Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 2 year old for 4 nights when I go away?

126 replies

Slytherin · 01/01/2021 17:02

Potentially (covid allowing) going away in august with friends to a cottage by the sea. It’s a friend’s big birthday and obviously I haven’t seen much of her this year or the others in our friendship group.
I planned to leave my 2 year old with his dad, when I mentioned this to my mum she’s was horrified. I’ve never left him more than one night before...she thought it was wrong that I should be going away without him. I thought this was pretty normal?!
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Mischance · 01/01/2021 22:50

Adopt ear plugs when your Mum is pontificating. Your child will be with her father for goodness sake!

Satsumatrifle · 01/01/2021 22:54

No, attachment doesn't work like that. If toddler is sufficiently attached to dad, fine. But we all know unfortunately how often that isn't the case. Toddlers don't know it will only be four days. By all means go but leave in the care of a sufficiently attached and competent dad. If he isn't, have him address this in the time available. Ultimately there are many many children in caring situations where having a primary carer disappear like this at this age would be deeply destabilising and that matters. One look at these boards could tell you how many dads don't know where the calpol is let alone when to give it. It shouldn't be true but it is. I parent for the world I'm in not the one I'd like.

AppleKatie · 01/01/2021 23:13

This place is full of women talking about when things go wrong.

My experience with DH and RL friends is that Dads are sufficiently attached and capable enough to cope.

Presumably the OP wouldn’t have booked it if she was married to an idiot.

Satsumatrifle · 01/01/2021 23:21

Well many people are married to idiots...

Unfortunately.

The child didn't ask to be born. Yes daddy needs to step up but that may take prep.

Ontheboardwalk · 02/01/2021 01:24

Satsumatrifle are you saying the mother is incapable of making the decision here?

Who decides if daddy needs to step up or not? Are you basing your views on your current situation?

emmetgirl · 02/01/2021 07:53

I went back to work when DD was 3 months (she's 26 now). I had to travel a bit with my job. Went away overnight a few nights at a time quite a few times. She was cared for excellently by her dad. I never hesitated or felt guilty. And nothing bad happened. Get over yourself.

midnightstar66 · 02/01/2021 07:56

You're leaving him with his dad not a pack of wolves so unless the there is some unmentioned backstory then this is fine.

20viona · 02/01/2021 07:59

It's completely fine.

BigFatLiar · 02/01/2021 08:34

Should be fine. Do you live with his dad?

Like others when I returned to work I spent most of my week away from home. My husbands work had good creche/nursery care available and they were fine (unusual in those times). The girls were fine, loved and cared for by their dad (and me!). Even now where they're both married they're still daddy's girls.

If the boys dad isn't useless you may find he enjoys spending time with him. 2 years old can be fun.

Bellabelloo · 02/01/2021 08:40

Oh gosh! I'd had plenty of weekends away from my DS by that age. I missed him, but it was very cathartic. And allowed me to catch up on sleep! My husband is capable and it also meant they had some quality time together.

SueEllenMishke · 02/01/2021 08:48

Yes daddy needs to step up but that may take prep.

I have never had to 'prep' my husband to look after our child.
In my experience most dads are more than capable and are equally involved in their children's lives.

corythatwas · 02/01/2021 08:48

@Satsumatrifle

If you're the primary carer and it's going to cause your child huge anxiety, then I wouldn't, unless you're going to put in a lot of effort working up to it and making it manageable. I would say exactly the same if you were a dad speaking as a primary carer. I would also, if you were the primary carer, be making sure the other parent was up to speed on all safety, dietary and first aid issues.

It wouldn't be a simple go from me. Go if your child can be happy and settled during your absence or if you simply must to survive.

You may struggle to believe this but lots of families these days are NOT divided into one primary carer who knows everything and one clueless extra who knows nothing.

My father in the 60s knew everything relevant to do with his own children. So did my husband in the 90s. Yes, they worked but so did my mother, so at times did I. I don't think anyone ever suggested we couldn't be left with our own children because we hadn't been able to learn how to change a nappy or what they ate.

