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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can you love a dog as much as a child?

490 replies

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 31/12/2020 23:11

I’m not a dog owner and I don’t have children so I’m pretty clueless on this subject but genuinely interested! I work with someone who talks about her dog more than her own daughter and is constantly posting photos of her dog on social media.

So..is it possible to love your dog as much as your kids?

YABU- You cannot love a dog as much as a child

YANBU- You can definitely love a dog as much as a child

OP posts:
SkinnyMinnieee · 01/01/2021 03:12

Some people probably love their pets almost as a substitute, but I reckon a vanishingly small number would fight a bear or step in front of a bus to save their pet.

theThreeofWeevils · 01/01/2021 03:13

To any posters with both children and dogs, you can be certain that I will prefer the dog.

Astella22 · 01/01/2021 03:25

It depends on the person and it depends on the dog. I think love is love at the end of the day so yes I think some people can (not all)

AlternativePerspective · 01/01/2021 03:34

Dogs absolutely build a bond with their people. Any dog owner knows this. No. They build a relationship with the person who feeds them, is nice to them, takes them for walks, they are bonded with the people they live with but that bond is generally superficial. If you rehomed your dog tomorrow they would settle into a new home within weeks and that bond would be transferred to their new humans.

Two examples:

My parents have a friend who has moved around a lot. She emigrated from abroad to here before the days of pet passports and the like and she felt that her dog would not have coped in quarantine, which to be fair, it probably wouldn’t have, because kennels are such a different environment to a home one. ‘So she rehomed him to friends and came home while in bits thinking about how much this dog would be pining for her, wondering in fact whether he would survive because he was so attached to her. A year later she went back for a holiday and went to see these friends, and her dog, imagining how excited the dog would be to see her, and wondering in fact whether she would be doing the dog harm when she left again.

The dog didn’t even go to her when she walked in their house. By then he was bonded to his humans,and she wasn’t one of them.

Secondly:

I have a lot to do with guide dogs. I have owned three of them in fact, and I think that it’s fair to say that the bond between a blind person and a guide dog is far different to that between a person and their pet, the guide dog is with them permanently for a start, is there when they cross roads, walk down streets, enabling an independence which many otherwise wouldn’t have.

But before the guide dog goes to that blind person, they go to a puppy walker for a year. A person who is there through their initial start in life, who is responsible for their traininkg, who sits up with them in those first nights when they have been taken away from their mum. And it’s fair to say that during that time they will build a bond with that puppy walker, and will consider them their humans. They don’t know after all that they will be moving on in a year.

And then they go into training and they go and live with a boarder. A different person who feeds them, takes them for walks etc, although the boarder does drop them off at doggy school every morning and take them home again at night.

And then, after all that, they are matched with a blind person, and they become that person’s constant. That person is their human, the one who feeds them, takes them for walks, is there with them. That person becomes their human and they bond with that person.

But unfortunately sometimes when a guide dog retires it is not possible for that person to keep them, if they get another guide dog for instance and are working full time then the dog is used to being with people all day and leaving it at home would be unfair on it. Of course, at the time it doesn’t know that, but it is then rehomed to someone who feeds it, takes it for walks, ... can you see a picture here? And those guide dogs don’t pine away. Many will recognise their owners if they visit them, but their bond is transferred to their new humans.

The bond PP talks of above is the bond which humans have with their dogs, the bond the dogs develop in return is not the same.

There was a thread on here a few months ago from a PP asking whether it was wrong to love her child more than her dog now that her child had been born. The responses on here were jaw-dropping. From people saying that the oP should rehome the dog and never, ever have another pet. That she was somehow abnormal for not loving her dog the same as her children, and yes, those saying they would save a dog from a burning building instead of their child. TBH I don’t believe that for a second, I think that posters just put that out there to be seen as being loving dog owners, any person who would genuinely save a dog above their child has no place having children.

SkinnyMinnieee · 01/01/2021 03:48

Tbh, much as dogs do love their owners, I reckon most could watch you get hacked to death and have got over it within a couple of days.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2021 03:52

@theThreeofWeevils

To any posters with both children and dogs, you can be certain that I will prefer the dog.
Could you have worded that in a less insulting manner?
MyDogsAreBeautiful · 01/01/2021 03:52

Tbh, much as dogs do love their owners, I reckon most could watch you get hacked to death and have got over it within a couple of days.

First we have burning buildings, sinking boats and who you’d give your last bit of food to in imaginary situations. Now you’re talking about being hacked to death. This place is weird. Doesn’t anyone just live with their kids and dogs and not think about these things. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeahnahmum · 01/01/2021 05:57

I love my dog to the moon and back. She is super special and part of my family. But it is not the same as loving a kid. People who say yes are people without kids. Or people with annoying kids perhaps 😉

No but seriously. There is a huge love for dogs and then there is that "nothing can stop me and i would die for you and walk to the end of the earth for you" kinda love for, that you feel for your kid

CaptainSandy · 01/01/2021 07:13

If you rehomed your children they'd form a bond with a new family too.

KnitsAndGiggles · 01/01/2021 07:20

52Mummyoflittledragon

theThreeofWeevils

To any posters with both children and dogs, you can be certain that I will prefer the dog.

