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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can you love a dog as much as a child?

490 replies

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 31/12/2020 23:11

I’m not a dog owner and I don’t have children so I’m pretty clueless on this subject but genuinely interested! I work with someone who talks about her dog more than her own daughter and is constantly posting photos of her dog on social media.

So..is it possible to love your dog as much as your kids?

YABU- You cannot love a dog as much as a child

YANBU- You can definitely love a dog as much as a child

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 01/01/2021 02:18

@MyDogsAreBeautiful

I always think it’s a bit weird when people put their loved ones on some sort of list of who is loved most. Confused In our family, including pets, everyone is important. We’re a team.
I do think it's important as kids pick up on it when pets are treated better. My sister is a really crazy dog lady, her dogs have bitten her lids before (one needed surgery on her hand aged 10) and she had a panic attack at the thought of getting rid of the dogs - but not at the thought of them biting again (which they did). My niece is now 21, I'm very close to her and she told me a while ago that growing up she felt like her mum preferred the dogs over her and it massively dented her self esteem.

But hey some people are fine with that because, being such good loving people they are, don't see humans as more important than animals Hmm

Shadow21 · 01/01/2021 02:20

Humans are the same species as you, they should hold a higher value.
Why should someone hold a higher value due to likeness? This is deeply flawed and dangerous thinking. This is how we justify harming others, we focus on how they are different so they become less human to us, then we go on to justify doing what we like to them. It’s how whites justified enslaving black people, etc.

We have a natural bond with them, we rely on other humans for company and general living, and relationships with humans are far more complex than that with animals.
While I agree that relationship with other humans is far more complex I do not necessarily think this is a good thing. I don’t think the complexity of a relationship is indicative of the deepness in a bond that you have with someone (human and non-human alike).

MyDogsAreBeautiful · 01/01/2021 02:20

GlummyMcGlummerson

I’m so sorry to hear that. Xx

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2021 02:22

@Shadow21
I would completely get it. I don’t believe people are worth more than animals.
That's quite scary for someone about to have a baby. Nothing and no one should come before that child, and yet you think your baby isn't worth more than a dog who'll likely be dead in a decade.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2021 02:23

@MyDogsAreBeautiful

No one is saying pets aren't important. But the feelings most people have for their pets and their children are not the same and of you were forced to consider it, would be clearly in your children's favour

But it’s weird as fuck to do the burning building scenario. It’s probably never going to happen so it’s a very odd to make yourself make a choice.

But of you're engaging in the discussion it's a way of assessing it is all. You could just as easily use a sinking boat or the last piece of food in the house. It's a thought experiment
QueenPawPaws · 01/01/2021 02:23

I don't have DC but I imagine it's a different kind of love
I grew up with horses which are massive presence as in physically and they take up so much of your life. Lost her in 2019 and I physically collapsed when I found out
For me, she was my home so if I was upset or people were annoying me or something was going wrong, I would go to see her and ride or just hang out with her. She was my go to when things were shit
And then it was really, really shit because when she died, all I wanted was to go "home" and home wasn't there

I probably haven't phrased that well but it's how I felt

Mumsn0t · 01/01/2021 02:24

I have 2 dogs I have 4 kids.

I talk about my dogs with other people more than I talk about my my kids-lets face it, who else gives a shit about what my kids are doing/not doing?

I talk about my kids to those who ask or when it's relevant/funny/possibly interesting. And I will always assume that someone who doesn't have kids will not be at all interested in mine-I make a conscious effort not to talk about my kids to those who do not have children.

I never post pictures of my DC's anywhere online, I'm just too protective. I don't like seeing other people's pictures online of their kids-not interested for many reasons. In any case, kids are like farts you like your own, not that keen on other people's.

It's a lot easier to talk to another pet owner about dogs and cats!

MyDogsAreBeautiful · 01/01/2021 02:25

GlummyMcGlummerson

Well my kids treat our dogs like they’re the most important beings on earth so they’re fine with us adoring them too. Our kids are the centre of our world too.

Anyway, I’m not going to get in a debate about kids v dogs. It’s not like that in our house. Everyone is loved and gets what they need. We have a very loving household.

SueDeNimm · 01/01/2021 02:25

Almost all dogs are very loveable. Whereas unless the children in question are yours... it's a little less so.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2021 02:26

@GlummyMcGlummerson stay strong for her, have a cry but keep control, make sure Ex has the kids, come home and have a bloody good wail and a drink. What we can do for the people we love is amazing, you will get through it for her

GlummyMcGlummerson · 01/01/2021 02:26

Why should someone hold a higher value due to likeness? This is deeply flawed and dangerous thinking. This is how we justify harming others, we focus on how they are different so they become less human to us, then we go on to justify doing what we like to them. It’s how whites justified enslaving black people, etc.

