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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU - argument with sibling?

106 replies

ChickyNuggies · 01/01/2021 13:31

So me and my sister had an almighty screaming row yesterday and I can't, for the life of me, work out WHY IWBU.

Long story short, my DP (as a qualified tradesperson) has been doing DIY type stuff in their new house. Their baby is due imminently and this stuff does need done before baby arrives for the place to be habitable.

DP had agreed to finish X job (say, tiling the bathroom) on Wednesday. However, on Wednesday, he woke up at 5am coughing and with a fever.

DP went back to bed as he was feeling rough and I called my sister to tell her that DP wouldn't be able to finish the job that day as he has COVID symptoms and we will need to reassess how to get these things finished due to isolation etc. All fine.

Anyway, now my sister is absolutely FURIOUS at both of us because sisters DP had text my DP asking him what time he was planning to finish up the job. DP did not text him back because he slept for the rest of the day and because I had already spoken to my sister and explained the situation.

APPARENTLY DP is incredibly rude and I acted like his secretary and we are monsters because DP didn't give her DPan update. After a huge argument she maintains that he/I/we WBU and our relationship is ruined irrevocably.

The way I see it was that I told sister that DP wouldn't be able to help that day so I can't for the life of me see what the bloody issue is

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 01/01/2021 16:48

Hang on, how is your sis the go- between? Your DH is only doing the work because she is your sister, the primary relationship is between you and her. Is it not her house being worked on?
Sounds like this is coming from from BiL.

TatianaBis · 01/01/2021 17:09

Does leave us in a quandary though as I don't think they could afford to pay someone to do it and we can't really leave them with a half finished job, can we?

No it doesn’t leave you in a quandary it leaves your sis in one. Either she forks out money she can’t afford to finish the job, or she apologises to both of you and asks DP to finish it once he’s tested negative.

Feedingthebirds1 · 01/01/2021 17:22

@Eddielzzard

Your sister's reaction is way off. It's tempting to tell her to get someone else to finish it if that's her attitude, but well, she's your sister. I would let things settle for a day or two and then see how the land lies.

Same here. But if she really doesn't see what she's done, then I'd be telling her to get someone else in to finish it but smile sweetly and point out that what your DP has already done means it won't cost them as much.

PS I don't wish DP ill, but there is a bit of me hoping that DP is actually positive. Mildly, but positive. Then he can't do anything for several days, can he ?

MinervaSaidThar · 01/01/2021 17:41

OP, you need to back your husband here and tell sister he won't be doing any further work.

The minute they felt entitled rather than lucky to have this free work done for them, they lost any right to a completed job.

Postmysecret · 01/01/2021 17:54

I feel like if your DP had just text ‘Tim’ back this probably wouldn’t have happened, if he wasn’t that ill it’s really no issue to send a quick reply imo.

Not defending them. They’re still unreasonable for reacting this way.

Wearywithteens · 01/01/2021 17:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Oreservoir · 01/01/2021 18:01

It’s your dh’s decision whether to continue. Don’t pressure him.
Your dsis needs your dh at the minute. She needs to apologise.

StoneofDestiny · 01/01/2021 18:01

I'd leave them with a half finished job - and even remove the finished bit! That might give them a wake up call.
That type of entitled aggression would infuriate me.

1FootInTheRave · 01/01/2021 18:11

The absolute entitled, selfish set of twats.

I'd leave the set of cunts to finish it thenselves.

HTH1 · 01/01/2021 18:30

No kind deed goes unpunished. Suggest someone else finishes the job, DSis’ financial position is no concern of yours.

2020isalmosthindsight · 01/01/2021 18:42

Send her a link to this thread.

Daisydrum · 01/01/2021 19:15

Pregnancy does funny things to you, that’s no excuse for shouting but it does cloud your judgment somewhat.
If “Tim” was so desperate for an update why didn’t he just call your DH?
I’d wait til it settles down and then get your DH to call “Tim” and sort it out. Only after that you call your DSis for just a chat and clear the air.
I’m sure she’s very stressed about getting things ready before baby arrives as is BIL. Not an excuse but a reason for the madness.

Original poster

ChickyNuggies · 02/01/2021 00:14

Well, as an update!
DSis has messaged apologising to me for "acting like a savage chihuahua" and saying that she doesn't want to fall out.

