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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU - argument with sibling?

106 replies

ChickyNuggies · 01/01/2021 13:31

So me and my sister had an almighty screaming row yesterday and I can't, for the life of me, work out WHY IWBU.

Long story short, my DP (as a qualified tradesperson) has been doing DIY type stuff in their new house. Their baby is due imminently and this stuff does need done before baby arrives for the place to be habitable.

DP had agreed to finish X job (say, tiling the bathroom) on Wednesday. However, on Wednesday, he woke up at 5am coughing and with a fever.

DP went back to bed as he was feeling rough and I called my sister to tell her that DP wouldn't be able to finish the job that day as he has COVID symptoms and we will need to reassess how to get these things finished due to isolation etc. All fine.

Anyway, now my sister is absolutely FURIOUS at both of us because sisters DP had text my DP asking him what time he was planning to finish up the job. DP did not text him back because he slept for the rest of the day and because I had already spoken to my sister and explained the situation.

APPARENTLY DP is incredibly rude and I acted like his secretary and we are monsters because DP didn't give her DPan update. After a huge argument she maintains that he/I/we WBU and our relationship is ruined irrevocably.

The way I see it was that I told sister that DP wouldn't be able to help that day so I can't for the life of me see what the bloody issue is

OP posts:

AnathemaPulsifer · 01/01/2021 13:33

YANBU. Quite how reasonable you are depends whether they were paying or not.

Gliblet · 01/01/2021 13:34

Unless there's some massive backstory here then I'm as bewildered as you

How's your DP doing?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 01/01/2021 13:34

Wow. She is beyond unreasonable. I would simply ignore any and all contact that is not an apology.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 01/01/2021 13:35

@AnathemaPulsifer even if they were paying that's absurd - he was ill and asleep, they had been informed that he was ill and would not be able to work that day. It is not unreasonable even if you are being paid to not respond to a text the same day if you are unwell.

Original poster

ChickyNuggies · 01/01/2021 13:38

Quite how reasonable you are depends whether they were paying or not.

No payment (other than a pizza for lunch delivered one day). We wouldn't have asked for any money for it as things have already been expensive enough for them with moving and the baby coming soon!

OP posts:

littlebirdworrying · 01/01/2021 13:40

WOW your sister and her partner sounds extremely entitled, your partner was doing the job for free, and they've reacted like this because he was too ill to come and finish the job yet.....disgusting behaviour!

Laserbird16 · 01/01/2021 13:40

Well her reaction is disproportionate but not completely unreasonable.

I can see how she would be a bit nervous about the job getting done with the baby due to arrive and the house not being habitable. A screaming row is a bit high drama but yes it would have been reassuring for her to understand there was some plan to finish her house.

Pregnancy does do weird things to you that said, so perhaps let her cool off and talk to her DP. Does DH know anyone who might be able to tile the bathroom etc if he is going to be out of action for a while?

Plonque · 01/01/2021 13:42

No payment

Oh, they are definitely dickheads then and you support their need to "never speak to you again" and regard it as a dodged bullet.

Laserbird16 · 01/01/2021 13:42

Plus that's very lovely of you to do the work and I hope your DP feels better soon

SpiderinaWingMirror · 01/01/2021 13:43

It's called shooting yourself in the foot.
Sit back and let it unfold. I had a dsis with these tendencies.

Chloemol · 01/01/2021 13:44

YANBU. I would simply text, say she needs to revisit what’s happened, ie you advised her your husband was ill, the fact her dp did not hear from him is yours was ill. You are sorry she can’t understand that, the tiling will be finished when he is better and moving forward it’s better they find someone else to help them with things.

Lookslikerainted · 01/01/2021 13:45

If that’s the full story, your sister and her DP are nuts. If your sister is normally reasonable is it her dp stirring things up? I’d be telling them to pay someone to finish it

HaHaVeryBunny · 01/01/2021 13:49

If what you've posted is exactly how it went down, then she is an absolute bellend.

AhNowTed · 01/01/2021 13:51

Entitled cheeky fuckers.

They'll come grovelling back though. CFs can't resist a freebie.

ktp100 · 01/01/2021 13:53

Way to give a shit about themselves and not your DH in the slightest!!

Did they even ask about him? How he was?

