Ex didn't message the day of funeral ..aibu to be upset?

[maxxyboy]

My ex and I broke up in January but remained friends.
Spoke all the time and still got on well.
He was a prick sometimes but I just looked past it.
My grandma died in December and she brought me up and was a mum to me.
Anyway he said he was sorry etc then started being a bit nasty to me.
Anyway we had a argument two days before funeral.
The day after I apologised and said I was under a lot of pressure and was upset and felt like my world was falling apart (I wasn't even in the wrong but I always apologise to him as he never does )
Anyway he read it and no reply.
The day of her funeral arrived and no message.
I text after the funeral saying "that was so hard,I really don't know what to do now"
He read it and ignored
Never spoke since
Aibu to be hurt ?

So sorry about your grandma x

Op, I think you need to accept that you’ve text him twice and he hasn’t replied for a reason, he doesn’t want the contact. Also, for someone who is supposedly meant to be your friend to do that to you, is not a true friend. If your gran is as important as you say, I would not be contacting this arsehole again.

Why are you putting yourself through this.
Don't ever contact this awful man again.
Sorry about the loss of your Grandma x

Accept he is not the person you want him to be. That's why he is an ex. Delete him from your phone and all social media. Don't lower yourself by pursuing a non-existent connection any longer.

Narcissistic people use you when it can benefit them and discard you when it doesn't. He won't change. When you need him he will be absent but when he needs you he will expect you to drop everything to help him. Cut contact and never speak to him again. As you said a nice normal person wouldn't ignore someone they didn't even really know reaching out to them at such a time. He's so far away from being a nice normal person that he couldn't spare a minute to send you a comforting text.

Two very important things to learn from this:

People don’t change. They really don’t.

Do not pour yourself into helping/supporting/propping up people who don’t care, don’t reciprocate, and don’t value you as a person.

@nastygemsxxxx

this is misinformation hun xx you should't start a new topic you know nothing about x

Are you his mum?

You need to cut ties with him and move on. It's rare that people can be good friend's with their Ex, it's just too difficult to move on with life with them still hanging about. Bite the bullet and go NC. 2021 is a new year... a new life for you. Sorry to hear about your Grandma though.

I'm doing ok in regards to loosing my grandma.
I know she's watching over me with my mum /grandad /aunt /uncles /cousin
I think because I've lost pretty much all my family (I'm only 30) I wanted support from him.
I just wanted that feeling that he cared (god that sounds tragic doesn't it )
I've lost so many people I just wanted some stability in my life so I cling on so much when I should let go.
I think he is deffo narcissistic (our argument was he claimed I was )
He pushes you to snap then when you do he plays a victim.
I told him I was at breaking point and felt low and he didn't give a shit.
If he text me that ,I would be at his front door in a shot.
I would ring him.

The loss of a grandparent can be just as devastating as that of a parent. Many people do not understand that. Clearly your ex partner did not.

My grandmother was far more of a parent to me than my birth parents. When she died (back in the 1970s) I was devastated. I didnt want to go to the wake so I just took a couple of hours off work and then went in, all dressed in black. My boss had been flippant when I told him my grandmother had died, and told me "well paid leave is only for immediate relatives." After I came in he was again flippant and nasty. I was so upset I phoned HIS boss, and made a formal complaint. I also got the union involved. The big boss told me he was sorry for my loss and gave me the rest of the week off with pay to get over it. I later learned from the secretary of the big boss that he gave my boss down the banks for his callous and uncaring attitude.

Lets just say that my relationship with the boss was very cool and formal from then on. I never forgave him and rebuffed any attempts he made at social chat.

A few months later I was promoted and never had to work with him again.

You'd be there for him cos you are nice. He isn't.

YANBU to want someone to act like a normal decent person.

Doesn't seem like that is him, unfortuately.

So so sorry for your loss op.

YANBU for expecting some support- even just a response to your text- from a person who was close to you and who you have supported.

Unfortunately he has shown his true colours- he’s cruel and selfish. He’s not your friend.

It’s time to work on extracting yourself from this ‘relationship’. Make sure you don’t give him any of support in the future, and look to other people to support you through this really difficult time.

