To leave my 2 year old for 4 nights when I go away?

[Slytherin]

Potentially (covid allowing) going away in august with friends to a cottage by the sea. It’s a friend’s big birthday and obviously I haven’t seen much of her this year or the others in our friendship group.
I planned to leave my 2 year old with his dad, when I mentioned this to my mum she’s was horrified. I’ve never left him more than one night before...she thought it was wrong that I should be going away without him. I thought this was pretty normal?!
Am I being unreasonable?

Yanbu! Go enjoy yourself.
A friend of mine is getting married abroad in the summer, and having a city break for her hen do in the spring (covid dependent) at first I wasn't sure, as I felt guilty about leaving dd (2) and dh. However my dh is perfectly happy with me to go, and having to spoke to other people the resounding answer was to go and have fun. It's hard to get past the guilt for sure, but even as parents were entitled to have a little getaway every now and then, it doesn't make us any less as mums.

Jeez so many people have such useless husbands if they need to be prepped before taking on their own child for a few days wtf 😂

We parent equally - I wouldn’t have to leave any Instructions for him if I go away somewhere, he knows where everything is, how to look after his own child, how to feed the child, where the calpol is, what to do in an emergency! In fact I ended up learning most of my parenting from him as he has a much older child from a previous relationship so he had previous experience!! 😂

So weird that some people see men as incapable or parenting

@Satsumatrifle I feel for you if you think that is normal. That is far far from normal.

@Heyahun

Jeez so many people have such useless husbands if they need to be prepped before taking on their own child for a few days wtf 😂

We parent equally - I wouldn’t have to leave any Instructions for him if I go away somewhere, he knows where everything is, how to look after his own child, how to feed the child, where the calpol is, what to do in an emergency! In fact I ended up learning most of my parenting from him as he has a much older child from a previous relationship so he had previous experience!! 😂

So weird that some people see men as incapable or parenting

This. Don't get me wrong my dh is useless in the kitchen, and can't seem to figure out how to cook anything from scratch... but he does know how to buy a ready meal, order a takeaway or heat up whatever I leave for him and dd in the freezer when I've not been at home for an evening. I find it so bizarre that people honestly believe a man needs to be prepped to look after their children, especially at toddler age. My dd is just two, doesn't have any language yet and communication is extremely limited and I've never once had to prep dh to look after her.

LST

I don't need your sympathy as it's not my normal, nor do I find it 'normal'. We're an even split in my home and equally indispensable. However for many people this is clearly not the case and I wouldn't leave my children under those circumstances just because I ought to be able to. As that would penalise the children. We parent in the world we're in, not the one we'd like. We work for equality but if that hasn't worked out for whatever reason, we don't pass the suffering on to the child. I have been really shocked by how some families parenting responsibilities are arranged -or not arranged.

It's fine as your son will be with his dad.

Fine..me and DH have for the past few years left both kids (now 4 and 8..first time DS was 2 though) at their grandads for a week (which they, and he love) and buggered off for adult time. 4 days without one parent is nothing really..

He will be with his dad. He will be fine.

I am actually slightly jealous that so many seem in a position to do this alone (or with friends or whatever). While I go away regularly with DH for adult time, I would fucking love some time alone every now and again. But even going out for a fucking night creates days of whinging

I voted YANBU. I would struggle to leave my 2 year old that long to be honest but if they'll be with their other parent it's only a big deal for you, not for the child. If you're happy to go there's no problem!

I left mine with my mum for three nights when he was five months. It’s absolutely fine.

Go for it. Both me and husband for work or a funeral (in another country) have individually been away from the family a few weeks at a time now and again. No big deal assuming you trust the person you are leaving him with. I always come back refreshed being "me" for a while even on hectic business trips.

satsuma if your household is divided in terms of responsibility what the fuck are you banging on about? Surely you can see that others might run their household similarly?

Completely normal. You’re leaving your son with his Father, not a stranger.

Do it, ds will be fine.

I go away for at least a weekend, or more usually, a Monday to Friday, every year with my group of friends. I actually think having a proper break makes you a better parent in the long run. Go, enjoy. (Covid allowing!)

Oh, and I have been doing this for years, since both my children were babies. They are either left with DH or a grandparent. Neither have been destabilised and they don't have any attachment or separation issues.

I do really miss them, and I used to feel guilty but I got over that pretty quickly.

@EloraaDanan

Would your mum be horrified if your DCs Dad went away for 4 days and left him with you?

This! Go and have a good time.

It sounds like a lovely break with friends, I hope you enjoy it!

100% fine OP. Go, and enjoy!

My only issue in leaving young children was the logistics of feeding bottle refusers.

I did get caught out with 4 days away when DS2 was 12m. I mistakenly thought at the point of booking, based on DS1 that he would have dropped more feeds at that point. DS1 was fine. He'd taken to solids well. It was me and the breast pump suffering!

I'd like to say it was a girly jolly... it was sort of... a Girl Guiding jolly so no quality adult time!

@Satsumatrifle have you wandered onto this thread from the 1950s? Your description of parenthood nowadays is a gazillion miles away from the reality of the vast majority in f my friends. I’ve left my kids with my dh from a very early age - I didn’t leave him with an instruction manual, he’s a functioning adult .

I haven't personally but reading some of the threads here has been a real eye opener. For the child's sake I would never assume a dad is a fit primary carer without serious prep although appreciate many are and I did take care to ensure my own partner is every bit as competent as I am.

@Satsumatrifle

I haven't personally but reading some of the threads here has been a real eye opener. For the child's sake I would never assume a dad is a fit primary carer without serious prep although appreciate many are and I did take care to ensure my own partner is every bit as competent as I am.

But surely it's not the women's job to ensure a father can look after her child? If I had to prep my husband to look after his daughter whilst I was away, then I made a mistake in the man I chose to have a child with. They aren't a baby, they are a parent. If they can't from day one look after their child alone without mum putting in prep work then you've got some issues. Bloody ridiculous.

I haven't personally but reading some of the threads here has been a real eye opener. For the child's sake I would never assume a dad is a fit primary carer without serious prep although appreciate many are and I did take care to ensure my own partner is every bit as competent as I am.

So if you started reading the long-running Stately Homes threads, you would automatically assume that every mother who posted on here was probably abusive and toxic even if there was nothing whatsoever in her thread to suggest that?

Advice to you: don't start reading the Stately Homes threads. I don't think your understanding of statistical sampling is strong enough to handle them.