Ex didn't message the day of funeral ..aibu to be upset?

[maxxyboy]

My ex and I broke up in January but remained friends.
Spoke all the time and still got on well.
He was a prick sometimes but I just looked past it.
My grandma died in December and she brought me up and was a mum to me.
Anyway he said he was sorry etc then started being a bit nasty to me.
Anyway we had a argument two days before funeral.
The day after I apologised and said I was under a lot of pressure and was upset and felt like my world was falling apart (I wasn't even in the wrong but I always apologise to him as he never does )
Anyway he read it and no reply.
The day of her funeral arrived and no message.
I text after the funeral saying "that was so hard,I really don't know what to do now"
He read it and ignored
Never spoke since
Aibu to be hurt ?

@diddl Thankyou ,I'm ok
I just felt a bit upset that he didn't care enough to reply.
It is what it is tho isn't it

No one likes losing important people from our lives but that's just part of life. Neither break ups nor death are nice but clinging on isn't a healthy way to process the emotions that follow. I'd suggest you need to create a decent amount of emotional distance from your ex (even if you want to remain friends), it sounds like that's what he's been trying to do with you and you're mistakingly talking that as a slight.

I just thought if someone messaged you on the lowest day of your life (probably ) you wouldn't just ignore it would you?
Especially when you speak to them daily and we're a couple at one point.

He’s your ex, he doesn’t give a shit. Don’t go looking for comfort from someone you describe as a narcissist, that’s just hoping to be hurt

He's an ex so why are you speaking to him daily. That's not healthy in any way shape or form. He is narcissistic so he will not change nor can anything you do change him. Time to move one and cut contact for your emotional wellbeing.

Yanbu. Sounds like there are good reasons he’s an ex. I would let the relationship go now - he doesn’t care about you as a friend or partner, and you deserve better.

I’m so sorry about your grandma - hope you’re ok ❤️

It’s the lowest day of your life.

Not,of his.

Sorry but that’s what a narcissist will think like.

Sorry for your loss.

He's a narcissist.

He isn't going to change.

He won't suddenly start caring about you.

He will still ask for whatever he wants from you whenever it suits him.

He will never see the need to repay you for your support.

This is why he is your ex and why you need to cut all ties with him.

Move on and be grateful that you are free of him.

Please consider competing the Freedom Programme online so you gain an understanding of his behaviour and your responses to it. This could protect you in future relationships.

So sorry about your grandma

I think yiu need to ask yourself why it is important to you that he stays in your life.

As pp have said, he's an ex not a friend.

The reclaimed baggage website is helpful about this stuff.

Letting go of the emotional tie to ex partners is vital for you to be able to enter in a new relationship.

I think you’re trying to still have a relationship with him, one where you support each other like you’re a couple, and you need to accept you’re not.

Yes he could have been more supportive but you need to pull back and not rely on him emotionally. This doesn’t mean you need to loose him from your life, just not use him as your support system. At some point you will both have new partners.

Sometimes people will let you down in life and unfortunately it is often when we need our friends that we find out who is there for us.

You sound very reliant on him for an ex. Even if you are friends, all this texting and arguing and then texting anyway sounds a bit familiar. It sounds like an inappropriate relationship.

Stop contact . He is an ex. Just stop it .

'I'm sorry for your loss, op.

My friend was like you, way, way too dependant on other people and keeping her ex in her life. Her behaviour was too suffocating for him and he ended up cutting her out of his life as a friend, because she just couldn't let go of needing him to emotionally support her.I'm sorry op, but he's a ex, not your mate, he had no duty to stay around and be your emotional support, as harsh as that is.

It would havd been nice if he had replied. But last time you spoke you had an argument. He won't become more caring. You helped him and you expected the same which is reasonable. Try and move on.

@TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag

I’m sorry for your loss but please for your own sake, stop messaging him, stop trying to get him to show you any care at all. He is showing you that he doesn’t give a fuck. He’s your ex not your friend.

Yes THIS

Stop looking for support from an ex you know is a prick. That is not logical. You would be far better off posting here, on a bereavement board. xx

I'm sorry about your grandma

Ditch him, if you lose your job, you don't turn up to work for free

I am sorry for your loss OP but don't expect too much from your ex. You have said yourself he is a narcissist and has been nasty before. Don't fool yourself into thinking he will change. He won't. Would your Grandma want you to hanker after a relation with him? I think she would want the best for you and you could honour her memory by just letting go of him from your life. Take time to heal and, when the time and is right, find someone more worthy of you.
Have a very happy new year.

I know it's probably my wrong doing expecting him to magic himself into this caring guy.
It's just not him.
If it's not about him he's not arsed.
Some of our best conversations/heart to hearts were about him/his family/his life/his pain

He's an ex stop messaging him he doesn't care. Very cruel of him though and I'm sorry for your loss OP X

He is not your friend, and he doesn't have your back. I am sorry for your loss. It IS hard when you discover someone you have loved for a long time (and in my case have an adult DD with) doesn't give a shit. I am civil with mine for DD's sake. I managed to do graduation for her without stabbing him (result) and being remotely pleasant for DD. But he is not my friend. I was very sad about this for quite a long time. But as a wise MNer said, I have now reached the land of Meh with him, and I am free. It make take a while, as you are grieving your loss, and also the loss of the relationship you might have had with him, had he not been such a knob. But I believe you will get there in time. IME, trite, but true

Well, you have choices here

• forgive him, and let him back into your life the next time he needs something.
• see him for who he really is, an arsehole, and get rid of him permanently out of your life.
• keep allowing people to mess with your boundaries and don’t value your own worth.
• learn from this, set yourself good boundaries, and surround yourself with better people.

He sounds like a complete dick, and believe me - I have been there.
I know which ones are easy, and which choices are hard, but the hard ones are easier in the long run.

Sorry you've not got the support you wanted when you reached out for some. It is very hard. I'm in a position where I wanted to talk about a funeral (I couldn't attend because of covid) because I wanted to move on in grieving. All the family who were there don't see the point in discussing it (just where they are I guess). Unfortunately grief is very much an on your own situation unless it's someone who is genuinely "on your team". I'd look to a good friend or relative that you know will want to help x I hope you're ok.

He has moved on now. Sorry. Your turn to move on too now.

Did you see what you just wrote.
Him him him.
He doesn't care about you.