WIBU - argument with sibling?

[ChickyNuggies]

So me and my sister had an almighty screaming row yesterday and I can't, for the life of me, work out WHY IWBU.

Long story short, my DP (as a qualified tradesperson) has been doing DIY type stuff in their new house. Their baby is due imminently and this stuff does need done before baby arrives for the place to be habitable.

DP had agreed to finish X job (say, tiling the bathroom) on Wednesday. However, on Wednesday, he woke up at 5am coughing and with a fever.

DP went back to bed as he was feeling rough and I called my sister to tell her that DP wouldn't be able to finish the job that day as he has COVID symptoms and we will need to reassess how to get these things finished due to isolation etc. All fine.

Anyway, now my sister is absolutely FURIOUS at both of us because sisters DP had text my DP asking him what time he was planning to finish up the job. DP did not text him back because he slept for the rest of the day and because I had already spoken to my sister and explained the situation.

APPARENTLY DP is incredibly rude and I acted like his secretary and we are monsters because DP didn't give her DPan update. After a huge argument she maintains that he/I/we WBU and our relationship is ruined irrevocably.

The way I see it was that I told sister that DP wouldn't be able to help that day so I can't for the life of me see what the bloody issue is

With results taking days to come back and him not bothering to test straight away he's not exactly putting them in a great position is he? They need to know if he's positive or not for a start.

It's only Friday? On Wednesday I left him to sleep all day and then yesterday we booked the test through the appropriate website and they gave us an appointment for tomorrow morning?

We haven't been in contact with them at all for over 2 weeks by the way. Their new house is actually the street behind ours so they have given us keys and DP has been going over and working there alone. Sister and her DP are still living in their old property.

• I meant physical contact, obviously we have spoken to then over the phone / text message etc

I would get your DP to stop working at their house until they apologise

Some good points raised here.

They aren't covid deniers but definitely down players. Sister did intimate that she thought DP wasn't that ill. Which, to be fair, he wasn't. Overall the symptoms are quite mild and except for Wednesday which day day 1 he has been able to go about the house and make himself cups of tea etc.

Interesting points about her DP as well. He seems like a really nice person and certainly treats sister well as far as I can see but there has been a few awkward instances where things have felt a bit... Off with him. I have asked her about it and she has told me there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

The reason I called her yesterday was to explain that my DP could possibly get his brother to do some bits (also a qualified tradesperson but not as much experience as DP) in the meantime until we have test results etc. But I never got that far before she started shouting at me.

I guess the fact that she's heavily pregnant and now stressing about the house being finished and maybe getting Covid have made her act a bit odd.

Just take a step back, and wait for normality to resume.

As they need the work finishing ASAP I'm sure they will be only to happy to let your DP rest and recuperate and pay for somebody else to do it. CFers.

Their loss - now they're going to have to pay someone as I certainly wouldn't be helping them out again! Cheeky buggers.

Your sister and her DP are unreasonable but I can understand them being stressed to the point of not seeing straight.

They just want to get in to the house, get settled and get everything set up for the baby. It probably feels like the last straw, and tbh I think you were unreasonable not to book a test the first day he was unwell when family members are depending on him. I don't know why you'd delay anyway, surely you want to end your own isolation asap.

I can only think your sister is really stressed about moving, and also maybe sick of her DP not pulling his weight / taking responsibility for house stuff, and she's taking it out on you. Does she have antenatal anxiety / MH issues? Not excusable - seems v entitled and ott - but might explain it.

But it takes two to have a screaming row, so you are partly responsible for taking part in that.

I would also be worried her partner was not treating her well tbh ... but it does sound stressful for her anyway given the situation so may well just be that. Regardless, she is BVU and you sound like a lovely sister and BIL.

But it takes two to have a screaming row, so you are partly responsible for taking part in that.

True. I shouldn't have raised to her shouting but this was the final straw to me after a handful of other instances during the pregnancy of her acting like a crazy person. I am usually the sensible one of the family and I let myself down on this occasion!

Let them stew till you get test results, or decide to self isolate for 14 days. That’ll give them time to think. YWNBU

Do you think perhaps shes acting crazy because of pregnancy hormones? I would take a step back and concentrate on getting your partner well again. If she doesnt realise her harsh over the top reaction to your partner's illness, then perhaps suggest they use a trades person from now on. Dont allow your partner to be used and verbally abused.

I would just tell her you’re giving her the benefit of the doubt that her crazed outburst was the result of pregnancy hormones.

I was about to say pregnancy hormones too. I remember being irrationally upset about the pram I bought not having a matching sun umbrella. Really over the top and embarrassing when I looked back. Let her have a couple of days to think about it.

If she's normally reasonable, then I'd suggest Their baby is due imminently is probably the reason.

The nicest people can be a bit irrational at that point.

Rule #1

When someone's doing you a favour you don't get to dictate the terms.

They are being unreasonable. Do they want your partner to potentially pass COVID (or any other illness) on?

You had told them your partner was ill, they shouldn’t have been chasing it up when they knew he was ill. The fact he’s doing it as a favour for family makes it even worse.

She sounds like a “ Bumpzilla “

A nightmare who thinks it’s all about HER because she is pregnant.

How much worse would it have been if your husband had infected their household with a Lurgy?

Hope your DH is ok.

@ChickyNuggies

Quite how reasonable you are depends whether they were paying or not.

No payment (other than a pizza for lunch delivered one day). We wouldn't have asked for any money for it as things have already been expensive enough for them with moving and the baby coming soon!

Jeez. “ No good deed goes unpunished “

They are expecting a skilled tradesman to work for FREE and still they moan?

Very very unreasonable.
I paid £160 a day for a skilled tiler.

If that was my sister I'd be telling her good luck finding someone to finish the work.

Your partner has been doing them a bloody massive favour and he gets ill and she throws a tantrum? Fuck that.

Maybe your sister’s reaction was fuelled by hormones but it still doesn’t give her and her DP right to treat you like that especially you are the ones doing her a huge favour.

You haven’t done anything wrong. I’d leave them to it until they apologise , surely if they want it get finished faster they can pay full whack for a tradesmen.

You don’t pester somebody who’s not well with requests.

I hope she isnt go to use the pregnancy hormones card as an excuse for bad behaviour. It can be a "get out of jail free" card for lots of thing I find, that actually just boil down to selfishness.

It isnt an excuse for being so utterly rude and unthankful

I don't know why your sister couldn't give her DP the update 🤷‍♀️ ywdnbu

If she’s normally reasonable, I would be worried that her partner is having a go at her and she’s taking it out on you. I recognise this is due to certain past experiences colouring my view though.