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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU - argument with sibling?

106 replies

ChickyNuggies · 01/01/2021 13:31

So me and my sister had an almighty screaming row yesterday and I can't, for the life of me, work out WHY IWBU.

Long story short, my DP (as a qualified tradesperson) has been doing DIY type stuff in their new house. Their baby is due imminently and this stuff does need done before baby arrives for the place to be habitable.

DP had agreed to finish X job (say, tiling the bathroom) on Wednesday. However, on Wednesday, he woke up at 5am coughing and with a fever.

DP went back to bed as he was feeling rough and I called my sister to tell her that DP wouldn't be able to finish the job that day as he has COVID symptoms and we will need to reassess how to get these things finished due to isolation etc. All fine.

Anyway, now my sister is absolutely FURIOUS at both of us because sisters DP had text my DP asking him what time he was planning to finish up the job. DP did not text him back because he slept for the rest of the day and because I had already spoken to my sister and explained the situation.

APPARENTLY DP is incredibly rude and I acted like his secretary and we are monsters because DP didn't give her DPan update. After a huge argument she maintains that he/I/we WBU and our relationship is ruined irrevocably.

The way I see it was that I told sister that DP wouldn't be able to help that day so I can't for the life of me see what the bloody issue is

OP posts:
diddl · 01/01/2021 14:59

Oh I hate this "pregnancy hormones" shit!

She's being out & out nasty to her own sister whose partner is ill-possibly with covid.

I wouldn't even recommend anyone to them.

Let them sort out their own mess.

The man has to update the other man from his sickbed.
Hmm

Hankunamatata · 01/01/2021 15:02

You say baby is imminently due. I was a little (totally nuts) unreasonable the last few weeks of pregnancy

Wowthisisreal · 01/01/2021 15:03

Your DP should really have got a test straight away! No reason for a delay tbh, you could have had a negative result today and he could have been working on their house. Even if he felt better after one day, as he has had COVID symptoms he would still have needed a negative result to end his isolation.

CommanderBurnham · 01/01/2021 15:04

So basically reading between the lines:

You text your sister and tell her that your DP has symptoms and you text her the following day to see keep her posted.

She either fails to tell her husband or he flies off the handle, possibly not believing what you both have said.

He then texts your husband to either find out where he is as sister has failed to communicate, or to cross check. Your DH doesn't answer and he challenges your sister, or tells her that you all are lying.

She then challlenges you.

I think they think you both are lying about his symptoms and are making excuses not to do them a favour.

Call it off.

waterproofed · 01/01/2021 15:04

I reckon it’s just pregnancy hormones.

Normally, I’m am very laid back and nothing gets to me. During my pregnancies I was an angry screaming banshee - I felt anger like I never felt before. It passed and everyone survived. I hope your sister recovers her emotional equilibrium before damaging your relationship.

YANBU

Eddielzzard · 01/01/2021 15:17

Your sister's reaction is way off. It's tempting to tell her to get someone else to finish it if that's her attitude, but well, she's your sister. I would let things settle for a day or two and then see how the land lies.

Trollsinthedungeon · 01/01/2021 15:23

Hate these women who blame shitty behaviour on being pregnant. Doesn't take a lot to keep your mouth shut

TeddysTigerEyes · 01/01/2021 15:26

@AhNowTed

Entitled cheeky fuckers.

They'll come grovelling back though. CFs can't resist a freebie.

Yes this is 100% right. Cheeky twats. YANBU.
nyenc · 01/01/2021 15:28

Yanbu

Wheresmykimchi · 01/01/2021 15:28

@AnathemaPulsifer

YANBU. Quite how reasonable you are depends whether they were paying or not.
What does the payment have to do with anything?

OP unless there's a huge dripfeed YANBU.

Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2021 15:28

True. I shouldn't have raised to her shouting but this was the final straw to me after a handful of other instances during the pregnancy of her acting like a crazy person. I am usually the sensible one of the family and I let myself down on this occasion!

Pre-natal psychosis? (Yes, I think I made that one up). Pre-pregnancy, was she given to such extreme reactions?