[quote maxxyboy]@diddl I just don't like to loose people from my life who have been important to me.
I wanted him in my life still [/quote]
Why ?
He's a ex he's not interested in supporting you in a difficult time so find someone who will .
Speak to your family a friend anyone but not him.

Op, you described him as a prick and a bit of a narcissist. And you split up a year ago. He is also still using you when he needs you.

You are still thinking he will treat you like a girlfriend and that he can change. He wont.

You need to block him and move on. He is taking up too much of your valuable time and head space.

So sorry to hear about all of your losses OP. You deserve so much better than this man who clearly doesn't care about you. Put your efforts into finding someone who will treat you how you deserve to be treated. He definitely doesn't deserve you.

Thanks guys.
If anyone sent me a message like that I would respond.
It's a sucker punch considering how close we were (or thought we were )
I will never speak to him again now,I think maybe this has happened for a reason.

@maxxyboy

I'm doing ok in regards to loosing my grandma. I know she's watching over me with my mum /grandad /aunt /uncles /cousin I think because I've lost pretty much all my family (I'm only 30) I wanted support from him. I just wanted that feeling that he cared (god that sounds tragic doesn't it ) I've lost so many people I just wanted some stability in my life so I cling on so much when I should let go. I think he is deffo narcissistic (our argument was he claimed I was ) He pushes you to snap then when you do he plays a victim. I told him I was at breaking point and felt low and he didn't give a shit. If he text me that ,I would be at his front door in a shot. I would ring him.

Staying around this bloke, looking for support, will simply leave you feeling worse than before.

He's not going to suddenly care about you. If he cared, you'd still be a couple.

To him, you are someone useful when needed.

So cut him off, block him. And do some therapy or the Freedom Programme to re-assert boundaries for now and for any future relationships, friendships, etc.

Oap - I could have written all your posts (and I also lost my grandmother whom I was extremely close to). Maybe we were dating the same guy

In any event, I completely understand you and do the exact same things. But I just had to accept that he's nit a nice person and only cares about himself and now I don't bother messaging him or supporting him through any if his sob-stories. It was hard at first, but now I don't miss him at all and focus on the MANY times he let me down rather than on how close we were.

Apologies for the typos - on my phone.

Oap = OP

big hugs OP. Maybe this has taken the blinkers off and you can now see that actually you are a giver and he is a taker, and there is no way that man will ever give a shit about anyone but himself

To be honest, I don't think this guy would be interested in supporting you even if you were still together. He sounds like a taker, a user, a drain on your resources. He let you think you were close, but he only had an eye on what he could get from you, the leech.

You're well rid. Block him so if he contacts you again looking for help with sorting out his blunders, he won't be bothering you.

It's hard losing loved people, but that doesn't mean every person who crosses your path will be worth your efforts. They won't be, and you deserve better than heartless wastes of oxygen than this bloke, you really do.

Your posts are interesting because you repeat the same thing each thing. 1. You are disappointed and surprised that he didn't support you and doesn't appear to care. 2. That he is an ex, a narcissist, a player, someone who takes and uses people.

Sorry for you loss. Grandmothers often give unconditional love.

At some point you'll move on, get therapy, or find enlightenment in self help books, or the Freedom Programme. At the moment your brain is going in circles that aren't logical. 1,000 posters could tell you to drop contact and move on, but you aren't hearing them yet.

You need to stop chasing after him and accept that you are not friends...he sees you as someone that is useful to him and nothing else

I'm not chasing after him anymore,not for conversation or anything.
If it's not given freely what's the point.

@maxxyboy well done to you and hoping that 2021 brings you happiness and joy.

I’m very sorry for the loss of your gran. I was extremely close to mine too so I empathise with you.

Please try to cut ties and move on from this Ex. You’re broken up a year now and you say you broke up because of his narcissism. Your communication has been all about him and for his benefit and upon this very important, sad time in your life, he can’t even be bothered to text to see how you were on the day of your gran’s funeral not even to reply to your text.

He’s shown you very much who he is and how little he values you. Yet you have a lot to give. Move on to fund the right person who will appreciate you and value all you have to give.