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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 2 year old for 4 nights when I go away?

126 replies

Slytherin · 01/01/2021 17:02

Potentially (covid allowing) going away in august with friends to a cottage by the sea. It’s a friend’s big birthday and obviously I haven’t seen much of her this year or the others in our friendship group.
I planned to leave my 2 year old with his dad, when I mentioned this to my mum she’s was horrified. I’ve never left him more than one night before...she thought it was wrong that I should be going away without him. I thought this was pretty normal?!
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 01/01/2021 19:26

@Northernsoullover so glad not just me I was beginging to feel terrible about everyone else missing them like crazy; when they're gone, they're gone (and a lot younger than 4!) OP have a great time!!!

Jangle33 · 01/01/2021 19:31

Who the hell books a “big birthday” holiday for 4 days!! What’s wrong with a drink down the pub?

GrannieD · 01/01/2021 19:51

I would go and enjoy the break.

If your mum has any concerns about a dad willing to look after his son for 4 days while mum has a break, then show her some of the horrible posts on here from the past few days about how wives / mums have been treated by their other halves. Shocking behaviour from some men

Chanandlerbong01 · 01/01/2021 20:37

Who the hell books a “big birthday” holiday for 4 days!! What’s wrong with a drink down the pub?

Someone that knows how to have fun!

PugInTheHouse · 01/01/2021 20:41

I agree with Chanadlerbong01, i had 4 days away for a big birthday, no one forces anyone to go Hmm Actually loads of my friends have done the same.

strawberry2017 · 01/01/2021 20:42

My friends mum did this to her, totally guilt tripped her in to not going because of the kids but then when her mum wanted her to go to NYC with her it was a different story!
You should go and have fun, mums deserve a break too!

Vitaminsss · 01/01/2021 20:44

It’s not like you’re leaving him unattended, he’s with his father ffs. It’s like your mum think it’s a woman’s job to be with their children 24/7. I’m sure his dad is capable of looking after him for 4 days out of the year.

mindutopia · 01/01/2021 20:46

Yes, this is perfectly normal and fine. When my eldest was 16 months, I went to Australia for 2 weeks (though it was a work trip), and went to Italy on holiday without youngest when he was 15 months. All fine and they had a lovely time at home with just Dh.

Satsumatrifle · 01/01/2021 20:46

If you're the primary carer and it's going to cause your child huge anxiety, then I wouldn't, unless you're going to put in a lot of effort working up to it and making it manageable. I would say exactly the same if you were a dad speaking as a primary carer. I would also, if you were the primary carer, be making sure the other parent was up to speed on all safety, dietary and first aid issues.

It wouldn't be a simple go from me. Go if your child can be happy and settled during your absence or if you simply must to survive.

Shmithecat2 · 01/01/2021 20:50

YANBU. I'd rarely left ds with anyone for 2 years, then when 2y7m, I left him with his father for 5 days and buggered off to spain for 5 days with a girlfriend. It was glorious. 5 days of just me, not a wife not a still bfing mum, no family responsibility. You won't regret it. Ignore you mum. That's an order.

grisen · 01/01/2021 20:51

I’d always say for it. But we had a child free week just before he was one, it was the only time we could have off for the foreseeable future and thanks to COVID we are grateful we had that week alone.

Whoopsmahoot · 01/01/2021 21:05

Go and don’t look back. Enjoy. Does them good to realise that mummy has a life too and the world doesn’t stop if mum is not there.

Darbs76 · 01/01/2021 21:07

Of course it’s fine. Dads can care for kids too, I don’t suspect your mum would be too horrified if it was your husband going away. I have been away without my kids many times, they have always been fine with their dad, and I had some quality time with friends

applestrudels · 01/01/2021 21:11

It sounds like your mum is of the generation that didn’t see fathers as actual proper parents...

When I read the title I thought you were going to leave him with a grandparent or something, which might be harder for him (though still acceptable) but he’ll be with his DAD ffs! He’ll be perfectly fine.

Shelby30 · 01/01/2021 21:13

I'd struggle with 4 nights but on the other hand oh my good wld be amazing 😂 Enjoy it!

Antipodeancousin · 01/01/2021 21:14

Once I’ve finished breastfeeding I’ll be off for weekends away too. My mum finds it alarming that I go for an evening out or meet up with a friend and leave my baby with her dad. I think she feels like she sacrificed her own life to have kids and thinks I should do the same. Or maybe some kind of resentment that the fathers of her children were all useless and couldn’t be trusted to care for them independently?

hansgrueber · 01/01/2021 21:24

Of course you should go, children need to realise that their parents are people with other interests than them, even at such a young age. You'll maybe be appreciated far more when you return, gift-laden of course!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/01/2021 21:33

I had to be away 1-2 weeks a month for work from when I returned from mat leave. Did it for two years before changing jobs. PFB was absolutely fine and it did wonders for DH's confidence and relationship with our children.

PugInTheHouse · 01/01/2021 21:36

I agree with applestrudels, I was going to the theatre one night with a friend when DS1 was a baby and my nan said to me but what will your DH do for dinner Grin

Anothermother3 · 01/01/2021 21:56

I tend to bf until they’re 2 I’d be happy to go for a night or two if that wasn’t an issue. Probably wouldn’t be okay with it but that’s because I’m a bit on the anxious side. I see no objective problem with it.

Doggybiccys · 01/01/2021 22:05

I can’t believe in 2021 we are still asking this question. Of course you should go. Your child will be fine. The child won’t have any real understanding of how long you are gone - at that age, you are either there or not - they have no real concept of time. It is important for you to have a life outside being a mum and to maintain your own identity- it will make you a “better” parent in the long run.

AppleKatie · 01/01/2021 22:10

You said you were leaving the child with his/her dad and not alone down a well yes?

Obviously you should go. The child will not remember but will benefit from increased bonding time with Dad.

You will remember and will benefit from the break and fun and laughter.

It’s a win win for everyone.

Ontheboardwalk · 01/01/2021 22:20

@Satsumatrifle

If you're the primary carer and it's going to cause your child huge anxiety, then I wouldn't, unless you're going to put in a lot of effort working up to it and making it manageable. I would say exactly the same if you were a dad speaking as a primary carer. I would also, if you were the primary carer, be making sure the other parent was up to speed on all safety, dietary and first aid issues.

It wouldn't be a simple go from me. Go if your child can be happy and settled during your absence or if you simply must to survive.

WTF she’s leaving the child with its dad not the local dealer in the pub (where are they doing that these days?)

OP clearly believes the child is safe with their father. There’s no mention of child anxiety or survival of the OP

It’s a bad time when, clearly no back story from the OP, that a 2 year old child can’t be left with his dad for a couple of days

Mother2princess · 01/01/2021 22:25

Yes its fine I'm oldest often goes to grandparents house

My others have never left my side

thumpingrug · 01/01/2021 22:49

your mum is the one being unreasonable

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