They have also found someone else to finish the DIY and she still has my Christmas presents to give to me.

OP posts:

Schehezarade · 02/01/2021 05:26

I think her DP was v angry - took it out on her, she doesn't want a major fall out with her DP so turns it to be all your and your DP's fault.
Baby is due imminently - imv that is enough excuse for unreasonable behaviour so I'd let it go.

BloggersBlog · 02/01/2021 07:47

That's a good update, I hope things can be smoothed out

SouthDownsLass · 02/01/2021 08:46

That sounds better! Hope your DH is alright as well.

DestinyIsAll · 02/01/2021 09:30

I hope your DP has a full and quick recovery and I’m glad to read your update from your Dsis.

I did want to just comment on this response to you:
With results taking days to come back and him not bothering to test straight away he's not exactly putting them in a great position is he? They need to know if he's positive or not for a start.

I don’t know how much longer tests are taking to come back now but we had an issue with my DS trying to get home from Uni pre Christmas after possible Covid exposure, at that time his repeated PCR tests were taking about 22 hours (with rising numbers and mass student testing). I accept things have changed considerably so it may be taking longer. You left it a day, that’s not a huge delay and to be fair you don’t have any control over the earliest your appointment could be scheduled when you did phone so I think that’s a bit unfair.

What stands out to me is that we researched/were given a lot of factual information at the time and the most relevant and critical fact relating to an accurate (and therefore worthwhile) test is not to test too early. It won’t apply in your DP’s case, and I know a lot of people know this already but it’s still important to reiterate for people who think not rushing out for tests is irresponsible that it’s actually the other way round. It takes on average 5-6 days from exposure for Covid to be detectable on a test, whether symptomatic or not. If you think you’ve been exposed, isolate and test when you are more likely to get an accurate result. If you test early don’t assume you’re clear.

HikeForward · 02/01/2021 09:39

Being heavily pregnant and needing to get the house urgently ready for the baby probably tipped your sister over the edge (unless she’s like this normally).

Your sister should have told her DP your DP had covid symptoms and therefore had to isolate until his test result at least (I presume you told your sister this will be several days maybe a week, maybe more if the test is positive!)

Clearly there was a miscommunication and her DP didn’t get the message from her (or the full details) so he texted your DP. Sorry but I think your DP should have texted the DP anyway when he knew he was ill, explaining how long it can take to get a test result. It’s like if you’re due at work, you can’t just go to sleep and not tell your employer you’re ill or when you expect to be back. Or rely on your partner to inform another colleague you’re ill.

Lookslikerainted · 02/01/2021 10:31

I’d put money on it being her DP being livid and stiring the situation up. Watch the Dp op.

AhNowTed · 02/01/2021 11:18

I wouldn't be doing any more free work for them.

They've shown their level of gratitude.

ThePlantsitter · 02/01/2021 11:35

Nobody on here thinks pregnancy is a reason to behave badly and of course it isn't but I personally went absolutely nuts during both my pregnancies. If you want to maintain the good relationship with your sister I would take everything she says with a pinch of salt at the moment (and maybe, tbh, stay away until the baby's born...?)

Takethereigns · 02/01/2021 12:32

Glad you have had an apology.

If it was me I would have got my DH to send half hourly updates.

“Hi Tim, quick update just sneezed”

“Hi Tim, letting you know I have just sat on the toilet for 20 minutes”

“Hi Tim, now back in bed”

An0n0n0n · 02/01/2021 13:12

Yanbu.

I think this is her husband. He either thinks he should be communicated with directly as the man of the house 🙄 or thinks you DH doesn't like him and has taken it personally.

TheShepherdsCrown · 02/01/2021 13:44

@TatianaBis

Does leave us in a quandary though as I don't think they could afford to pay someone to do it and we can't really leave them with a half finished job, can we?

Totally agree.

TheShepherdsCrown · 02/01/2021 13:45

@ChickyNuggies

Well, as an update! DSis has messaged apologising to me for "acting like a savage chihuahua" and saying that she doesn't want to fall out.

They have also found someone else to finish the DIY and she still has my Christmas presents to give to me.

Great update.

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