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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was she being unreasonable or smart?

148 replies

Shouldputcheeseonit · 31/12/2020 11:36

Totally lighthearted, sharing for lighthearted opinions!
Spent Christmas Day At MILs with DH, BIL, SIL and our kids. In the afternoon when the kids opened their chocolates we asked them to offer them around, MIL had a box out too, and DH opened his.
SIL took one every time she was offered but didn’t eat them, put them in her handbag. I’d estimate by the end of the day she had about 15 chocolates in there! I felt amused, but DH and MIL had a rant about it after SIL and BIL had left, saying you shouldn’t take a choc unless you intend to eat it.
Was she being unreasonable or is it rather smart to save them for later, if you don’t fancy them now? I reckon she would have had a nice pre-bed snack!
Yes: she was unreasonable, only take if you’re going to eat
No: what a good idea, save them for later!

OP posts:
Franklyfrost · 31/12/2020 19:42

One chocolate in handbag for later is okay. Fifteen is greedy and really really weird. Sure it’s being offered unconditionally but you’d have to be so mean and so desperate for sugar to hoard children’s Christmas chocolates. I quite like imagining the other things in her hand bag, lots of loo roll saved for later seeing as it was offered...

Dacquoise · 31/12/2020 20:34

Couple of slices of Turkey. Some roasties. Brandy butter.

Dyrne · 31/12/2020 20:45

@Hollyoakswatcher

OMG, I do this and it never occurred to me that someone would actually keep note of what I put in my mouth.

If they are being offered why should I miss out just because I don’t want to eat it straight away.

In fairness, the OP clearly indicated she was idly wondering and didn’t actually care.

She did, however, make the mistake of posting on MN which at the moment is inviting vile character character assassination of whoever gets posted about Hmm

AliceMadHatter · 31/12/2020 22:35

There is nothing wrong with a doggy bag offered at the end of the get together but sliding 15 chocolates offered from children into your handbag because you are saving if for later is just weird.

MrsClatterbuck · 31/12/2020 23:03

Keeping three or four chocs but 15. Not sure about that and I definitely wouldn't take chocs of a child.

MrsClatterbuck · 31/12/2020 23:06

Just a thought does this mean all the other adults has 15 chocs each. Bit excessive for my taste. I'm assuming these are the large tubs as 15 chocs out of a box wouldn't leave very many

TooMinty · 31/12/2020 23:20

Seems a bit weird to me. If I'm offered a chocolate I would either take one and eat it or say no thanks. I would only take something and not eat it if the giver was really insistent. Then I'd try to make DH or DC eat it. And only as a last resort would hide in my handbag. Does she have other unusual eating habits? Do you see her eat or does she wait until you are not there?

Bluntness100 · 31/12/2020 23:28

Ok let’s be honest, when offered something at a social event like this, you take it And consume immediately or decline. What you don’t do is say yes, and then put the biscuits, sandwiches, drinks, cheese, crisps or chocolate in your hand bag for later.

Andylion · 31/12/2020 23:44

What I would find odd is being offered a chocolate with the condition that I eat it immediately in front of the offerer. That would be bloody weird to me.

I think when food is being offered in this instance, it's about sharing the experience as well as the food. Saving it for later is weird.

RAOK · 01/01/2021 00:43

15 chocs is a lot to take from a child. I admire her willpower though. What has she done in previous years?

Lucidas · 01/01/2021 00:50

I’m sure the children will get over a few missing chocolates from each of their boxes. Plus isn’t the consensus that it’s good for them to learn to share?

But yes it’s weird behaviour. A couple of chocolates if she wasn’t feeling like eating them at the moment, sure. But that’s a big amount to squirrel away...

Hollyoakswatcher · 01/01/2021 02:18

I don’t understand the opinions on here, yes 15 chocolates is a lot to put away but surely it’s worse to have eaten them?

TonMoulin · 01/01/2021 09:44

@Lucidas

I’m sure the children will get over a few missing chocolates from each of their boxes. Plus isn’t the consensus that it’s good for them to learn to share?

But yes it’s weird behaviour. A couple of chocolates if she wasn’t feeling like eating them at the moment, sure. But that’s a big amount to squirrel away...

It was their Christmas present!! Would you have been happy to give away half of your bottle of wine ‘just because it’s good to learn to share’ or would have you have kept the bottle to drink at home instead? What about another adult saying they can’t drink just now because they are driving so they are keeping their couple of glasses in a bottle to take home instead?

I’m pretty sure most adults would keep their bottle of wine for themselves. Why aren’t children not allowed to do so too?
No one would keep some wine in a plastic bottle for later, or some pate, smoked salmon etc.. in their hand bag. So why is it ok to do with chocs?

TonMoulin · 01/01/2021 09:46

What I would find odd is being offered a chocolate with the condition that I eat it immediately in front of the offerer. That would be bloody weird to me.

What I find weir is any adult who thinks that being offered something to eat means an order and they can’t NO. I mean no one had put a gun on her head when proposing said chocs.
If you don’t want a choc, you just say No, Thank you, like any polite adult.

whattodo2019 · 01/01/2021 09:47

Rather odd if nothing else!!!