Could you have worded that in a less insulting manner?

Why should they? Some people don't like your children

DeadButDelicious · 01/01/2021 07:50

I work with someone who talks about her dog more than her own daughter and is constantly posting photos of her dog on social media.

I have a dog and a daughter and I definitely post more about my dog than my daughter on social media but that doesn't mean I love my dog more, or as much as, my daughter. It means that I value my daughters right to privacy and think she should be the one to decide what her online presence should be, when she's old enough to do so. The dog however as a PP said, is fair game.

I adore my dog, I will be bereft when anything happens to her. When we lost our previous dog I grieved heavily for her. She truly was my best friend. I think humans can form deep and lasting bonds with the animals in their lives. But the love I have for my child, obviously, transcends that. I created her, I'd walk through fire for her.

That said, I definitely love my dog more than quite a few people. My dog is awesome.

saraclara · 01/01/2021 07:52

I talk about my dogs with other people more than I talk about my my kids-lets face it, who else gives a shit about what my kids are doing/not doing?

Sorry, but it's highly likely that people don't give a shit about what your dog's doing. I know a couple of people who constantly post pictures of their dogs and talk about them. Inwardly I'm rolling my eyes.

I love dogs and have owned them in the past, but why would I be more interested in what your dog did, than your kids?

AIMD · 01/01/2021 07:57

I don’t have dogs and am not much of a pet person so don’t really get the dog love thing.

However I can appreciate that for some people their dogs (or other pets) can be an integral part of their life and as important as a family member.

I couldn’t understand someone loving their dog more than their child though and I honestly don’t think most people would even think about which they love more anyway generally. However I can understand someone without children loving their pet more than their family/friends if they aren’t particularly close to them, or if they don’t have any.

It must be devastating for people, like elderly people with no relatives, when their beloved pet passes away. I know a few people locally who live with only their pets and love them like family.

Laureline · 01/01/2021 08:01

I wouldn’t die for my dog, but I would for my children.

But I have met one man who said he loved his 2 dogs more than his kids!

CakeRequired · 01/01/2021 08:06

That's quite scary for someone about to have a baby. Nothing and no one should come before that child, and yet you think your baby isn't worth more than a dog who'll likely be dead in a decade.

Wait @shadow21 is pregnant?! Jesus that poor child.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/01/2021 08:09

I love my dogs but not more than my kids.

I was really angry with a poster once on here who said she would ‘Judge’ anyone that didn’t give up their dogs to be eaten in an extreme case of food scarcity. Fucking hell, not only would I not care the slightest about being judged, I’d actually defend my dogs physically with weapons if someone tried to take them to be killed for food.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 01/01/2021 08:26

This is a horrible thread.

Love is love at the end of the day. Why the need to categorise and judge.

No one gets to tell anyone how to grieve either, be it animal, child or family.

Shieldingending · 01/01/2021 08:30

@thistimelastweek

I couldn't love a dog more than my children. Not even close.

But I could love my dog more than some other people's children.

Yes, this!!
AlternativePerspective · 01/01/2021 08:32

If you rehomed your children they'd form a bond with a new family too. Not in the same way they wouldn’t. That former life would always exist for them, it wouldn’t for a dog.

So, moving away from the extremes of burning buildings and the Texas chainsaw massacre, from a realistic perspective, most people will at some point take their dog to the vets to be put to sleep. Essentially, while it is for the dog’s benefit, those people will make a decision on when that dog will die, and will facilitate it.

That is all how it should be, after all, we have the ability to remove suffering from an animal.

But how many people would really take their children down to the hospital to be euthanised? Even in a case of extreme illness?

Mommabear20 · 01/01/2021 08:39

Absolutely! We have 2 dogs, 1 daughter and we're pregnant with our second baby, we have 4 kids! I know some people will say we're stupid blah blah blah, but the way we see it, species is irrelevant, WE as the adults decided to have each and every one of them and therefore they are our children 😁 they all stress me out no end and I'd die for each of them!

scentedgeranium · 01/01/2021 08:42

I have pondered this. Whilst my dogs are loved to bits and it feels a bit like they're my children, when they die (the dogs!) the feeling is searing and awful but fades to cherished memories within months. I can't imagine this would be the case if god forbid a child died.

BiteyShark · 01/01/2021 08:49

Absolutely love dogs more than children but that's why I have NEVER had a child but have a dog Grin

dontdisturbmenow · 01/01/2021 08:50

I would have said no way before getting my dog.

I didn't realise how much he meant to me until he got very ill. The way I felt then was so similar to how I felt when my kids were small and ill, it was quite unnerving.

It's not comparing because my kids are grown up, but the feeling is certainly very similar.

OldSpeclkledHen · 01/01/2021 08:51

I would. Don't have either. Would choose a dog EVERY time.

OuchAndOuchSomeMore · 01/01/2021 09:03

Could you have worded that in a less insulting manner?

What is insulting about that? Some people prefer animals to other people's kids. It's not a personal slight against your child, just not everyone finds them very interesting!

I, for one, would much rather see social media posts about someone's dog than their child. Other people's kids don't interest me. I don't stop and coo at babies in the street. I'd sure as hell stop to coo at a cute dog though Grin