Because the relationships we have, the way we interact, the way the whole world operates is based on our relationship with other humans. Not dogs. Look at the pandemic - coming together to help each other, clap for key workers, deliver food etc to neighbours, volunteer...this is humans working with humans at their best. That cannot be replicated with animals.

And the fact you're comparing favouring humans over dogs with racism is beyond hilarious.

Let me ask you - if your mum or dad (or a human you love, I presume you have one in your life?) were in a burning building or a strangers dog - why would you save your mum or dad? And if someone let them burn and saved their dog, would you not be disturbed by that?

While I agree that relationship with other humans is far more complex I do not necessarily think this is a good thing. I don’t think the complexity of a relationship is indicative of the deepness in a bond that you have with someone (human and non-human alike).

Complexity allows you to bond more deeply. We make friends with humans based on mutual compatibility. There's no mutual compatibility with let's because of the peer imbalance - they're with you because you chose them, they didn't choose you, and they (mostly) behave themselves in order to get fed and walked. I don't have friends who rely on me to have a basic existence and have that as the basis of a friendship.

MyDogsAreBeautiful · 01/01/2021 02:27

But of you're engaging in the discussion it's a way of assessing it is all. You could just as easily use a sinking boat or the last piece of food in the house. It's a thought experiment

Again, it’s very unlikely to happen so a bit pointless. My kids would save our dogs though and give them the last food in the house. 🤣

SueDeNimm · 01/01/2021 02:27

And I would say as a dog owner.. my dog gets far more attention from strangers and love from friends than most children do 😁. Not that she cares!

GlummyMcGlummerson · 01/01/2021 02:28

I talk about my dogs with other people more than I talk about my my kids-lets face it, who else gives a shit about what my kids are doing/not doing?

I think this is probably why OP's colleague talks about her dogs more. Other people's kids can be boring to hear about but who doesn't love a dog story! Also, dog stories are usually happy ones - how many times have you heard someone say "the dog was a right dick this weekend, told me to fuck off then are all my biscuits, bloody teenagers" Grin

GlummyMcGlummerson · 01/01/2021 02:31

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@GlummyMcGlummerson stay strong for her, have a cry but keep control, make sure Ex has the kids, come home and have a bloody good wail and a drink. What we can do for the people we love is amazing, you will get through it for her[/quote]
Thanks

Thank you @SleepingStandingUp that's very good advice. I've never been to a child's funeral before, I'm losing sleep at the thought of it. I'm shit with things like this, I am good at hugs though, I don't care what guidelines are cousin will be getting plenty from me on the day. Luckily exH has agreed to take the kids for a night so I'm allowing myself to wallow in grief, and wine.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2021 02:34

Best of luck to you all if that's the right words. You know what I mean. Flowers

Skylor · 01/01/2021 02:40

40%! Shock

Peacenquiet2 · 01/01/2021 02:46

#thistimelastweek sums it up perfectly

Skylor · 01/01/2021 02:46

People go for pets for the easy way out. They're animals domesticated by humans entirely to depend on you so you are the master/mistress to command their lives. Unlike children they dont talk back or spread their wings. People love them as the perpetual baby, a constant in their lives. Not very different to slaves. If people stopped keeping pets, they would not be bred for your companionship.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 01/01/2021 02:48

probably more

GrimDamnFanjo · 01/01/2021 02:54

It's a different kind of love but it shouldn't be dismissed as "only an animal." When I lost ddog this summer I was taken back at how much I grieved. Part of it was due to the shocking circumstances but I don't think there's a rule out there that says you love your dog less because they are a dog.
Yes I love my children more of course, but dog owners still love their pets very much, particularly those who don't have other close family.

Leannethom85 · 01/01/2021 02:55

Maybe she prefers to keep her childrens lives private and you know its best to post your pets pictures online rather than your kids, due to the high volume of people who add every tom dick and Harry to their social media. Most people do love their dogs as its part of thrur family, but they defo won't love their pets more than their children

Shadow21 · 01/01/2021 02:56

@GlummyMcGlummerson

I find it hard to explain but it all comes down to something called ‘Speciesism’. Speciesism is the differing treatment or moral consideration of individuals based on their species membership. This involves treating members of one species as morally more important than members of other species in the context of their similar interests.

Shadow21 · 01/01/2021 02:57

@GlummyMcGlummerson

www.bbc.co.uk/ethics/animals/rights/speciesism.shtml

This sums it up nicely.

bluetongue · 01/01/2021 03:07

I really, really love my dog. No kids so if I’m being honest he’s a bit of a child substitute. He is not however my child and I the love isn’t the same. If nothing else, you get a pet knowing you will outlive it (hopefully) so you can only love them for a short time.

There is no doubt I love my dog more than many of my family members (outside my parents and sister) a drill be devastated when he dies Sad

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