DS’s school to teach abstinence education

[Childsschool128]

DS goes to a normal state school but they have sent home a letter saying that their sex ed they will be teaching from next term will include:
-the benefits of having one lifelong monogamous partnership
-the risks of contraceptives
-the dangers of unprotected sex
-the benefits of not having sex in teenage years
-the health risks of sexual promiscuity.
DS is 15 (year 10) and there has never been any indication they were anything other than mainstream in the past. Is this really what is taught in UK schools nowadays DS is my eldest so I have never had to deal with anything like this before.

I am most concerned here about the risks of contraceptives here. That's neither an accurate nor a healthy message

In my NHS clinician days I looked after a young lady who had her leg amputated the week of her 20th birthday due to a blood clot in her leg. The clot was caused by short term use of oral contraceptives.

Blood clots from the pill not as uncommon as you think, so actually yes the risks should be discussed, especially when many boys/men leave the burden of contraception to the female

Teaching abstinence as a baseline is a very good thing, and about time too, with bells on!!!!!

Abstinence as a mainstay in sex education leads to higher teen pregnancy rates and higher sti rates.
Sex education that is more liberal in approach is linked with lower rates. In the end, I think we need to teach kids how to be safe when having sex but moreover about consent, self value and what good relationships look like.

You're spot on @covidaintacrime

It's my biggest struggle delivering sex education - not wandering away from the work set out to talk about my personal views on things like sex work because I feel with so much complex experience I do know better (that sounds arrogant but I hope you know what I mean).

Id be worried about the one lifelong realtionship part as surely this needs to be supplemented with what a healthy relationship is and why people shouldnt feel pressured to stay with that one special person if they are not happy/respected/safe.
Abstinence should be taught alongside other options otherwise it reduces the chances of teenagers opening up and seeking support from teachers if something has went wrong if sex is presented as a taboo activity that they were in the wrong to have had sex in the first place.

Risks of contraception I would hope just means a reminder that nothing is 100% effective and that unless it is a barrier method it will not prevent against STDs. However its presentation as a separate point from the risks of unprotected sex seems to suggest it is covering something else?

• and contraceptive pills causing health risks too.

@GlummyMcGlummerson
Fantastic post

Off topic sorry, but I love Xenia's posts. She is the richest most successful lawyer ever, but her posts are usually littered with typos and she inevitably misses the point spectacularly.

Bravo Xenia!

It's my biggest struggle delivering sex education - not wandering away from the work set out to talk about my personal views on things like sex work because I feel with so much complex experience I do know better (that sounds arrogant but I hope you know what I mean).

See, I'd love to do some kind of sex education teaching (if I could ever rustle up the qualifications ) but I'd worry quite a lot about seeming condescending or unintentionally developing the attitude of "You're young so you don't know what you're doing". It's very a very hard spot between "I don't think you should do this because I have lived experience of this and it is usually very harmful" and coming off as a bit holier-than-thou.

Not by any means saying this is you! I'd just worry about it for myself, I don't want to become a lecturing old lady to any kids
(another thing I worry about for future DCs, I'm an over-planner!)

Also OP, this is a book I found quite useful for sexual information when I was young, in case that helps anyone (maybe a late Christmas present for DCs).

It's a bit cheesy and heavily marketed to girls, but it taught me quite a lot about consent and making the choice to have sex. It's by Kaz Cooke, it's called "The Rough Guide to Girl Stuff" ("https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rough-Guide-Girl-Stuff/dp/1848360185).

Very cheesy but I think that's more easy to digest in some cases than too-serious content. Just a genuine suggestion, in case it helps anybody!

(There's also "The Rough Guide to Pregnancy and Birth" which I have only just discovered but will probably buy in the next few years ).

Sorry buggered the link -

www.amazon.co.uk/Rough-Guide-Girl-Stuff/dp/1848360185?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Sounds like my Catholic sex education in the 80s

Is there more information as those bullet points could have different interpretations?

The long term relationship thing is part of the relationship education. That sex is part of a relationship....not a recreational activity you do with people you don't know, don't trust etc. It's about the quality of the relationship. That's s good thing.

Contraceptives: it's about the pros and cons of different types. Rather than the "condoms and pill" education I got, they learn about IUDs, implant etc etc.

It's not about telling kids to be abstinent, but to think carefully about who they have sex with, who they have relationships with and to make considered decisions.

Seems very one sided. DD's school taught about the benefits of waiting, of not being promiscuous but the school nurse held clinic 3 afternoons a week and they could get the pill or other contraception. It's a balance

I would be in favour of this. I think it would take pressure off young people and empower them to say no.

I'd lead a discussion on abstinence, what do you think it is, the positives, negatives etc. The general feeling in all my Year groups is that abstinence is undesirable and unachievable.

And yet one quarter of women have one sex partner over their lifetime, and women who don't have sex before marriage report higher satisfaction with their sex life.

Teenagers are naive and that can manifest as a foolish worldliness, where they assume "everyone" does certain things and there is not really another "normal" option. Much the way little kids assume every family does things the way their own family does.

Whether or not something s desirable is subjective but they are not in much of a position to have an educated opinion. They are simply wrong that it's unachievable. Leaving them with the impression that there isn't much real choice for them to make isn't empowering.

I'd have a problem with this. To be honest, I thought the days of this sort of education were over.
Teens only ever receiving education that aligns with abstinent teachings leaves them vulnerable to so much, infact hardly surprisingly in countries where abstinent sex education is taught, have higher prevalence rates of STDs.

If this is the only education that the school will offer, as a parent I think you're going to need to fill in a lot of gaps.

I'd really not be happy if that was the extent of serial education my child would receive.

But then, this is a great opportunity to let your teen know that you are approachable about these sorts of things...you know once their embarrassment is out of the way

Did you get given law prizes for avoiding penis in the 19th century? I dont get it?

@Toilenstripes

What’s wrong with teaching the benefits of abstinence? It should be talked about more instead of a blind acceptance of teen sex. It should be taught as a part of the sex education module.

Theres a lot less teen pregnancies in the Netherlands where the idea of teen sex is more accepted and abstinance isn't taught. Most people don't marry as virgins so to expect the next generation to is really deluded.

@rorosemary there is a lot fewer teenage pregnancies in more equal societies and a lot more amongst people from low income families. I see that as the biggest factor, and the sex education described by the OP seems sensible.

Sounds like a good idea. I graduated aged 20 i law a teetotal virgin with law prizes. Paid off for me big time! weird post, the two things are not linked.

I'd want to see the curriculum and then would complain formally if unhappy.

I think both should be taught, abstinence AND how to correctly use contraception, there's always going to be a mix in any year group of kids that will and won't wait. Leaving them in the dark about their options only ever leads to bad experiences.

@Mommabear20

I think both should be taught, abstinence AND how to correctly use contraception, there's always going to be a mix in any year group of kids that will and won't wait. Leaving them in the dark about their options only ever leads to bad experiences.

That is what is suggested in the plan outlined in the opening post, safe sex too.

I wish I'd had that sort of sex education when I was at school, we had nothing except a biology lesson.