To not let strangers in my bedroom and bed?

[nyenc]

Have nc'ed just incase.

I had been in hospital for 3 days with confirmed influenza A. I've never felt so poorly (get your flu jabs!!) I was discharged with a 2 week sick note and told by the dr not to go back to work earlier as I could still be contagious in this time.

At the time I lived between my parents and my DP's parents 50/50. As I was poorly I stayed home after being discharged. Once home I was absolutely wiped out, totally exhausted and still felt pretty grotty.

My mum came in my room and told me that she had invited her friends who live abroad to come and stay as they had a chemotherapy appointment to attend at a nearby hospital. I don't know the friends, and it's a 2 bed house! I said well where are they going to go?

Turns out my mum wasn't counting on me being home 100% of the time recovering and wanted me to give up my bedroom and my BED for this couple!! She wanted me to sleep on the couch.

I was angry and also disgusted at the thought of gross strangers being in my bed and in my room with all my things. I said no, I'm poorly and that's besides the point, I don't want people in my room with my things and in my bed. (Bed, mattress and furniture all my own, not purchased by my parents).

I said they can afford a travel lodge and told my mum she was out of order, I'm not doing that.

It really affected our relationship, she got very huffy about it and ended up being annoyed as she had already invited them. I don't even understand why someone undergoing chemo would want to come in a house where someone is recovering from influenza A.

Lots of past history with my parents being a nightmare in general, which probably makes this feel worse for me. I have since moved out with my long term DP and life is much, much better.

Was IBU to put my foot down? My mother still certainly thinks so.

Why on earth are you writing about this when it was 2 years ago? What do you think happens when you stay in a hotel? 'Gross strangers' stay there....

@nyenc
So did you get your way in the end, with your parents’ friends staying elsewhere, or did you end up on the sofa?
And if you hadn’t had the flu, would your parents have been reasonable to assume you would have been at you DPs , when the invitation to their friends to stay with your parents in their own home, was offered?

They had made the offer already. So didn't want to let their friends down. You should have moved back to your dps

Ultimately, while you may have paid for your mattress, it’s their room in their house.

I have a full house with adult and teen kids. When my parents come to stay (generally once a year), one of my older kids is kicked out of their room. They work and have personal crap all over their room. I don’t really care. People in their 80’s are not good on a pull out bed whereas a strapping lad in their 20’s should have no problems for a few weeks. It’s a bit of inconvenience not having their regular permanent space for a bit but that’s life. They don’t own their mattress as you do yours but even if they did and they complained as you are doing I would tell them to take it to a public park and have a good nights sleep with it there. FFS.

So to clarify, this was your parents house and your parents room? Not your own house? I think YANBU in that you were sick and so to ask you to sleep on the couch is not very thoughtful, but in every other respect YABU. It is their house, they own it, just because you live there as an adult doesn’t give you a veto on how they use their space. My siblings have both lived at home as adults and would definitely have been expected to move from their rooms for a few days if necessary if guests came to stay without a fuss. It would be different if you were living there paying full market rent but it sounds like you weren’t paying anything. You sound quite entitled.

Although I do agree it’s odd someone undergoing chemo would choose to stay somewhere where a household member had flu.

This is why people need to move out of their parents house when they reach adulthood and start having strong opinions about how the house should be run. It sounds like you needed to overstay past that point (for valid reasons) and it inevitably caused some butting of heads.

It was not a big deal though, and YABU to drag it up now and use it to fuel feelings of outrage and victimisation just because you have fallen out with your parents. You moved out (a bit late) now move on.

Sorry OP I’ve read some of your replies and see you have moved out so problem solved.

You were 22 so quite rightly paying and cooking your own food. They gave you the opportunity to live rent free while you saved. Just because they were abroad with no mortgage does not mean they had to do this for you. They could have rented it out properly and got some income off it and council tax paid.
They could have declared it empty with works being carried out and had a council tax holiday.
The fact they’ve only got a 2 bed house shows they don’t want their grown up kids living with them full time - it’s just for visitors including their friends.

No not a long time ago, it was 2 years ago. I was 22
Oh ffs, please grow up OP. Your parents clearly made a long-standing commitment to a friend in need that they were very reluctant to renege on. If you were discharged from hospital your were clearly ok. Get over this. You sound very petty.

Wow...two years ago?!

A very specific tune from Frozen comes to mind.

Was IBU to put my foot down? My mother still certainly thinks so

Your mother is right. You can put your foot down in your own house, when you are living in someone elses as an adult, you can't.

