To hate my DH

[Whatsalot897]

He isn’t a bad person and will do anything for me and spoils me but he just isn’t the person I fell in love with and I feel myself shudder when he touches me. He has put on 25kg in 2 years, insists on having his kids here 50/50 but when they are does nothing with them ever and makes excuses to pop out for hours leaving them with me- doesn’t contribute towards the additional food etc I am expected to cover it all.
Is lazy and spends hours playing either computer games or games with my kids on devices then do 10 mins of cleaning and say he has helped.
But would it be unreasonable to tolerate it for the next 9 months and I am in a position financially to leave to him but we on count down until then

Another one i font like because it never seems to end is One day like this by Elbow.
It really is the Hey Jude for today!!!

Oops wrong thread!
I wa just reading about awful songs! 🎵

I agree he has his kids for the wrong reasons and explained that quality time is more beneficial than quantity but it’s deaf ears, he sees it I am saying not to have them which is not the case.

Just asked me why his kids washing wasn’t done

The correct answer to that is - "I don't know. Why wasn't your kids' washing done? What stopped you?"

I think listening on here has made me think the spoiling me etc is just sugar coating me to pick up the pieces so he has an easier life.
My kids are not here as at dads, his are here and so far he is on his second film, while playing on phone. I have cleaned kitchen, done 2 loads of washin, walked the dogs, loaded and unloaded dishwasher, hoovered, polished and done the bathroom.
His washing was left in the basket and when his kids asked me what’s for lunch I told them to go ask their dad he is sat doing nothing and I am busy right now. I am now taking the dog again with my eldest (who is 19 so stayed here) for some air and peace - changes are happening.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Just asked me why his kids washing wasn’t done

The correct answer to that is - "I don't know. Why wasn't your kids' washing done? What stopped you?"

Or, "because you haven't done it!!"

You are on the right path!

Wow, no wonder he likes 50/50. He doesn't have to pay maintenance and gets two women to look after his kids, while he plays games

Does he know you actually 'hate' him? That would surely kick him up the backside, to know the depth of your feeling towards him?

I never understand why people allow personal situations to happen then complain about those things years down the line. When couples decide to live together, then ground rules need to be discussed and agreed at the onset and kept to.

Clearly you aren’t happy with him, and him expecting you to entertain his kids is not really fair if he doesn’t make a decent effort himself.
I don’t get the 9months bit?

Leave now, or give him one last chance to lose the podge and be more hands on with the chores/ kids.

Op he sounds like a waste of space. As other posters stated earlier he had it made, a nice, hard-working, caring housekeeper, ATM on standby and babysitter.
The more you post about him the worse he sounds....

Ignore Sinful's really unhelpful post . Of course you want to do the best for your children. Knee jerk reaction of immediately fleeing with the children to live in a tent would not be the answer, which may be what Sinful is suggesting...There is only so much time you can spend saying the same thing to your DH, hoping he will 'get it' and change, when it would seem he doesn't have any intention of doing it. Been there, and eventually got out. Should have done it about 20 yrs sooner

I have cleaned kitchen, done 2 loads of washin,

There is a superstition that you should never do washing on New Year's Day, because you will wash someone out of your life.

You've done two loads.

That's him and his DD.

Get rid of them now. You don't want to make liars of us old wives, do you?

I was going to say that actually, I thought you were wrong to string him along knowing you were going to leave, purely for your own financial gain. This man is lazy and you’ve got yourself into a situation where you’re his skivvy, but you’ve not said he’s abusive.

You could have told him it was over, and lived separate lives while sorting out the house, finances etc even if you had to live together in the short term. He would have to be responsible for his own kids, washing and life in general.

I do think if somethings over, then it’s over and you owe it to the other person to be honest. Otherwise, it’s just not fair (although I’d not call it prostitution).

However in this case, it’s unlikely you’ll get the money back he owes you. So I think you might have to resort to being a bit sneaky until that gets paid back.

Hmmmmm some contradictions here OP

You’re at a financial loss through feeding his kids, however you’re going to remain living with him for the next 9 months or so, until you can afford the house and bills on your own. Therefore, he is obviously financially supporting you?

You say he’s lazy and does nothing but in a further post you say he does things with your kids, such as Pokemon hunting.... Could it be that he makes the effort with your kids and you resent his being there?!

I think you’ve got the ick from his weight gain as the rest of your post doesn’t add up to me.

So today has been the final straw and I have called it a day. I am doing a year training course as part of my full time time which includes university days and is a sort of top up/ stepping stone for my career and I have worked hard to get a place on it. Due to current climate obviously some of uni days are from home so via zoom and I have the full timetable. His ex has decided not to send DC back to school this afternoon despite schools being open and he has provided my timetable as days I will be home so can have his DC on his days- my poor DC will be in school full time as I am a key worker and can not study and home school but he expects me to have his while technically studying all day on zoom with set coffee and lunch- their mother doesn’t even work!
Final nail in the coffin of being used as a mug- best friend is going to help me recalculate finances and advertise 2nd car to clear things!

Plus the days I am not studying I will be at work at usual and then still need to complete uni work in my own time let alone have kids at home!

I would send a provisional invoice to them both.. Cfers...

Drop them off at his work place, how dare he!

No need they won’t be staying here with me as he has been told and so has his ex- I am not available or their childcare so if they need childcare I suggest they find it. I have also told him this was the final straw and showed no respect for me and I am done in the relationship

Hopefully he will move out sooner rather than later!

Well done Whatsalot897, life can only be easier from now on. 💐

Bravo!! Well done @Whatsalot897

You sound great.

That sounds like a good plan re 6/9 months.

But you have to promise to come and report back once you've moved on to an amazing new place without him for all of us nosy parkers!

Good luck, but I dont think you need it xx