To not let strangers in my bedroom and bed?

[nyenc]

Have nc'ed just incase.

I had been in hospital for 3 days with confirmed influenza A. I've never felt so poorly (get your flu jabs!!) I was discharged with a 2 week sick note and told by the dr not to go back to work earlier as I could still be contagious in this time.

At the time I lived between my parents and my DP's parents 50/50. As I was poorly I stayed home after being discharged. Once home I was absolutely wiped out, totally exhausted and still felt pretty grotty.

My mum came in my room and told me that she had invited her friends who live abroad to come and stay as they had a chemotherapy appointment to attend at a nearby hospital. I don't know the friends, and it's a 2 bed house! I said well where are they going to go?

Turns out my mum wasn't counting on me being home 100% of the time recovering and wanted me to give up my bedroom and my BED for this couple!! She wanted me to sleep on the couch.

I was angry and also disgusted at the thought of gross strangers being in my bed and in my room with all my things. I said no, I'm poorly and that's besides the point, I don't want people in my room with my things and in my bed. (Bed, mattress and furniture all my own, not purchased by my parents).

I said they can afford a travel lodge and told my mum she was out of order, I'm not doing that.

It really affected our relationship, she got very huffy about it and ended up being annoyed as she had already invited them. I don't even understand why someone undergoing chemo would want to come in a house where someone is recovering from influenza A.

Lots of past history with my parents being a nightmare in general, which probably makes this feel worse for me. I have since moved out with my long term DP and life is much, much better.

Was IBU to put my foot down? My mother still certainly thinks so.

I'm really sorry to hear about your DB, though, OP, that's really tragic.

I'm sorry about your Dbro.
Put the whole thing out of your mind if DM brings it up again tell her "build a bridge and get over it".
Don't let it take up anymore of your thoughts.

The idea of strangers (I've never met them before) sleeping in my bed is really gross to me. Even now, I feel the same way. Have discussed this with friends today and they felt the same way, they wouldn't like it.

If you're used to having guests in your home and have had to give up your bed for others before then I can see how I sound dramatic. I however, have never had to do this, not even as a child, so the situation seems very unusual to me.

I don't want other peoples sweaty bodies in my personal bed. It repulses me.

Thank you @Emeraldshamrock

Interested to know if you have ever slept in a hotel bed?

But it is your parents house and they are entitled to invite people
You would obviously change the sheets and have you never been on holiday or stayed away
Unreasonable whilst you were sick to expect but you were not when they invited and if attending a chemo appt pretty sure they wouldn't stay in a house with someone with flu anyway

But it's one thing saying that he idea of strangers in your bed is 'gross'. (Though as the bedding would have been changed, that really makes no sense to me and is pretty irrational IMO.) But it isn't what you said. You referred to them as 'gross strangers', which is very unpleasant and also very juvenile.

We usually went away on holiday to our own house where I had my own bed. I have of course stayed at hotels too but a hotel bed isn't 'my bed' it's a neutral space. It's not someone coming into my bedroom, its different.

That's fine @Mittens030869 but it has very little to do with the actual situation I asked opinions on.

I'm sorry, but you really are making no sense, no matter how you justify it.

@AverageContents

You'd been an adult for years, so could have moved out.

It happened two years' ago.

Grow up.

This

I was explaining why you got the reaction you did. It's what led to the pile-on, which you must know happens on AIBU.

It sounds as though your DM is still annoyed about your refusal
But . You have your own life now and your own home and are entitled to make your own decisions.
However there seems to be a price to pay if you don’t “obey” so the choice is do what you are told to keep the peace or suffer her displeasure.
In the long run I suspect that if you opt for the second course of action she will eventually give up asking.
As to the displeasure, maybe have a frank discussion with her. Ask how long it will continue and if that is a sensible way to behave. I don’t think you will be in any extra trouble if you continue standing up for yourself

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff yes, true.

I think there's been so much water under the bridge now between my parents and the rest of us, that kind of discussion is futile. They make so many bizarre decisions, I could be here hours telling you! But I appreciate the response.

I think next Christmas will be just us, they're not here most of the time anyway. Their loss I suppose.

I can understand at the time it being annoying as you had just got out of hospital and wanted to recover in your own bed. But to still be pissed off about it now and call it gross to have others sleep in your bed is weird. You do know you an wash sheets right after people have slept in them.

OP, you said you are asking because you are not sure what a nirmal relationship is.

I lived with my parents as an adult. We have a good relationship. In this situation it would have gone something like this
Mum - steppe, my friend's coming to UK and is ill and I'd like to offer for her to stay her. Can you stay at DPs that week, or else sleep on sofa so they can have your room?
Me (perhaps not 100% thrilled, but recognising that that is the easiest way for her to accommodate a guest) OK.
Then I get sick and am recouperating in my room.
Mum - tells friends that I am ill (because of the chemo) and works to make alternative arrangements. Perhaps she is less than 100% thrilled that she has to put friends off, but given I have been in hospital, it is necessary.

Whoel scenario is reasonable and neither of us feels the need to bring it up later, it is just one of those things that happens.

What I think is out of proportion/not right here is

1. she didn't ask/discuss or plan it with you hwen it involved you and your room and where you would be sleeping. Pretty unreasonable. If you had been away form home eg at uni, fair enough, but as you were expecting to sleep in the bed it is veyr odd not to ask beforehand
2. that she wasn't going to tell her ill friend that you were infectious (says a lot about her need to play lady bountiful)
3. that once you were ill, she still thought it was OK to put you on a sofa/kick you out. Really? I wouldn't kick a stranger out of bed if they were ill.
4. Your reaction to people using your room is OTT. I understand that you feel it is your privacy etc, but it is pretty easy to clear out a drawer, remove anything confidential and put clean sheets on a bed. In most houses guests use the beds in the house! My kids are expected to sleep on air mattresses on each other's floors if we have guests coming, so guests can use their beds.

I however, have never had to do this, not even as a child, so the situation seems very unusual to me.

Really? But if its only a 2 bedroom house where did visitors sleep? Did you never have a grandparent, aunt, uncle, family friend etc come to stay?

I really do think that's exceptionally unusual.

@nyenc

We usually went away on holiday to our own house where I had my own bed. I have of course stayed at hotels too but a hotel bed isn't 'my bed' it's a neutral space. It's not someone coming into my bedroom, its different.

Well, lucky you, but is there any reason why you are extending this unusual expectation into adulthood?

And wjsy did you mean by later saying that your parents aren't around now most of the time anyway? Why should they be? You're an adult!

You seem to have unusually high exiectations of your parents involving being a spoilt brat. I dont kniw what else there is to this, none of the things you have complained about seem that bad.

OP, hopefully you do now know this, but your parents don't sound at all normal to me. If you were my daughter and had been as ill as you were, I would have been looking after you and helping you get back to full strength. I wouldn't have been inviting people to stay, particularly when that involved kicking you out of your own bed! I can understand why you were hurt.