MrsZola · 02/01/2021 08:55

Go and have an amazing time! Your child and their dad will be absolutely fine.
My mum was from another European country and would go home for a week a couple of times a year, leaving my dad looking after my siblings and I. We were more than fine. This was in the 1960s and 70s, so probably raised a few eyebrows from family and neighbours 😁

corythatwas · 02/01/2021 08:55

Yes, Satsuma, the world has its fair share of men who don't know a lot about parenting. It also has its fair share of women who know little about traditionally male domains. But if a man came on here and mentioned that his wife was going off to buy the family car or an assortment of power tools, would you immediately pile in with advice on how much prepping a woman would probably need to deal with this manly stuff because so many women don't know these things?

Nohomemadecandles · 02/01/2021 10:54

@Satsumatrifle we gave no idea if dad needs to step up! My DH wouldn't have needed to step up. He was never stepped down.
Very odd assumption to make.

CeibaTree · 02/01/2021 10:58

I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable being away from my DC for 4 nights - 2 would be my limit I think but that just me.
If you are happy to leave him with his dad for that long then just ignore your mum and have a great time :)

EloraaDanan · 02/01/2021 13:13

Yes daddy needs to step up but that may take prep.

That’s ridiculous. If you had a baby with a loser that can’t look after his own kid from the day they was born, that’s on you.

Satsumatrifle · 02/01/2021 13:16

Yes it's on you. Not your child.

Satsumatrifle · 02/01/2021 13:17

But thankfully not my personal circumstances at all.

EloraaDanan · 02/01/2021 13:18

It’s the way you assume that the father is useless even when you have no idea if he’s a run of the mill, very capable dad @Satsumatrifle. Good dads are everywhere and far more the norm.

ChequerBoard · 02/01/2021 13:19

FFS unless you think the father is incapable of caring for the child, this is total non-event.

Dramatic much OP?

Satsumatrifle · 02/01/2021 13:20

You may struggle to believe this but lots of families these days are NOT divided into one primary carer who knows everything and one clueless extra who knows nothing.

Actually, I struggle to imagine what seems be the norm here-women looking after their children while their husbands work, then when he goes to the gym, then when he goes to do his hobby, then when he's round the pub. Then she has to ask to go down the shops and he grudgingly agrees. However it seems frighteningly common and I would not leave a toddler without his primary carer in these circumstances for any money.

dealornodealer · 02/01/2021 13:27

YANBU. I leave my dc with dh once or twice a year for a few nights and have done since youngest was one. They all have a great time, he lets them sleep in our bed and generally get away with more! He's their dad so is perfectly capable of caring for them as I'm sure your dh is. Just nod and smile and move on with regards to any comments.

SueEllenMishke · 02/01/2021 13:36

Actually, I struggle to imagine what seems be the norm here-women looking after their children while their husbands work, then when he goes to the gym, then when he goes to do his hobby, then when he's round the pub. Then she has to ask to go down the shops and he grudgingly agrees. However it seems frighteningly common and I would not leave a toddler without his primary carer in these circumstances for any money.

This is far from the norm or common in my world.
Me and my friends and family parent equally. We all work, have social lives and go away with friends - I don't know anyone who has to ask to go down the shops.
Remember, people in happy, normal relationships don't post about their relationships on MN.
Most of us don't need to prep our husbands when we go away. They're just as capable as us at looking after their children.

EloraaDanan · 02/01/2021 13:43

@Satsumatrifle

You may struggle to believe this but lots of families these days are NOT divided into one primary carer who knows everything and one clueless extra who knows nothing.

Actually, I struggle to imagine what seems be the norm here-women looking after their children while their husbands work, then when he goes to the gym, then when he goes to do his hobby, then when he's round the pub. Then she has to ask to go down the shops and he grudgingly agrees. However it seems frighteningly common and I would not leave a toddler without his primary carer in these circumstances for any money.

This situation you describe is not the norm. I don’t know why you’re so hell bent on telling everybody that it is.
Swipe left for the next trending thread