Bluntness100 · 01/01/2021 09:48

Plus isn’t the consensus that it’s good for them to learn to share

Gosh, yes, you’re right, take kids Chocolates on Christmas Day and squirrel them in your hand bag to teach kids a lesson. 😂

AfterSchoolWorry · 01/01/2021 09:49

Sounds very tight to me!

Is she normally miserly?

DENGREEN · 01/01/2021 10:13

Weird behaviour. And rude. Is she really tight? Like the people who squirrel buffet food into their bags; or hotel guests who take rolls and fruit from the breakfast buffet to eat later.
After she had secreted the first five or six chocolates maybe you should have produced a new, unopened box and said ‘There you are. Take these home. It will save you going home with squashed chocolates in your bag ‘
😊

WombatChocolate · 01/01/2021 10:23

A number of things rather strange here. Being offered sweets 15 times during 1 afternoon seems a lot to me to start with. Don’t most people offer a box round once or twice and that’s it. Most people if offered 15 times, wouldn’t take that many times anyway....I’d imagine those doing the usual thing and popping into their mouth the sweet they had taken, wouldn’t have each eaten 15.

People seem to confuse choice, rights and manners here. No-one is forced to accept something they have been offered. When sweets or snacks are offered round, frequently some people will decline. All fine. And this thing about choosing when to eat treats etc....well yes, everyone can choose for themselves when they eat treats or if at all, but the usual thing when being offered treats at a hosts house, is that the treat is for there and then, in the same way the meal is for that meal time. When you go to someone’s house, the invitation (if there were one) would say ‘you are invited for dinner’ not ‘you are invited for a meal, which you are free to remove and eat at any time convenient to you in any location of your choice’

So, whilst, no-one would probably bat an eyelid, if someone offered a sweet said ‘oh these are my favourites, I hope you don’t mind if I save this for later as I’m just so full after that lovely meal’ and slipped ONE into their bag, that is a very different scenario to squirrelling vast quantities.

When you go out in public, social norms and manners come into play. Your usual unusual eating times or habits might need to be adjusted slightly. For example you cannot determine the exact time of meals or exactly what is offered. No one needs to eat things they don’t want, but the idea that because usually you eat at a different time, the food should all be available as a takeaway for your own convenience, is just missing the point of being sociable. Unwillingness to make any adjustments or to accept that whitest in someone else’s house, one just goes along with what is happening, accepting and dealing the hospitality offered as necessary, seems odd to me.

Ultimately, squirrelling 15 chocolates is surprising and indicates some likely underlying issues. It could be total lack of social awareness, but is more likely to be something about social anxiety or food control issues. It’s going to be more than just being a bit rude and unaware of the issue of taking candy from the baby, or that food offered is offered for that point in time.

But the thing that surprises me is all the people who then popped up to suggest that when out enjoying the hospitality of others, that they feel they should be able to take food home, if not fancying it at that point, and how little social awareness or flexibility about eating times or types of food people seem to have....that they only see exactly what they want and have no sense or fitting into a social occasion. Perhaps for a lot of people, their only outing if the year is for Christmas and they are unable to make any adjustments to their daily routine. I guess I’m just surprised at how widespread this seems to be, rather than just a tiny number of people.

Trickyboy · 01/01/2021 10:56

^ This. Every word this.

Trickyboy · 01/01/2021 11:02

And especially this section

But the thing that surprises me is all the people who then popped up to suggest that when out enjoying the hospitality of others, that they feel they should be able to take food home, if not fancying it at that point, and how little social awareness or flexibility about eating times or types of food people seem to have....that they only see exactly what they want and have no sense or fitting into a social occasion. Perhaps for a lot of people, their only outing if the year is for Christmas and they are unable to make any adjustments to their daily routine. I guess I’m just surprised at how widespread this seems to be, rather than just a tiny number of people

I will help you out with an answer. It's called 'entitlement' . Been VERY prevalent this year. So many people seem completely devoid of the ability to put others before themselves. Completely wrapped up in their 'rights' wants and needs ..

No it's not OK to take sweets from someone else's present and put them in your handbag. ! Dont care if you don't want to eat them there and then .. take 1 eat the thing. Refuse it if your don't want to eat it. What the fuck is wrong with people.

Sinful8 · 01/01/2021 12:49

"This ^^ That behaviour screams disordered eating to me. Its not at all normal to hoard chocolates. If you don't want one at the time of being offered you say no. Normal adults don't squirrel them away in their handbags for later."

Wtaf? This site is gull of secret chocolate hoarding, hidden stashes and borderline marriage breakups when said stash is raided

Sinful8 · 01/01/2021 12:52

@TonMoulin

What I would find odd is being offered a chocolate with the condition that I eat it immediately in front of the offerer. That would be bloody weird to me.

What I find weir is any adult who thinks that being offered something to eat means an order and they can’t NO. I mean no one had put a gun on her head when proposing said chocs.
If you don’t want a choc, you just say No, Thank you, like any polite adult.

You think that lunatic family wouldn't have made a big deal out of her saying no?

Maybe she learned its just easier to take them and throw them out later than argue.

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