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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to react to this...

129 replies

BurningRed · 02/01/2021 11:11

Hi MNers, I need your advice...

I uploaded a photo onto social media over the festive season in which I was wearing a skin coloured outfit.

The amount of comments I’ve had to deal with ‘what the hell are you wearing’ ‘how old are you’ publicly and also via DM’s was astonishing (including a message from a close family member basically telling me I am an embarrassment and need to act my age?!)

Outfit was a nude coloured bodycon dress. Nothing was exposed and there was a lack of skin showing.

It’s got me thinking about how best to respond to this. Should I delete these comments and ignore or challenge head on?

I am early 30’s and in good shape just for further info. Not that this should bloody matter.

Why do people think this is acceptable behaviour?

OP posts:
Original poster
BurningRed · 02/01/2021 13:12

Again, and for the last time - nothing else going on in the photo. I am stood, straight up, holding a cocktail glass smiling. No duck face.

The other photos were of my wedding day in Feb. The post wished everyone new year.

I did get some positive comments - similar to the above pp’s actually. But the first few were negative and as I said before, a close family member then thought it was acceptable to text me having a go also (I believe he was drunk and I shut him down straight away).

@Dawnlassie see my previous post. Smile.

Honestly, everyone is entitled to think what they want - I often see people wearing things that are horrific BUT I don’t go then posting comments underneath posts. It’s rude and bullying.

I have deleted the comments now and muted the people involved.

OP posts:
YouBoughtMeAWall · 02/01/2021 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/01/2021 13:16

Why don't you unfriend them rather than mute?

Dontstepinthecowpat · 02/01/2021 13:20

If you were my friend I would have thought better to say nothing than be unkind. However it does remind me of the time we were getting ready to go out for dinner with MIL and DH came upstairs to say ask me to say something to his mum about her dress, I was shocked as he never comments on people’s outfit choices. When I went downstairs she was wandering about in her ‘slip’ and hadn’t gotten dressed yet!

SantasBritchesSpelleas · 02/01/2021 13:21

@hadjab SantasBritchesSpelleas the same as anyone else’s?

People have lots of different reasons for posting pictures - to connect with absent friends/family, to gain 'likes', to gain followers, as a personal journal record (as the OP has since posted to explain she does), to gauge opinions on style and beauty ... 🙄

mcmooberry · 02/01/2021 13:22

If you looked anything like as good as the model in the pic then would assume they are jealous and move on. Early 30s is exactly the time to be wearing a dress like that, definitely change your profile pic to that as a PP suggested!

pelosi · 02/01/2021 13:23

@finkking

i mean look at this innocent snap
That looks photoshopped. Are you seriously posting this crap?
finkking · 02/01/2021 13:24

@arethereanyleftatall 😆

Sarahandduck18 · 02/01/2021 13:24

It’s misogyny pure and simple.

finkking · 02/01/2021 13:25

@pelosi 🥱

Franklyfrost · 02/01/2021 13:26

Were you at a New Years party with people outside your bubble? Maybe the comments were about that or their hostility is explained by that.

pelosi · 02/01/2021 13:27

[quote finkking]@pelosi 🥱 [/quote]
The women aren’t naked in that photo. What were your intentions for posting it?

WunWun · 02/01/2021 13:28

I don't understand, if they didn't think you're naked because it's different to your skin tone, what is wrong with it? It just looks like a normal dress to me? What am I missing?

OTannenbaum · 02/01/2021 13:33

Sounds like jealousy from some mean girls (and a drunk relative being a wanker). I’d kill to be able to wear a dress like that and look good but wouldn’t dream of tearing down someone who can. Even if I thought someone was dressing conpletely ridiculously I might think something in my head but there’s no need to say it, we all have different tastes. Just enjoy it and block those people!

scotsllb · 02/01/2021 13:34

Nothing but jealousy! Sounds like you look amazing. And your in your 30's you not too old for any kind of clothing yet!
These people are not your friends

finkking · 02/01/2021 13:34

@pelosi yes we know!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 02/01/2021 13:36

My dd wore an apricot dress to a 6th form function a few years ago. The male colleague who was the official photographer commented to me after that it wasn’t a good choice as it looked like she was naked. Yes I was fuming, yes he was a perv and no it wasn’t the first time he’d made comments about student’s clothes. I reported my concerns to the head but nothing was done. So this makes me cross on your behalf.

pelosi · 02/01/2021 13:37

@finkking so why imply OP’s pic isn’t ‘innocent’? A really odd view.

funinthesun19 · 02/01/2021 13:38

I don’t understand why grown adults make rude comments and think they’re fully justified in doing so. I always keep my opinions to myself unless I am asked.

funinthesun19 · 02/01/2021 13:38

Rude comments about someone’s appearance I mean

ElizaLaLa · 02/01/2021 14:17

How can it be nude/purple? Is it one of those that looks nude to some people but purple to others?

I really want to see it 👃

Cherrysoup · 02/01/2021 14:41

Was it FB friends who made negative comments? I’d unfriend them. I see nothing wrong if that was the type of dress and proper friends wouldn’t make negative remarks.

greeneyedlulu · 02/01/2021 14:47

If I had the figure to wear a dress like that I'd be wearing it for the school run, round aldi and probably to take the rubbish out!! Whoever commented is just mean and nasty and probably a tad jealous!!

littlepattilou · 02/01/2021 14:56

@ElizaLaLa

How can it be nude/purple? Is it one of those that looks nude to some people but purple to others?

I really want to see it 👃

The dress is on page 1. Around the 20th post in.
littlepattilou · 02/01/2021 14:56

@BurningRed

Basically this!

I’m smaller than the model, I have less boobs also.

Not sure what you being 'smaller than the model' has to do with anything. Confused

Also, it does look like you are wearing a petticoat/underslip. Not a very nice dress really. (IMO.)

However there was no need for people to be so rude. And it's silly to say you can't wear this in your 30s.

Maybe you should unfriend these 'friends.'