Can you love a dog as much as a child?

[Bluemooninmyeyes1]

I’m not a dog owner and I don’t have children so I’m pretty clueless on this subject but genuinely interested! I work with someone who talks about her dog more than her own daughter and is constantly posting photos of her dog on social media.

So..is it possible to love your dog as much as your kids?

YABU- You cannot love a dog as much as a child

YANBU- You can definitely love a dog as much as a child

@LindaEllen

That's awful, your poor friend. Can't believe that another friend would actually say that. I get its hard to know what to say in that situation, but jesus, that's not even close to trying to show empathy.

Yes exactly @LindaEllen. I understand my friend was so upset when her dog died...but her life isn't destroyed. If I, God forbid, lost one of my dc, I know I'd never get over it and my life would never be the same again.

A dog will die and be replaced

What an odd way to think of it. People may get another animal, it doesn’t ‘replace’ the old one. Do people ‘replace’ their children if they have another after one dies. No.

@MyDogsAreBeautiful

A dog will die and be replaced

What an odd way to think of it. People may get another animal, it doesn’t ‘replace’ the old one. Do people ‘replace’ their children if they have another after one dies. No.

But people expect to outlive their pets...you don't expect outlive your children.

@MyDogsAreBeautiful

A dog will die and be replaced

What an odd way to think of it. People may get another animal, it doesn’t ‘replace’ the old one. Do people ‘replace’ their children if they have another after one dies. No.

There are threads in bereavement where a parent has lost a child. Have a look at the threads on the loss of pets too and see the difference in the kind of language people used when they have to depart with their pet. Not minimising the loss but there is no comparison at all.

This thread itself very clearly shows this. It’s a fact of life for most people.

They're incomparable. I love my dog as much as my DC and DP. But it's very different type of love, apples and oranges so you can't compare.

I find it horrifying that someone genuinely thought that losing their elderly dog was equivalent to the loss of a 17-year old son from cancer
How purile, how self-absorbed

@Puddingypops

The thing is, dogs are one of this worlds forces for good (in the main, I realise there are aggressive dogs but mainly they are not and the aggressive ones have learned that from a human).

They are loving, joyful, and innocent and trusting, this not only brings out a huge maternal and paternal instinct in people but their adoration of humans is hard to resist and not love in turn.

I love my dog with a true love, would I sacrifice him in one second for my kids? Yes of course! But that’s all, I would otherwise protect him with everything I have and I love him like a member of my immediate family!

So no, I do not love him the same as my children but neither do I love my DH the same as my children, or my friends. I don’t think it can be qualified as who would you let die first!? Moral and ethical issues come into that and not pure emotion, but I do love my dog and he loves me. ❤️

See, I think that’s nonsense. They’re domesticated animals, and pet ownership is good for people, physically and psychologically, as studies have overwhelmingly shown, and dogs in particular also get surges of oxytocin and vasopressin around their owners, so being in a loving environment is also good for them — but to ascribe them any moral qualities, because of their inability to feel unpleasant human emotions like spite or cruelty is a bit mad.

But people do replace dogs. When my sil's dog was coming to the end of his life they were contacting breeders and deciding which type of dog to have next. It's not uncommon or even uncaring behaviour (old dog had a long and wonderful life, and ran up some pretty large vets bills in the last few years- they didnt view him as disposable).

Am sure I remember a quote from someone (probably on here) who'd owned a dog for many years. She said it wasn't until she got married and had kids that she realised just how much she loved ... the dog.

@Candlesticking you misunderstand me, I don’t attribute dogs moral qualities hahaha, I’m saying that I cannot judge my love for my dog on who would I let die first the dog or a human. Because if MY moral and ethical feelings.

I would sacrifice my dog for any human because morals come into those choices but I love my dog more than I love a stranger on the street.

The conversation here seems to bring love down to who would you allow to die when I’m saying that’s not how I interpret love, love is love not a decision.

My kids are teens and I've just got a dog. We all love her and we all seem to show her effection more then to each other sometimes! She's eventhe first one the boys speak to when they wake up and normally they just grunt 😬. I think she just gives love and helps calm the household which isn't easy with teen boys. She is a puppy though and the only girl apart from me so even more precious. I think she's really helped us all through lockdown and become the centre of our world because she brings so much enjoyment and love.