Peachy66 · 01/01/2021 15:29

You say you let yourself down by shouting back to your sister ????
No you did not, you were defending your husband and his illness.
I personally would send her a text stating you are not prepared to put up with her and her partners moods any longer - pregnant or not & she should be grateful your husband was doing them a favour at no charge.
I would suggest to her to find another mug to finish her tiling. I would also expect a grovelling apology from them both.

If none is forthcoming I would stop all contact.
I am sure they need you more than you need them and I expect an apology will be forthcoming when they want another job done for free!!!!
They are taking advantage of your generosity.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/01/2021 15:44

"Anyway, now my sister is absolutely FURIOUS at both of us because sisters DP had text my DP asking him what time he was planning to finish up the job. DP did not text him back because he slept for the rest of the day and because I had already spoken to my sister and explained the situation."

So, either your sister and her DP had a communications failure (she didn't tell him your DP was ill, or he didn't listen), or her DP is an anxious sort (OK he's ill today but when will he get better and finish the job I need to know even if he doesn't know when he'll be better), or her DP is an entitled fuckwit.

Whichever it is, your sister and her DP are in the wrong, not you and your DP.

"They aren't covid deniers but definitely down players. Sister did intimate that she thought DP wasn't that ill."
Even if he felt tickety-boo he could still be infectious. Does your sister and her DP really want your DP exhaling virus all over their house? I'd think caring for a new baby whilst ill would not be a pleasant experience for them. Or do they downplay to the extent that it'd be no worse than a cold? Until your DP has been tested and given the all-clear, he shouldn't go to their new house.

I am not buying the 'pregnancy hormones' excuse. Only one of them can possibly have them, but bothof them are acting like entitled shits.

Godimabitch · 01/01/2021 15:46

Sounds like they had an argument because she didn't tell him what you'd told her and shes trying to blame you.

No way I'd be finishing the job for them now, they can get someone in to do it, absolutely no appreciation for the amount of free labour they've had off you.

SummerHouse · 01/01/2021 15:49

I think your sisters DP is taking it out on her and she is taking it out on you. Why would she be angry with you for your DP not texting her DP? Abusive and controlling behaviour can be triggered when the abusers partner is pregnant and if there are warning signs already it might be that it's got worse. If this was my sister I would write it off and start again. This is not her so something is not right.

2020isalmosthindsight · 01/01/2021 15:57

Your sister's being a cheeky entitled cow.

Of course you did the messaging; your DH was ill in bed, possibly with Covid, and you said you'd keep them informed. Only entitled arseholes would expect him to keep communicating himself about the FREE work he's doing for them under the circumstances.

I'd make it clear a full and sincere apology is in order before any more free work is done or they can pay some other poor soul to do the work.

rwalker · 01/01/2021 15:58

Fuck them off .

MLMsuperfan · 01/01/2021 15:59

I wouldn't be doing freebies for someone after that.

Original poster
ChickyNuggies · 01/01/2021 16:03

Thanks for all the replies!

I did say to her yesterday that DP was doing them a favour so they can't just click their fingers whenever they want something in their timeline and she just kept saying BUT HE OFFERED TO DO IT.

True, but that doesn't make him your employee unpaid intern

Does leave us in a quandary though as I don't think they could afford to pay someone to do it and we can't really leave them with a half finished job, can we?

OP posts:
PurpleMustang · 01/01/2021 16:05

How is your DP feeling about wanting to finish it assuming he is negative and better soon?

Original poster
ChickyNuggies · 01/01/2021 16:07

@PurpleMustang

He doesn't want to do it now at all (but he would if I asked him too) as he is hurt that they don't believe he is/was genuinely I'll and that they called him rude for not texting "Tim" back when he didn't feel it was necessary to do so

OP posts:
CommanderBurnham · 01/01/2021 16:10

Perfect. Tell your sister you're staying out of it, and for her DP to contact yours direct. Leave it up to your DH to decide.

GabsAlot · 01/01/2021 16:16

well seeing as they wanted dp text back they can now wait for his decision

not your problem they cant afford it

GabsAlot · 01/01/2021 16:17

and if the dont need a qualified person they can do it themselves-hence the name

diddl · 01/01/2021 16:20

"Does leave us in a quandary though as I don't think they could afford to pay someone to do it and we can't really leave them with a half finished job, can we?"

Why not?

Don't pressure him into doing it!