Were you even paying anything to them, room or board?

Op, is there a back story here? Do you suffer from any mental health issues? You must be what 24/25? It’s not healthy to be so hung up on a petty incident a couple of years ago.

I was going to say YANBU just from the title, no one gets in my house let alone my bedroom

but

Its NOT your bedroom and NOT your house, that makes it completely different, you werent even living there you where mooching between multiple houses... you dont get to dictate what your parents do in THEIR house, that is unreasonable.

also on the bed thing, have you never slept in any bed but your own? obviously you have because you have been sleeping around other houses and I bet you stayed in hotel rooms etc... so your 'eww people in my bed' thing is ridiculous.

A assume you had no qualms about recovering in the hospital bed also previously used by scores of strangers....or did you insist they brought you a new one in!

This would be such a none issue for me.
I think it must be the tip of the iceberg for it to be even thought about such a long time afterwards.

@Justnormajean

So no, they didn't come, my mum wasn't going to tell them about me being ill. I told her she needed to because it wasn't safe, once she told them they happily stayed with their own children.

Someone else said 'I should have gone back to my dp's' I was still ill and to my knowledge still contagious. I very much doubt my DP's parents, as lovely as they are, would have appreciated me bringing influenza A into their home where they and their young child lived when I have my own home to go to.

Point taken, 2 years ago, get over it, bla, bla. Never had normal parents who make normal, rational decisions so my perception of what's normal and what's not is a little skewed.
I'll leave it there.

I had already posted that YANBU and that in the circumstances the friends should have paid for a Travelodge. Having re-read your OP and seen that the friends were coming from abroad, YADNBU - if they can afford plane tickets they can afford a Travelodge.

I’d consider it completely normal to be expected to give up my bed to a guest. Growing up, that happened all the time. And as an adult, I expect my dc to do so too. When my dps or pils stay over with us, they get our bedroom because it has an en-suite.

Expecting someone recovering from flu to sleep on the sofa isn’t right, nor is giving a chemo patient a room full of flu virus.

But giving up a bed for a guest, imo is basic manners.

Their house their choice unless you actually rented a room from them? Honestly you sound ridiculous.

No person getting chemotherapy should stay in a house with flu. I'm surprised they accepted, did they know?

Another who thinks let it go. Also if you lived elsewhere half the week, I don't think it's that unreasonable to expect you to stay there while guests were at your parents home. The flu complicates things but was the invite prior to your flu? If so I wouldn't take my invitation back but expect you to stay at your bfs

YABU. You wern't even living there fully at the time. I think your parents made this up to get you to move out possibly.

And why does it have to be your parent's place or your DP's place? Get your own place!

@custardbear People come here from overseas for private healthcare, including in NHS hospitals. Their money is then used to invest in services from us. Also we had reciprocal arrangements within the EU where patients were treated outside their home country where suitable facilities are not available at home. Again, those payments are invested in the NHS. Maybe a little thought before making such silly comments?

Why were they coming from abroad to have chemotherapy??

Anyway, they should have explained to the couple that you had influenza and could still be contagious and therefore it would not be a good idea for them to stay there while having chemotherapy. Chemotherapy patients can be very vulnerable to infections.

If you hadn't had the flu, then they might have had a point and you could have stayed somewhere else while they were there but your parents should have asked you rather than just inviting the couple and telling you to sleep on the couch.

[quote nyenc]@AverageContents

I was at home studying, working and saving every penny to do exactly that. As soon as I had the money I did.

I am very grateful I had the opportunity to do this. I think that's why my feelings towards them are so mixed.

They live abroad for a lot of the year so the house would be empty if it wasn't for me, this suited me fine.

[/quote]
so what... your parents dont owe you a free ride.

I litrally HATE the 'Im going to mooch of my parent and skip the hard part of growing up part that everyone else goes through' brigade, you litrally only cheat yourself out of valuable experiance by doing that.

Life isnt owed to you on a platter - others study, work, save and pay rent on 'non luxuary' houses many even have to slum it for a bit in shared houses eating cheap food and learning to live within their means with others, its what grown ups do and what you are suppose to do from 18+.

every response you post sounds so entitled, like you make up excuses as to why you should be allowed to mooch of everyone but regardless of where they live etc... your not entitled to that free ride you are still costing them money long past the point where you are their responsability and worse than that you cope a spoilt brat rude attitude while abusing their estate.

Ah, crossposted. I see Orf1abc has explained why people might travel abroad for chemotherapy.