If no then I'd be telling them to find themselves a new tradesperson and chalking this one up to some kind of pre-baby nesting psychosis!!

If this is how your sister generally behaves (as in self-absorbed, selfish and uncaring) then I'd defo be telling them to fuck right off and diverting all energies to taking care of DH.

DimidDavilby · 01/01/2021 13:53

Moving house is stressful, as is pregnancy in a pandemic. Leave her to calm down. YWNBU though.

Original poster

ChickyNuggies · 01/01/2021 13:55

DP is mostly okay, still a mild cough and some low level aches and minor headache but nothing to be overly concerned about, thank goodness! He has a test booked for tomorrow to find out if he does have COVID or not.

That is, genuinely, what happened. During the argument she just kept saying "Tim (not real name) was waiting for an update!!!!" And I was like, an update on what? I already told you that DP was ill and I would call you tomorrow to see what we can do about making sure the jobs get done. And she just kept saying that my DP should have been telling her DP that and not using her as a go between.

I have been thinking about it for hours now trying to work out if I was missing something that would make us unreasonable and come up blank every time!

Me and my sister generall have a fantastic relationship, in normal times usually have dinner together once a week etc but since she has been pregnant she has been a bit... OTT about things. I have mostly kept quiet as I don't have any children myself so can't comment on how it changes your moods etc!

OP posts:

myhobbyisouting · 01/01/2021 13:59

Well if that's what happened then obviously they are completely unreasonable.

But why on earth is he waiting 3 days to get a test?!

leavethelightson · 01/01/2021 14:01

It does sound like an overreact.

But, your sister is due a baby any day, she has an unfinished (inhabitable?) house. If your DH is positive they will most likely need to isolate if they have been in contact. I would hate the added stress of that if I was due to give birth in a few days. Due to isolating they may not be able to get anyone else in to do the work needed. I can see how this would be really stressful and could lead to someone over reacting. I would give her some time to calm down.

Imiss2019 · 01/01/2021 14:02

Is it possible that “Tim” is being an arsehole to your sister about it all and that’s why she is reacting so oddly?

I’d message him directly and tell him to give his head a wobble if expects personal update from an ill person who’s been working for free the same day he’s already been given info from

MoiraNotRuby · 01/01/2021 14:05

What is your sisters DP like? Sounds like this is out of character for your sis so I'd be worried about her more than anything.

Barmyfarmy · 01/01/2021 14:06

OP if this is completely out of the blue I'd definitely think it was pregnancy related! Some women change completely when pregnant and it could be caused by anxiety or another pregnancy-related issue (sort of like post natal depression/psychosis but in the later stages of pregnancy). She could be anxious about the birth of her child and suddenly something she thought was stable and definite has now changed and thrown her off. It isn't your fault, you've not done some horrific thing to her but to her she may feel very upset and not herself about it, she might not even realise this yet. I'd suggest messaging her and checking she's okay as it's an out of the blue reaction and reassure her that things can be fixed/rearranged/sorted and all she needs to worry about is her and the baby.

Even if she was a little crazy normally, the things she's complainign about now seem like they're grasped from thin air and that suggests she doesn't mean it. Offer support and try to take what she says with a pinch of salt- her entire personality is changing from a carefree person to a worried mother- her brain is likely resembling mashed potato by now

myhobbyisouting · 01/01/2021 14:07

"The way I see it was that I told sister that DP wouldn't be able to help that day"

Hold on, you told her he just wouldn't be able to help "that day" yet he had no intention of testing ASAP.

With results taking days to come back and him not bothering to test straight away he's not exactly putting them in a great position is he? They need to know if he's positive or not for a start.

Plonque · 01/01/2021 14:10

I have a possible theory on why they object to you being involved in the conversation, is your DH a bit too nice for his own good?
Did they expect him to be a pushover and get off I'm his sickbed to sort it out and see you as putting the kybosh on it?

Obviously that is bonkers with the covid symptoms and everything, are they covid deniers or downplayers?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 01/01/2021 14:10

I’d message him directly and tell him to give his head a wobble if expects personal update from an ill person who’s been working for free the same day he’s already been given info from

Or indeed expects the job to be finished - do either of them expect your partner to go back and finish the work ever?
Let them pay for a professional - who will also probably ignore their calls if he has to postpone work if he has to call and say he can't work because he is sick.

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