It’s in incomparable, completely.

My kids come before any other living thing on the planet. However if it was a choice between my cat and someone else's kid it would be a hard choice. I would only choose the kid because society dictates I'd have to

@Candlesticking

British culture has a bizarre anthropomorphisation of dogs, though, more than anywhere else in the world I’ve ever lived. I first moved to England just after PrincessDiana’s death and thought the public hysteria was deeply strange, and then the first time I went to Sainsbury’s, I saw a woman step over a homeless man on the street outside to feed and pat his dog, without even giving the man so much as a glance.

You’re odd about death as a culture, and you’ve got a bizarrely sentimental attitude to pets.

This this this this this.

Excellent post @Candlesticking

Interestingly I remember reading an article about Princess Diana's death about how the OTT public grief was likely repressed personal feelings of grief of individuals suddenly bursting through because they had an outlet to do so. I've explained it badly but it did make sense

I always thought my mates with kids were mad when they said you don't experience a love like you have for your kids.

Then I had a kid.

Our cat is 100% family and I love him to bits, as I did our family dog as a kid, but really, you love your kids a whole heap more!!

I think the petting and stroking and stopping of strangers is because a lot of people find animals cute in a way they just don't with other people's kids.

Or perhaps it's because it's no really acceptable to stroke other people's kids. Which, as I said earlier, shows how we MUST be valuing our children more - we are wary of strangers pawing at our kids, but our dogs are fair game.

Seriously saddens me how judgmental people can be. We all love differently, we all have different life experiences leading to what/ how we love. Why do people constantly have to break others down and berate them for their emotional feelings. 😔

@formerbabe

I think the petting and stroking and stopping of strangers is because a lot of people find animals cute in a way they just don't with other people's kids

I find human babies absolutely adorable. I don't find dogs cute...I am genuinely perplexed when people coo over dogs and say they're beautiful...I cannot see it. I don't wish animals any harm and I'd be upset to see one in pain but I cannot view them as cute or beautiful.

Totally agree with this @formerbabe - when I see a newborn I want nothing more than to coo and cuddle over it but that's not really the done thing so I, at best, just give "aw she's gorgeous" or a friendly smile

The dog doesn't answer back half as much.

I don't know why people list this as a quality of a dog. They don't answer back because they can't

The dogs always happy to see me, is not ever embarrassed by me, loves it when I sing to him, and I am the centre of his little world. He's always up for a walk, and a cuddle, and would join me in a heartbeat for any meal i could offer him.

Because you are his master, you feed him and walk him, it's not a reflection on what he thinks of you as a person.

I much prefer the complexities of human relationship than I do a subservient being who "loves" me because I've enslaved it and otherwise it wouldn't get fed.

They are loving, joyful, and innocent and trusting, this not only brings out a huge maternal and paternal instinct in people but their adoration of humans is hard to resist and not love in turn.

It's easy for a creature that is pretty docile, not very complex, doesn't speak and is bred to be obedient to a T, to have all these "qualities". Their adoration of humans is about survival. Humans have domesticated them to be adoring and it's quite cruel IMO.

@LindaEllen that is horrific, your poor friend. Unfortunately I think a lot of people see it as the same kind of loss, which is why o don't tend to trust dog-mad people

Do people ‘replace’ their children if they have another after one dies. No.

Exactly - but they'd get another dog to fill the void. More children will never fill the void. My cousin who just lost her 1yo to cancer is due her 2nd in six months. This baby won't be a replacement of her son or fill the void he left.

See, I think that’s nonsense. They’re domesticated animals, and pet ownership is good for people, physically and psychologically, as studies have overwhelmingly shown, and dogs in particular also get surges of oxytocin and vasopressin around their owners, so being in a loving environment is also good for them — but to ascribe them any moral qualities, because of their inability to feel unpleasant human emotions like spite or cruelty is a bit mad

Agree. I always judge people who say things like "a dog is never cruel" oh except when it bites people - well you don't know do you, maybe your dog thinks you're a total cunt. Easy to write off something that can't speak and is so very dependent on you for survival as "not cruel".

No. I adore my dogs and will be devastated when they die. But it isn’t comparable to my love for my children. I do post a lot of pictures of my dogs on social media because I don’t require their permission and they are unlikely to find it intrusive or object to their online presence!

My dogs answer back 😂