarding/risk issue

As others have said, texting or calling when there’s a problem is too late. You need to speak to your line manager and explain the situation. It is so unpleasant when there’s an atmosphere at work particularly in a primary setting, but from what you’ve said it’s pretty clear it’s the colleague who is bringing in her own issues. And you cannot afford to put up and shut up about it as ultimately you have a duty of care to the children and it will be you held responsible if something happens and you’re the only adult there.
I had a similar situation with a TA and spoke to the DH. Turned out she was behaving similarly in all duties, eg turning up on playground late so there weren’t enough adults, so she was spoken to about her time keeping. Obviously someone else needs to take over the breakfast club for her, maybe she could do after school care instead if she needs the money and isn’t a morning person.

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